“A Harbored Grudge”

Thursday, October 17, 2013

My significant other wronged me in a way that is hard to forgive.  He was truly sorry for it, and I said that I had forgiven him (many times), however, I’m having trouble forgetting it, and I get the feeling that since I have not forgotten it, maybe I never really forgave him for it… even though I really want to.  I try to forgive him, and I cannot no matter how hard I try.  I still have nightmares and start to remember what I am supposed to have forgotten.  The nightmares affect how I act toward him in the morning, and I feel terrible about it, but I don’t know how to forget.  What can I do?

Sincerely,
In A Nightmare

Dear In A Nightmare,

If forgiveness were easy then God wouldn’t have had to command us to do it.  Forgiveness is a process that gets more difficult the deeper the wrong done against us.  Forgiveness is an act of showing love and mercy where it isn’t deserved or earned.  God forgives from the greatness of His love (Num 14:19), and forgiving others is part of showing love.  When you think of forgiving your husband (we are assuming that is what you meant by “significant other”) as an act of love, that change of thinking can sometimes make it easier.

It can also help to think about what God has done on your behalf.  When we remember that God forgives our sins, it softens our hearts to remember to forgive others (Matt 6:12-15).  Forgiveness is a heartfelt decision (Matt 18:35) that can take time, but it is ultimately worth it.  If you can’t forgive, you will become bitter… and that is a road that you don’t want to travel down (Heb. 12:15).  Persevere and don’t let your husband’s poor choice poison your spiritual growth.

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