“Honor vs. Obey”

Sunday, October 07, 2012

I'm twenty-seven-years-old, and I want to know what my responsibilities are to 'honor' and 'respect' my christian parents.  I'm a christian, too, but my parents still control nearly every aspect of my life - pulling out Bible verses for everything they think I'm doing wrong.  How do I live my own life and work on my relationship with God without feeling so pressured and controlled by my parents?  Or is my christian duty to always obey my parents as long as their teachings are 'Biblical'?

 

Sincerely,
Honor Bound

Dear Honor Bound,

You must always do what the Bible says – if you are living a way that is unscriptural and your parents are pointing that out, you should change.  However, it sounds like you are talking more about issues of opinion that you and your parents are disagreeing over.  This becomes a trickier issue.  The Bible does not require grown children to obey their parents, but it does require them to honor their parents (Lk 18:19-20)… there is a difference.  ‘Honor’ means ‘to place in a position of esteem’ or ‘to highly value’.  Grown children can highly value their parents without obeying everything they say.  Adult children honor their parents by valuing their advice (Job 12:12), respecting their age (1 Tim 5:1), caring for their parents in their old age (Mk 7:10-12), etc.

There is great debate over exactly what age parents begin to relinquish their authority over their children.  Some say eighteen; others say at marriage; still others say when you leave the house; suffice it to say, twenty-seven would typically be deemed an appropriate age to transition from childhood to adulthood.

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