“Abuse At Home”

Monday, May 04, 2015

I want to know if a woman can truly be a christian (as she claims) and allow unsavory and evil things to go on in her house for a period of years. She says she has been forgiven for her sins and will not be held accountable for the abuse her husband causes to others in the household. She says there is nothing she can do about it, she has nowhere else to go, and she won't have to answer for putting up with it because it's not her doing it. This has been going on for about 20 years, and she says she is not obligated by God to leave him. Again, she thinks that by doing nothing to stop this, she is not in error. There are others in the house that are suffering from his physical and verbal abuse while she sits idly by, claiming no responsibility in it.

Sincerely, Confused and Trapped

Dear Confused and Trapped,

Does Christ forgive us while we are actively engaged in a sinful lifestyle? No.  Christ forgives sins all the time, but there is a difference between knowingly living in a lifestyle that is contrary to His Word and making honest mistakes while trying to be faithful.   The key is the word 'repent'.  Acts 2:38 says that repentance is a requirement for salvation.  'Repent' means to 'change your mind'.  From what you are telling me, that hasn't happened in either the husband's or the wife's case.  Many abused women stay with their husbands out of fear, but there does come a time where that fear becomes an excuse for enabling a destructive lifestyle. She does have the option of separating from him in a dire circumstance such as abuse (1 Cor 7:11-12). From what details you have provided, the bulk of the blame belongs to him, but there does come a point where we must stand up against sin for the sake of others, if not ourselves (Jas 4:17).  This is all under the assumption that she really is able to do something.

You have no control over whether she acts, but if you are aware that others are being hurt and abused in the home, you must do whatever you can to change the situation. Be careful that you aren’t so busy condemning her for her lack of action that you become paralyzed from acting yourself. Without knowing the specifics, it is impossible to give you exact advice on how to proceed. I recommend finding a counselor in your local area to help you move forward and involve law enforcement when physical abuse is occurring (Rom 13:4).

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