How do you feel about letting the Pastor know that some people he has in leadership - worship leading and youth group - are drinking alcohol on the side while posting their publicly drunken pictures on the internet? Would it be wrong to bring this to his attention? I might add that this couple is in the "Pastor’s clique." This has been something breaking my soul, knowing that these people have been on stage lifting their hands, praising God on Sunday, and teaching impressionable teens who have access to these pictures -- then they are in bars and at parties on Saturday night. Am I sinning knowing it's happening and saying nothing? Pastors shouldn't even have "circles or cliques", right? Please pray and help. I am broken.

Sincerely, Caught In The Middle

Dear Caught In The Middle,

Yes, you must say something about it. For the sake of addressing the main purpose of your question and not getting distracted, we aren’t going to deal with the issue that your congregation is led by a single pastor, but we recommend you read “Elders” to better understand the problem of a congregation being led by one man. After that, ask your pastor where in the Bible he can find an example of a congregation being led by a single pastor.

Back to the topic, though. Your specific question dealt with whether or not to say something when you know someone else is sinning. If you know there is sin in your congregation, you must address it. Paul condemned the Corinthians because they allowed someone to flagrantly live a life of sin and remain amongst them (1 Cor 5:1-2). God tells us that if our brother sins, we must confront him privately (Matt 18:15). If that doesn’t work, bring one or two others with you and confront him again (Matt 18:16). If that still doesn’t work – bring it to the leadership of the congregation, and if he still won’t repent, then the congregation is to withdraw from him (Matt 18:17). You have a responsibility to make the sin known for the sake of the person’s soul and for the sake of the spiritual health of the others that they influence.

Some sins we commit when we act the wrong way, and sometimes we sin because we failed to act. If you know someone is openly sinning (and especially if you have evidence, like in your case), you must act. God requires it of you, and if the congregation won’t act as God intends… I recommend reading “Finding A Church”.

A while back, we had been talking about forgiveness and how you should keep forgiving people. What if they keep doing the same things to you and really aren’t sorry. How are you supposed to forgive then?

Sincerely, Hard To Forget

Dear Hard To Forget,

It is true that christians must forgive all other christians, but there is a difference between forgiveness and trust. David forgave Saul for trying to kill him, but David didn’t trust Saul after multiple attempts on his life (1 Sam 26:21-25). When we forgive someone, we no longer hold the debt of their sin against them (Matt 6:12); this doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t use wisdom in our dealings with them (Matt 10:16).

Christians often forgive people for things they haven’t repented of yet. Stephen asked that God forgive the people that were stoning him (Acts 7:60). Jesus, our Lord, did the same thing as He hung on the cross (Lk 23:34). But in both cases, it is safe to say that the people they forgave weren’t trustworthy. Their forgiveness opened the way to the possibility of a healthy relationship over time. We must follow their example. You don’t know whether the person is truly sorry, whether they are trying to grow, or what problems or trials they are going through. God is the final judge of their character and faithfulness. You can and should always treat people with kindness and generosity no matter how they have treated you.

Continue to forgive and keep yourself from bitterness (Heb 12:15), but feel free to protect yourself from harmful relationships.

      I know that forgiving those who have hurt us is absolutely critical to be a follower of Jesus, but how can we know for sure if we have truly forgiven someone?

Sincerely,
Introspective

Dear Introspective,

The only way to know for sure is to examine yourself – something God says we should regularly do (1 Cor 11:28).  Forgiveness can often take time because we aren’t as good at it as God is, but there are a few signs that you are truly forgiving someone.

1. You aren’t embittered against them (Heb 12:15).  Bitterness is the product of holding grudges against someone and not letting go of your pain.  If you find yourself becoming an angry and embittered person – you probably need to work on forgiveness.
2. Are you trying to forget about the injury they caused?  God says that forgiveness means that you no longer remember the transgression (Heb 8:12).  This doesn’t mean that you have amnesia, but it means that you aren’t dwelling upon it and keeping records of injuries against you.

As we said, forgiveness can be very difficult, especially if the person has hurt you very deeply, but it is possible to grow and become a truly forgiving person.

Is using deadly force ever justifiable in defense of self or family?  If there were ever a situation where there was complete societal breakdown (no government or police), food and water became scarce, and armed looters and gangs searching for food became a real threat to your family, would you be morally responsible to defend your family by any means necessary?  Would God expect you to turn the other cheek or fight for survival?

Sincerely,
Getting Prepared

Dear Getting Prepared,

When the Bible commands us to not kill, the word used for ‘kill’ is the word that we would use for ‘murder.  Some of the most faithful men in the Bible were soldiers and had to kill people in the defense of their country.  David was a man after God’s own heart (1 Sam 13:14), and yet David killed many people as a soldier.  Jesus marveled at the faith of a centurion soldier (Matt 8:8-10).  The first Gentile convert was Cornelius, a well-known Roman soldier (Acts 10:22).  When a group of soldiers asked John the Baptist what they needed to do to live a faithful life, he told them to be honest and faithful… but he never told them to stop serving in the military (Lk 3:14).  These are all examples of the difference between murder and self-defense (or war-time killing).

In the Old Testament, God made specific rules that allowed an individual to kill if they were defending their home or family (Ex 22:2).  In Lk 22:35-39, Jesus tells His disciples that persecution will begin after He leaves and that they ought to “buy a sword” – this is certainly an endorsement of self-defense.  All of these point to the fact that God distinguishes between defensive force and vigilante murder.

My boss was "using" me at the office because he had a position of power, and his wife confronted me, and he played dumb about doing anything wrong.  He acts “holier than thou” and has everyone fooled.  I ended up having to quit my job that, I must say, I was pretty good at.  Will God take care of his selfishness on His own?  What scriptures can I read to help me?  He told me never to contact him ever again.  All he does is lie and use people for his own gain.  Thanks.

Sincerely,
Between Jobs

Dear Between Jobs,

God makes sure that everyone has to answer for the choices that they make in this life (1 Pet 4:5); this includes both you and your boss – the truth is bare before God.  Vengeance belongs to the Lord (Rom 12:19).  In the end, if you flee from sin (1 Cor 6:18) and seek God (Heb 7:25), things will work together for your good (Rom 8:28).  In the end, losing this job may be the best thing that ever happened to you – it certainly got you out of a spiritually perilous circumstance.  God will take care of your boss, and now you are free to seek the Lord without hindrance (Heb 11:6).