“Best Foot Forward”

Saturday, June 01, 2013

Hi, it's been a while since I've asked you a question.  I have had it in my conscience recently, something that I need to get off my chest.  I have recently been talking to an ex-girlfriend who I care about a lot.  We were together before I was saved, and I broke up with her for a couple of problems in me and us.  We moved really fast, and we had premarital sex.  This decision sparked selfish urges in me that originally started when I first saw porn magazines in middle school.  I had seen them from time to time, and the feelings grew because I was living in the world.  What we did put me over the edge, and I cheated on her; it was long distance.  She still doesn't know about it.

About seven months later, I broke up with her because I knew there was something wrong with me, and these urges couldn't be controlled by me alone.  I set a course to find God, and through many falls, I finally was saved.  Before I left her, I gave her a Bible and told her that I didn't feel comfortable with things we did and that I needed to leave her to find redemption.  She is living as a christian now but still young in the Word.  Through my years of experience, God has strengthened me not to fall and that  should confide in Jesus and my brothers for prayer and accountability.  We have recently started talking again, and I still see her as the person I want to be with for the rest of my life.

My question is: If I want to make it right and be with her, should I tell her all my secrets?  This is what I feel I'm led to do before I go any further with talking to her.

Sincerely,
A Lot Of Water Under The Bridge

Dear A Lot Of Water Under The Bridge,

You should be open with her about your past for two reasons:

1. Your conscience is bothering you about this, and you should always strive to have a pure conscience before God and man (1 Tim 3:9, 1 Tim 1:5).
2. God highly esteems honesty and truthfulness (Pr 24:26, Lk 8:15).

One of the hallmarks of a faithful life is the willingness to have our lives revealed by the light of truth (Jhn 3:19-21).  The truth always sets us free (Jhn 8:32).  You made it clear that you would like to see this relationship progress toward marriage someday.  Marriage is a commitment that makes your two lives into a shared existence (Eph 5:31).  Every healthy marriage is built upon Christ (Eph 5:23), love (Eph 5:28, 1 Cor 13:4-7), respect (Eph 5:33), and devotion (Eph 5:31, 1 Cor 7:33).  None of those things can properly exist with deception as the foundation.  It is better to tell the truth and lose her than to build a marriage upon lies (Pr 23:23).

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