“The Only Faithful Spouse”

Thursday, April 21, 2016

Dear preacher, my name is (omitted), and I am a christian.  I trust your competence and knowing of the Scriptures, and I would like to ask you one very serious question.  At least, it is very serious for me.  I am married to a non-christian girl.  She does not want to know about God and about the Bible even though she respects my faith and is not against me attending the church meetings.  We are going to have a child soon, Lord willing.  She wants to baptize the child according to Russian Orthodox tradition in the Russian Orthodox church.  I tried to explain to her that this is not according to the Bible, that this is not what God wants, and that this is not true baptism because the child cannot even understand what is being done with him... she insists on baptizing the child, which, Lord willing, is to be born soon.  What should I do in this case as a christian?  Should I let her baptize the child if she really insists on this?  I do not know what to do... I want to save our family... I really want to save our family.

When she told me that she wanted to baptize the child in the Russian Orthodox church, I told her that if she really believes in this (in the necessity of baptism of infants) - I cannot stop her from doing this... I told her that if she wants to do this – I’d let her do this, but I will not do anything to support her.  I will not even take her with our car to the Russian Orthodox church for this purpose.

I also told her that when our child reaches certain age, I will take him to the children’s Bible classes at our congregation, so that he would be able to know about God from the very early years of his life.  She told me that she will not let me do this - if I do this, she will leave me and will take the child with her.  I am in great despair at this moment.  I want to save our family, but it seems that if she does not change her attitude - this will not be possible.

Sometimes, I want to tell her that if she really insists that she will not let me take the child to the children’s Bible classes - she should leave me right now.  Should we get divorced based on 1 Corinthians 7?  I never thought that she would become so hard-hearted.  She believes that the commandments of the Lord in the Bible make people limited and cause them not to enjoy their life in full.

I have made certain mistakes as a person not really experienced in marriage, but each time I asked her to forgive me, it seems like she forgave me.  In the same way, she made mistakes… which I forgave.  But I do not know what to do in this case.  I really need your help and your advice.

Sincerely,
Unorthodox Father

Dear Unorthodox Father,

Our heart really and truly goes out to you - you are obviously "unequally yoked" in spiritual matters (2 Cor 6:14).  There is no simple answer in this case, but there are some principles that you should consider.

1. You are the spiritual head of your household, and you have a responsibility to guide your family in God's ways (Eph 5:23).
2. This responsibility means that you must behave as Christ does towards His church - sacrificially and lovingly.  Being a husband means that you must pick your battles; be the first to forgive and the first to show kindness (Eph 5:28-29).  The spiritual direction of your child's life is a battle worth picking, but if you are constantly fighting over less important things... the issues that matter won't be treated with the gravity that is necessary.
3. If she does baptize the child in the Russian Orthodox church - it won't matter.  The child will get wet, but it won't affect its soul.  Take comfort in that.
4. You mentioned 1 Cor 7 - if she wants to leave, you can let her go (1 Cor 7:15), but that doesn't mean you should hope that she leaves.  As long as she wants to be married to you – even with your religious convictions – you need to try and make your marriage work (1 Cor 7:12).  As frustrated as you are right now, you never know if your good behavior might get her to see the light (1 Cor 7:16).

In short, hang in there.  Stand your ground on moral principles and give way on matters of opinion.  The Lord will bless you, and your child, in your faithfulness (Rom 8:28, 1 Cor 7:14).

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