“Home Again”

Saturday, May 25, 2013

I am a twenty-four-year-old wife and mother of two.  My husband and I have been together for five years, some good, a lot of pain.  We lived in Oregon for a couple years of our marriage, and during that time, we had our daughter, and my marriage was very painful.  He always hangs out with friends that don't care about married people (or women for that matter), and they would gladly give him drugs to use and bring him to strip clubs and worse.  Well, his friend had to go to Iraq, and he said he realized that our marriage was down the drain and that I couldn't take it anymore, so we moved to Colorado where his family lives to get away from the people and things that kept bringing him down.  Things were great in Colorado.  He was treating me like I was worth something.  Well, his friend that went to Iraq got back, and magically, we had to move back to Oregon for his schooling because he can't handle online classes anymore.  He promised he wouldn't hang out with old people or do old things again.  Well, we have only been here a week and half, and he has left every day so far to hang out with these guys at bars and who knows where else, coming home late every night, telling me to just be cool with things and stop being his mom all the time.  I don't know what to do because it is too much.  What should I do?  I'm really losing my mind and don't have a friend in him anymore.  He just tells me I am psycho and crazy and I need to stop being so stupid because I am the one that changed.  When I cry, he just tells me to shut up because crying won't make me get my way.  I don't do it on purpose; I try to hold it in, but the loneliness is killing me.  What is a christian wife supposed to do?  I've been praying like crazy, but nothing is getting better.

Sincerely,
Missing Colorado

Dear Missing Colorado,

There are no easy answers to the struggle you are going through.  Your question was "what can a christian wife do?", and we will do our best to answer that specific question and leave all counseling to those in a better position to help.  You have two options, and neither of them is a smooth road.

Option #1 - Remain with him and plant your feet.  1 Pet 3:1 says that your example of faithfulness and godliness has a chance of winning your husband over.  Don't accept immoral behavior, but in everything else, be subject to him and show kindness and respect.  Overcome evil with good (Rom 12:21).  Every time you act in a loving and righteous manner toward him, it will heap coals upon his head, and it will hurt his conscience (Rom 12:19-20).

Option #2 - You cannot divorce him unless he has committed adultery, but you can be separated (1 Cor 7:10-11).  If his behavior is so detrimental to your children and life that you can no longer live faithfully toward God in such an environment, you can separate from him.  If you do this, you must remain unmarried and seek in every way to reconcile with him if he shows a willingness to change his ways.  This second option is a choice of last resort.

Either road is difficult, but the first option is Biblically preferable.  If you two can find and get counseling – do so.  We would be happy to point you in the direction of a faithful counselor/preacher in your area if you would like.  Simply e-mail us at askyourpreacher@mvchurchofchrist.org.  We are so sorry to hear of your struggles and trials.  May God bless you as you seek to be faithful to Him above all else.

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