“Saying Goodbye”

Tuesday, September 19, 2017

My sister recently lost her son (a twenty-five-year-old) to a bad car accident.  He was in the height of his life, recently engaged to be married, and doing well at his job.  Her grief has steadily increased.  She wants answers.  Why would God do this?  Why would He take such a good person?  Is He punishing her for her sins?

I am exhausted trying to find Bible verses or words of comfort for her.  Please help.

Sincerely,
Forlorn Aunt

Dear Forlorn Aunt,

This is a great question… which is why thousands of books have been written on the subject of grief. When Jacob heard of his son’s death and when he contemplated the loss of a second son, he said, “My gray hair will go down to Sheol” (Gen 37:35, Gen 42:38). That emotion is a normal one. When one learns of the death of a spouse or child, their first reaction is so painful and the grief is so deep that they feel they will never have another happy moment on this earth. Jacob’s first reaction was normal in this respect. Jacob later received the good news that his son was alive, so he didn’t have to go to his grave in pain.

But your question is about your sister today. How do we handle grief, so that we will be able to recover and find happiness again? This process of handling grief is called “Healing Grief.” It means we go through the grieving process in the right way, so we can heal. This is where those thousands of books come in, and I suggest your sister read many of them. Also, one of our AYP writers has an entire audio sermon series on grieving that he wrote when his wife died; that series can be found here.  Some of the major things most people need to do are:

1. Go ahead and cry your eyes out. Don’t be ashamed to express your pain by crying. (Ps 6:6-7)
2. If you have a friend who will listen, talk, talk, talk. Crying and talking are very therapeutic. Don’t hold it in! Cry and talk. (Eccl 4:10)
3. Cry out to God in prayer and listen to God as He speaks to you through His Bible, especially the book of Psalms (Phil 4:6; 1 Pet 5:6-7).
4. This next one sounds funny to someone who has not been through this experience, but those who have will know what I am saying. After a few months, you will realize that you don’t want to let go of your loved one. You don’t want them forgotten. You actually hope they might, in some way, come back. At this stage, you must accept the fact that they are gone. This is not easy, but it is a big step that is necessary to healing. (2 Sam 12:22-23)

When this acceptance actually comes into her life, she will begin the final period called ‘recovery’. It is at this time that hope will come back into her life, and she will find happiness again. She is going through a grieving process God built within us humans who are made in His image… so encourage her to not give up. Even Jesus Himself experienced this emotion (John 11:35).

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