“Who Cares How It Looks?!”

Monday, October 03, 2016

Is it appropriate for a pastor of a church to restrict a congregation member from working in the ministry with an associate pastor (of the opposite sex) because of people’s perception of their friendship?

Sincerely,
Heartsick

Dear Heartsick,

Without dealing with the issue of titles like ‘associate pastor’ (please read “Switching Departments” for more details on church leadership), let’s see if we can break down your question.  Is it appropriate for an elder/pastor to restrict a man and a woman from working closely together in the church because they are giving too intimate of a “vibe” to everyone else?  Yes.  In fact, it is the elders’ job to protect your reputation and your souls from bad situations (Heb 13:17).  Included in Heb 13:17 is the fact that you should trust their judgment and realize that whether you see it or not, there is something unhealthy about your current relationship.  1 Tim 3:1-7 and Tit 1:5-9 lay out the qualifications for becoming a pastor/elder.  One of those qualifications is sober-mindedness.  An elder is an older man that has proven that he has experience and wisdom to offer.  If he is saying that your friendship has the form and appearance of evil (1 Thess 5:2)… take him seriously.

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