“Out Of Focus”

Friday, September 07, 2012

We have several ministers at our church and, of course, our pastor.  Ministers in our church are people who have told Pastor that God has placed a call into ministry on their lives.  Then they gain the title from the pastor.  I am not a minister in the church, but, however, I married one of those ministers last November.  My question is... I'm not sure what is right for me to do as a minister’s wife.  The women of the church are always telling me that I need to be in all these groups; I need to be a part of this ministry and that ministry.  At this time, the pastor’s wife even put my name down to be a team member for our woman's conference, and I was never even asked if I wanted to be a part; then they put me in the food ministry, and I have worked in food since I was 12; I'm now 44 and told myself when I left the last job that pertained to food that I'd never do it again; I really dislike it.  My other problem is that I'm a people pleaser; God is working on me.  I also feel like I have to do what everyone expects me to do so I don't disappoint them or my husband.  I think my husband thinks like they do.  He’s been in that church for about 9 years, and I've only been there almost 2.  I believe in serving others, and I want to, but I'd really like to be able to do what I enjoy and not what everyone else thinks I need to do.  I've never been a minister’s wife, and I would just like some advice outside of our church from a godly perspective. Thank you, and may God bless you.

Sincerely,
The Minister’s Wife

Dear The Minister’s Wife,

Well, if you are a people pleaser, you are probably not going to be pleased with the advice we give.  Your problem is that you are part of a congregation that doesn’t do things God’s way.  You are dissatisfied and unhappy because what you are involved in is man’s religion, not God’s church.  Whenever we do things our way instead of God’s, we are bound for confusion and strife (1 Cor 14:33).  Several things to consider:

1. Your congregation’s leadership structure is wrong.  There is not a single example of a church in the New Testament that is led by a pastor… all of the congregations had multiple pastors (also known as ‘elders’) working together to shepherd the flock (Acts 14:23, Acts 20:17).  Your congregation’s future is directed by the attitudes and opinions of a single man.  Your direction is guided by him, instead of being tempered by the wisdom of multiple men guided by God’s Word (1 Pet 5:2).  Read our article “Elders” for further details on what a pastor should be.
2. You mentioned all of these different “ministries” of your church, including a food ministry.  It is our experience that the word ‘ministry’ has become a replacement for the term ‘social program’.  Social programs are designed to help the physical needs and desires of a community.  The church is the pillar and ground of the truth (1 Tim 3:15).  It is designed to uphold and further God’s Word, not every social program and community need.  Read our article “Blow Out The Candles” to understand why it is so important that we not stray from God’s work for His church.
3. Ministers are preachers.  They are men that have decided to preach the gospel of Jesus Christ (1 Thess 3:2).  It is not a title given to someone by a congregation’s pastor; it is a title earned by a lifestyle of teaching and preaching God’s Word to christians and unbelievers alike (1 Tim 4:6).  Paul was a minister because he served others and preached God’s Word to mankind (Col 1:23).  Being a minister’s wife is no different than being a plumber’s wife – no one expects a plumber’s wife to fix toilets.  These are manmade expectations being placed on you, not Biblical ones.

We recommend you start thinking about looking for a church that does things God’s way… a congregation without any attachment to manmade doctrines.  If you feel what we are saying is too harsh, we recommend that you ask your pastor about the things we have written and see how his answers match up.  You might also ask him some of the things mentioned in the article “Preacher Interrogation”.

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