“A Leader Worth Following”

Monday, July 23, 2012

     My wife and I are growing spiritually at different speeds, and some of the things she chooses to do don't match up to the Bible, and I don't agree with these choices.  How should I address these things without upsetting her and stay true to the Word of God and be the spiritual leader of my wife and kids?

Sincerely,
Hesitant Husband

Dear Hesitant Husband,

No two people ever grow at the same rate… nor do they grow in the same areas.  We all have different strengths and weaknesses, and those differences are especially pronounced between men and women.  You have two principles to balance:

1. God says to deal with your wife in an understanding way because she is different than you, and yet, also an equal heir of eternity (1 Pet 3:7).  You aren’t perfect, and neither is she.  Women tend to be weak in areas that men are strong and vise-versa.  Your job as her husband and brother in Christ is to strengthen her, not crush her.
2. You are the spiritual head of your household and must set the tone and direction for your family (1 Tim 3:12).  It is up to you to define your family’s character and lead the way.  Many families fail and crumble because men are apathetic and lazy in this area.  If your wife is making definite choices that are unwise or harmful to the family’s spiritual health, you have a responsibility to address it.

When we compare these two principles, it becomes clear that a husband should address spiritual concerns within his family, but how he does it makes all the difference.  Col 3:19 says that husbands shouldn’t be harsh with their wives.  That is what you must balance.  Don’t nitpick every choice she makes or speak unkindly/condescendingly – that is what harshness looks like.  Give her the benefit of the doubt and discuss these issues (whatever they might be) with your wife.  After all, you both want the same thing.

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