“Endless Regret”

Thursday, August 13, 2020

     I made a horrible decision when I was eighteen.  I had an abortion even though I knew with every bit of my being that it was wrong.  I was weak, and I made a decision that has sickened me ever since.  The Bible says God will forgive anything if you are truly remorseful, and I am saved and have been baptized, but I struggle with the notion that I do not, and probably will never, feel like I am truly forgiven.  Maybe it's the fact that I am so horrified by what I did that I know I deserve hell.  I'm assuming I will feel that way for the rest of my life and rightfully so.  I'm scared of God's wrath and of hell's fire so much that I have an irrational fear of dying and facing God only to be turned away.  I don't want to seem like I have no faith in God's boundless mercy, but can I ever forgive myself?  Should I even forgive myself?  I just would like your opinion; I am too close to my preacher to bring it up; I'm so ashamed.  Thank you.

Sincerely,
Tortured

Dear Tortured,

What you are asking is one of the most difficult things in life ­– forgiving yourself.  Like all things, God is better at forgiveness than we are.  Many people hold on to the guilt and shame of sin far too keenly – you are not alone in this struggle.  God tells us that there are several things to remember:

1. Even if your heart condemns you, God keeps His promises.  On the Judgment Day, we will be judged by God’s standards, not whether or not we feel worthy (1 Jn 3:20).
2. We can reassure our own hearts that we have been forgiven when we study and live by the truth of the Bible (1 Jn 3:18-20).  The more we immerse ourselves in God’s teachings, the quicker we begin to realize that forgiveness isn’t about being worthy… but about having faith in the mercy of God.
3. Another way to look at your problem is to remember that saying, “I can’t believe God will forgive me” is the same as saying, “I don’t believe that Jesus’ sacrifice was enough”.  That may sound harsh, but our forgiveness is based upon Jesus’ blood (Col 2:14).  It is an act of faith in Jesus to accept our own forgiveness.

All in all, self-forgiveness takes time… just like all areas of growth.

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