“Uninvited”

Wednesday, May 30, 2018

I have a question regarding the church family.  I attend a church where there seems to be a lot of animosity between families and friends, especially women.  I know this is not how the church is supposed to act; they are supposed to be loving and accept one another no matter what.  I stay totally out of any drama that comes between other people, but I continue to find myself not being invited to other christian's events (birthday parties, showers, general get-togethers), and I feel it is because I am a part of a particular "family" or friends with particular people.  It feels so hurtful, especially when I have made an effort to talk and invite these other families and friends to my own events.  It hurts to see that I am affected when I have nothing to do with any of it, and I don't understand why they act so unloving towards each other.  I want my christian family to act how Christ would have us to.  It makes me feel unwelcome and disliked.  What can I do?  Why can't we all just get along?

Sincerely,
Wallflower

Dear Wallflower,

The church has always struggled with disagreements between individuals… particularly grudges between women.  When Paul wrote to the Philippian church, he was so proud of them and considered them to be faithful, wonderful, and dear to his heart (Php 1:7-8).  In the entire Philippian letter, Paul only had one problem to address – a dispute between two women (Php 4:2).  Euodia and Syntyche were both faithful women that served the Lord with whole hearts (Php 4:3), but they had some disagreement with each other.  We say all this just to tell you that what you are experiencing has always been a battle for the Lord’s people.  Good people find themselves in disagreements, and it affects the church – even Paul and Barnabas battled it out at one time (Acts 15:37-40).

So what do we do when others don’t act the way they ought and when we feel hurt and maligned?  The first thing is to make sure you are always part of the solution and not the problem.  Don’t allow yourself to become bitter because of how others behave (Heb 12:15).  Continue to make an effort with others and don’t grow weary in doing good (2 Thess 3:13).  Change only happens when we rise above each others’ faults and strive to receive each other with love (Rom 15:7).  The other practical thing to do is to avoid gossip, slander, and murmuring against others.  Whenever there is animosity between people, it is very easy for those around to get caught up in choosing sides, passing judgment, and spreading tales.  Pr 26:20 says that a contention can’t continue to spread if people keep their tongues quiet.  You can’t change everyone else, but you can give them the benefit of the doubt (just like Paul did with those two women in Philippi), and you can try and be a vehicle for pure, forgiving love in the Lord’s church, so the future of your congregation is more unified, not less.  All you can work on is yourself and leave others to do the same.  Though the road be bumpy, when everyone works on themselves, the church is always blessed.

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