“Building Bridges”

Wednesday, September 06, 2017

My sister-in-law and brother-in-law lost their daughter to a terminal illness she was born with.  She lived many years longer than doctors advised she would.  My sister-in-law has always tried to be there for me over the years, but I have not tried to have a relationship with her other than when necessary.  I have never been there for her.  Her daughter's death has hit me like a ton of bricks and has made me realize that I am not the person I should be.  I should have tried to understand their circumstances; I should have allowed us to become great friends.  I want to write her and tell her that I am sorry that I have never been there for her and how brave I think her husband and her are.  Should I tell her how I feel?  Should I just move forward and be a better person to her now and in the future?  Or am I being selfish, and this is not about me, and this is my punishment?  Thank you for any help you can give me.

Sincerely,
Regretful

Dear Regretful,

As the old saying goes, “honesty is always the best policy”.  The Bible says it in different words: “know the truth and the truth shall set you free” (Jhn 8:32).  Truth always frees us and, in the long run, it always makes things better.  God tells us to treat others as we would have them treat us (Matt 7:12).  If you were in your sister-in-law’s shoes and received a letter explaining all the regrets you just mentioned, sorrow you feel for their loss, and bravery they have shown – how would you feel?  Only you know the specifics of your relationship with your sister-in-law and what is the best way to treat her, but if you consider her feelings above your own, you are likely to make a good decision.  Whatever you do should be about them and not about you – only when we place others before ourselves do we make healthy decisions (Php 2:3).

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