“Do I Know You?”

Friday, October 12, 2012

What does the Bible have to say about arranged marriages?  Are they scripturally sound if the people have not chosen each other and are not in love?

Sincerely,
Rearranging The Arrangement

Dear Rearranging The Arrangement,

The Bible neither condemns nor commends arranged marriages.  In the Old Testament, it was very common for marriages to be arranged by the parents, and God made specific laws addressing the parents’ right to refuse or endorse a marriage (one example of this is Ex. 22:17).  However, the Song of Solomon deals with romantic love and tells young couples to “not awake love” prematurely (Songs 3:5), which implies that it is appropriate for young men and women to have a say in who they marry.

There is nothing unscriptural about an arranged marriage.  A husband can behave in a loving and selfless way to his wife even if they haven’t had the opportunity to become romantically attached (Eph 5:25).  Likewise, a wife can respect and honor her husband that she hasn’t had the time to become close to (Eph 5:24).  Of course, it becomes easier to fulfill these commands as time goes on, but it is not unscriptural to be married to someone through an arranged marriage.  Biblical love and respect are choices, not merely feelings.

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