“Finding Base Camp”

Saturday, January 25, 2014

My boyfriend and I have been dating for two years, and we've been talking a lot about getting married.  I really love him, and he loves me, but he's leaving soon for the military.  I was wondering: if I went and lived on the base after I graduated, would that be against God's law?  I know it says in the Bible that you aren't supposed to live with your partner if you aren't married, but what if he didn't stay in the same place as me?

Sincerely,
Not Quite Mrs. Yet

Dear Not Quite Mrs. Yet,

Your question is an issue of wisdom, and there are several biblical principles to consider:

1. What will it look like to others if you are living on base as his “partner” without being married?  God tells us to avoid sin and all appearances of sin (1 Thess 5:22).  We should strive to do what is honorable to God and appears honorable to man (Rom 12:17).  Without knowing all the details, our guess is that most people would perceive that you have been sleeping together if you are living on base while he is overseas.  This needs to be taken into account.
2. If you are living in an arrangement that married people would live in… why aren’t you married?  Sometimes people marry too quickly, and sometimes people wait too long to marry.  God wants us to use wisdom and not jump too hastily into wedding vows, but He also tells young people to avoid a situation where they will burn for each other uncontrollably (1 Cor 7:8-9).  It may be that this potential living arrangement is a case of “playing with fire”, and it would be better off to marry (or live elsewhere) and remove all chance of sin.

Don’t mistake us; we cannot tell you that this arrangement would be overtly sinful (as you said, he wouldn’t even be living in the same place), but those are some Bible principles worth considering before you make a decision.

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