“Wayward Sister”

Thursday, August 02, 2012

My sister fell away a few years ago and has been living with her boyfriend, soon to be husband. She hasn't been living a life that is outlined in the Bible in any way shape or form. Should I withdraw myself from her completely, keep my distance but still talk to her, or act like nothing is wrong and carry on like normal?

Truly,
Worried and Confused Sibling

Dear Worried and Confused Sibling,

I suggest communicating your concerns and then having as normal a relationship with your sister as is possible under the circumstances.  Close relatives and loved ones falling away can be torturous on the rest of the family.  Your relationship isn't as clear cut as the rest of the brethren in this case.  The church is given strict orders to withdraw and not associate with a wayward brother or sister (1 Cor 5:13). However, the immediate family doesn't have the same "black and white" guidelines.  In fact, we see that they sometimes are commanded to do the opposite- as in the case of an unbelieving spouse (1 Cor 7:13).

There can be no doubt that your relationship has changed with your sister.  To deny the change would go against your conscience (which is wrong - 1 Tim 3:9).  I recommend a heartfelt prayerful letter addressing the issue.  Tell her how you feel about her choices, how much she matters to you, and that your concerns for her and her husband-to-be are out of love and that you only voice them because your relationship with her matters to you.  That kind of letter leaves the door open for further/discussion and interaction while also appeasing your conscience.  You will know that you have "done what you can" and don't have to worry about every family gathering, phone call, visit, etc. being seen as passive approval of her choices.

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