“A Lonely Burden”

Tuesday, August 21, 2018

Any advice for a christian who has stumbled along the way, repented, confessed this sin to the elders, got back up, and continued trying to fight the good fight, but left feeling the elders are disgusted, disappointed, and aloof?  It breaks my heart because my entire life I have felt rejected by my family, only to feel such love and respect from my spiritual family.  Now when the elders see me, they turn away, never shake my hand, and make me feel alienated, rejected, worthless, and so incredibly saddened by my sin; I don't feel worthy of assembling with the saints.  I suppose this is simply the consequence of sin.  I hate myself.

Sincerely,
Isolated

Dear Isolated,

We are so very sorry for your pain.  The sting of our own actions and the consequences that come along with them can sometimes be so much more devastating than we ever thought.  Luke 18:13-14 tells the story of a man that prayed fervently and humbly over his sin to God, and God accepted him.  The same is true for you, regardless of how others treat you; remember that if you truly repent and turn to the Lord, God will exalt you.

You don’t need to hate yourself because the Lord doesn’t hate you.  Paul taught that part of being a christian is learning to accept the Lord’s view of us above our own.  Paul said that no matter how humans judged him, what mattered was God’s judgment (1 Cor 4:3-4).  It can be very hard when others are not as quick to forgive us of our sins as the Lord is, but that is life.  Think of it as an opportunity to show grace to others when they struggle with forgiveness the way you have struggled with other sins – you can be patient with them because you know what it is like to struggle to become the person you are meant to be.  Everyone has their weaknesses, and the church is full of imperfect people.

The other thing that you can do is approach the elders on this issue.  God says that if we believe our brother has something against us, we should seek to reconcile with them (Matt 5:23-24).  When you talk to them, it may or may not be that the elders are actually being aloof and purposefully rejecting you.  Sometimes, our own disgust and disappointment with ourselves causes us to interpret others’ actions as disgust and disappoint… when they don’t mean anything of the sort.  The only way to rectify things is to clear the air through communication.  You had the strength to confess your sins to them; you have the strength to discuss this problem with them.

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