“Young Romance”

Monday, January 22, 2018

Our daughter, who is seventeen and living at home, has a boyfriend who is nineteen.  He wants to move out on his own and experience something new.  What would be your advice/approach when dealing with them spending time together alone at his new place, going over to visit, watch movies, etc.  Although they have given us no reason to not trust them, I am having problems giving permission to this "alone” time.

Sincerely,
Concerned Parent

Dear Concerned Parent,

Different parents will give different advice in these circumstances, but you aren’t crazy for having concerns.  The important thing is to be able to explain things to your daughter and her boyfriend in biblical terms.  Whatever your decision is, if you can give Scripture for your feelings, it will take the trust issues out of the picture.  As you said, it isn’t about these two trustworthy young people; it is about the natural temptations and passions of youth.  So here are some verses that can be used in your discussions:

1. God says that it is natural and normal for young people to be attracted to one another (1 Cor 7:9).  This is a natural part of the romance process, but it is also important for them to not put themselves in a position where this attraction can lead to regrettable decisions in the heat of the moment.
2. The Song of Solomon is a poetic book of the Bible devoted to romantic love.  The chorus of that song says, “don’t awaken or stir up love until he pleases” (Songs 3:5).  God’s warning to those in the courtship process is to not force things and not to go too fast.  The goal is to slow down and get to know the person… the risk of spending copious amounts of time alone is that the relationship begins to speed up in all the wrong ways.
3. A reputation is a difficult thing to build but an easy thing to destroy.  Your daughter and her boyfriend currently have good reputations, which are more valuable than riches (Pr 22:1).  Part of your job as parents is to help protect their good name.  When a young woman spends a lot of time at a single man’s apartment… it looks a certain way.  This is worth explaining to them.

You will need to decide what conversation to have with your daughter and her boyfriend when and if he gets an apartment, but those are some Bible verses to help provide context to the ground rules you will set.

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