“Queen, Not Peasant”

Thursday, June 04, 2020

     Just because it says that husband is the ruler of me, does that mean he can boss me around and make all my decisions for me?  Does it mean I can’t make any decisions on my own or speak what’s on my mind?  Does it mean I’m not allowed to do anything on my own because my husband is in charge?

My husband says he's in charge of everything, but I don’t think that’s what the Bible means when it says he's my master in this marriage.

Sincerely,
Mad Mrs.

Dear Mad Mrs.,

It sounds like your husband isn’t doing a good job of following his marital responsibilities to love his wife – so the way you win him over is by following your marital responsibilities.

A wife is to respect her husband (Eph 5:24).  She shows him respect even if he doesn’t deserve that respect.  She chooses to let him lead the household regardless of whether he is good at it.  As long as his decisions do not force her to disobey God (Acts 5:29), she follows him.  She treats him as a man and honors him as head of the household even when he acts petty and small.  Her respect is unconditional.  It isn’t about not speaking your mind or having your own thoughts; it is about an attitude that shows him honor, which feeds his soul.

In like manner, husbands have the command to “love your wife” (Eph 5:28).  A husband is to love his wife as his own body regardless of whether she is being respectful and kind.  A husband’s love is not dependent upon a wife’s respect.  Biblical love (best described in 1 Cor 13:4-8) is a choice, not a feeling.  A loving husband chooses to do that which is in the best interest of his wife.  He seeks to love his wife as Christ does the church (Eph 5:25).  A husband’s love is sacrificial; it is a gift he chooses to give unconditionally.

Each spouse has their own job.  You cannot force the other spouse to behave one way or another, but you can win them over by your behavior (1 Pet 3:1).  Right now, from the sounds of it, your husband is treating you in a deeply unloving way; that is wrong.  However, what you can do is treat him with respect, and the Lord will bless your efforts.

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