“A Sly Word”

Sunday, November 24, 2013

I am twenty-eight years old, and I have a five-year-old son who has Down’s Syndrome.  He cannot talk, so he tries to talk by yelling loud.  Every time I go to a family get-together, I always have a problem.  When my little special child yells, I always hear my grandma talking to the person who she is sitting beside, and she is telling them how she cannot stand all that yelling.  She always says it where I can hear.  It hurts my feelings so bad that I go home and cry.  I never say anything to her about it because she is my grandma, and I do not want to be an angry person.  I am getting where I do not want to go to the family get-togethers because of it.  He does not mean to be bothering her.  He is just a ray of sunshine and happy!!  Could you tell me how to deal with this problem with my grandma in a way that you think God would have me handle it?  Thank you.

Sincerely,
Proud Mom

Dear Proud Mom,

There are several things that you can try, and it all depends on what you believe is the most appropriate tact to take with your grandmother.  No matter what, you should know that you are right about your child, and he is a blessing from God – nothing anybody says can change that fact.  Regardless of how others feel, he has done nothing wrong.  That being said, here are some verses to consider:

1. Rom 12:18 says that we should do everything we can to be at peace with others.  Turning the other cheek (Matt 5:39) is often the best policy when people are ignorantly hurtful.  If you can, just let it go… from what you have said, you have tried this, and it is simply too much of a burden to bear.  Kudos for trying; but in this case, for your personal peace, you need to do something more.
2. When we have a problem with another person, discretion is a key ingredient to a healthy resolution.  Pr 25:9 says that we should bring our disagreements to the person directly.  Directly confronting the “elephant in the room” is the scariest approach, but often the best.  Privately and kindly telling your grandmother that your feelings are hurt when she criticizes your son gives her the opportunity to choose the high road and to reach a resolution that improves your relationship.  Discretion shows love; bitterness is shown through public displays of frustration.  She has been public with her words; you should be private with yours.
3. Whatever you do, don’t let her words poison your heart.  Regardless of how she reacts to your honest appeal, make the decision now that you won’t let bitterness become rooted in your heart (Heb 12:15).  Decide ahead of time that you will raise your son according to God’s teachings, and let that buoy you up when criticized.

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