“Dinner & A Discussion”

Monday, July 23, 2012

     I have been dating my girlfriend for about sixteen months now.  I am at the point in the relationship when I feel that she could help me pay for meals, etc. every now and then.  I don't want to be a cheap guy, but more than anything, I want to feel as if she understands how hard I work for my money, and we are a team.  I truly believe that the male should pay early in the relationship for everything, but after a while, should there be a 4:1 ratio?

Sincerely,
Doing The Math

Dear Doing The Math,

Being a team doesn’t require her to help pay or not help pay.  Let’s start by saying that there isn’t a sin in this issue.  Whether a courting couple splits the bill or not is of no consequence spiritually one way or the other.  However, your question brings up a bigger issue.

In today’s world of “gender equality”, the picture of what a marital (or in your case, pre-marital) team looks like has been lost.  1 Tim 5:8 and Tit 2:4-5 make it clear that a husband’s primary responsibility is to work to provide for the family, and the wife’s primary responsibility is to work at home to nurture and be the heart of the home.  We emphasize primary because the Bible doesn’t condemn women working (Pr 31:16), and there is no doubt that men must also be actively involved in the family (1 Tim 3:12)… however, that doesn’t change the fact that the male and female roles are distinctly different.

Your issue isn’t with the money; it is that you feel underappreciated for your role.  As you said, “I want to feel as if she understands how hard I work…”  This is a great opportunity to discuss with your girlfriend a fundamental Christian concept – what does a biblical relationship look like?  These are exactly the types of conversations that courting is designed for.  Our guess is that by having the conversation, you will find the appreciation you are looking for because you will understand each other better.  After all, wisdom belongs to him who has understanding (Pr 10:13).

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