“Making Friends”

Thursday, October 18, 2012

I love my church, and I know the Bible tells me I'm supposed to be really close with my church family, but for some reason, I don't get along well with the people my age.  I have other friends, but none of them are christians, and I want to have a good relationship with the people I'm supposed to.  When I try to hang out with some of the people I think I might get along with, I feel like an annoyance, or they have other things going on.  I feel like I've been praying about it for years, but I still don’t have close relationships with any of them.  Is there anything I can do to make good solid relationships with my church family?

Sincerely,
In The Out-Crowd

Dear In The Out-Crowd,

There is no single neat answer to the question you have asked.  However, there are some general principles that you might consider.

1. Your friends don’t have to be your age.  Paul and Timothy had an exceptionally close relationship even though Timothy was a young man (1 Tim 4:12), and Paul was much older.  Despite their age difference, Paul and Timothy were of the same mind, and that made them close (Php 2:19-20).  Age is only one factor when trying to make friends.
2. Someone has to start friendships.  Our tendency in life is to wait for others to befriend us for fear of rejection.  However, all friendships start because someone behaved friendly (Pr 27:9).  Jesus was so loved because He reached out to others and befriended them (Matt 11:19).
3. There will always be some people that you are closer to than others.  The church is a family (Eph 2:19), and just like a biological family, everyone has different bonds with everyone else.  Everyone loves each other, but each intra-family relationship is unique.  Don’t feel that you have to be close to every person in your congregation.  Just making an effort to be involved with the group as a whole is the goal.
4. Friendships are built when we work together.  When every christian supplies what strength they have to the Lord’s work, relationships naturally begin to form because we are helping each other (Eph 4:16).  Friendships often form naturally when we simply decided to be as involved as possible.

Having said all of that, it isn’t always easy to make friends – even in the Lord’s church.  Do not grow weary in doing good; eventually, you will reap the benefits (Gal 6:9-10).

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