“Just Not Feeling It”

Monday, January 15, 2018

I have two questions:

1. I am a married woman, and in the Bible, it says that a wife’s desire is to please her husband, but what if I don't have that?  Is it a sin?  And what if I don't want it?

2. Is it wrong to pray and ask God for a way out of my marriage?

I also want to let you know I'm a christian and love God with all my heart, and I love my husband and do treat my husband well, but I think he needs someone who wishes to please him.

Sincerely,
Runaway Bride

Dear Runaway Bride,

The verse you are referring to is Gen 3:16, and it has to do with the fact that the husband will rule over the household, and the wife will be his helper – it has nothing to do with the personal desire to make someone happy.  The Bible instead says that it is often very hard to want to show respect and love for your spouse – that is why it is a command (Eph 5:33).  God commands us to do things because they are things that are good for us… but not necessarily what we want to do.  Many women don't want to please their husbands, but they choose to do what is in his best interest anyways.  True godliness is built upon a decision to do what is right, even when you don't feel like it.  So to answer your first question: you don't have to feel a strong desire to please your husband, but you do need to try and be a godly, faithful wife.  When you stop trying, that is a sin (Jas 4:17).

To answer your second question: yes, it is wrong to pray for a way out of your marriage.  God doesn't desire for marriages to be destroyed (Mal 2:16), and He wants marriage to be for a lifetime (Mk 10:6-9).  We are told to never pray for things that go against God's will (1 Jn 5:14).  Praying for a way out of your marriage is definitely against God's will.

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