I am a minister/evangelist and a widow with four children.  I have just reunited with a childhood sweetheart.  We haven't seen each other in thirty years.  We have been intimate and want to get married in six months.  He is saved and a deacon at his church in another state.  He has been a member for twenty years.  I am relocating to his state.  Our main problem is that he will not compromise or is willing to change his church or denomination.  I really feel bad because I have fallen in love and want to be married again after twenty-three years of marriage to my late husband.  I have a call in my life to minister to women and children.  I want to be with him at his church, but I know it wouldn't be long.  What do I do?  We need to clean up our act; I will not minister and treat God with disrespect in the pulpit.  What should I do?

Sincerely,
Perplexed

Dear Perplexed,

The best way for you to not treat God with disrespect in the pulpit would be to stay out of the pulpit.  You are worried about which denomination to be a part of, but all denominationalism is wrong (see “Down With Denominationalism” for further details).  You are worried about mistreating the pulpit by being married to a man of different religious views, but you ignore the fact that women aren’t supposed to be in the pulpit (1 Cor 14:34).  We here at AYP have a consistent record of showing patience with people who ask questions on this site, but just like our Lord taught… we have zero patience for those who profess to teach Christ but instead are hypocrites (Matt 23:13-15).  You say that you are an evangelist, and yet you ignore the most basic Bible teachings on men and women’s roles, the error of denominationalism (Eph 4:4-6), and depending on what you mean by “we have been intimate”, maybe even have ignored God’s teachings on marriage and sex (Heb 13:4).  Ma’am, you are no minister of Christ (Matt 7:21-23).

(This question is a follow-up to “Happy Humbug”)

I received your answer and thank you.  My question… you said there is nothing wrong with celebrating christmas as a family holiday, but it is wrong to teach it as a biblical holiday.  If it’s wrong to teach it as a biblical tradition, then why would God approve of it?  Also, if this is a tradition that the Romans made because they worship the god of Saturn, then I know God would not approve because He is a jealous God and says not to worship any other gods but Him (Ex 20:3).

Did you know that more people commit suicide around christmas than any other holiday… because people are afraid that they will not have the right present or won’t have enough money to buy one?  And every year, your family expects you to get them a gift or material of some sort, and if you don't, they get mad and angry at you.  Christmas is not about Jesus; it’s all about money and profit.  When people get up on December 25^th to celebrate Christmas, the first thing they do is run to the presents and materials.  They don’t bow down and thank God for what they already have.  This is a holiday that brings more hate than it does love.  Why?  Because God does not approve of it.

Sincerely,
The Grinch

Dear The Grinch,

We have many holidays that don’t have biblical origins.  Memorial day, Valentine’s Day, and Thanksgiving are all examples of non-biblical holidays.  If Christmas is treated as a voluntary holiday with presents, jovial family get-togethers, etc. – then there is nothing wrong with it.

However, if people are using Christmas to worship Saturn (which is highly unlikely nowadays) or treating it as a biblical necessity, then it is certainly wrong.  Your other concerns about Christmas are issues of greed and love.  God makes it clear that He hates it when we are fixated with material things (Lk 16:13).  The way many people treat the holidays is indicative of a growing dysfunction in our culture.  Many people forget that our lives consist of more than our possessions (Lk 12:15).

Why does the church not teach when Christmas first started?  They only teach that it’s Jesus’ birthday.  But they don’t teach who actually started Christmas.  Everything that I have been studying about Christmas has nothing to do with Jesus; it’s all about money.  When I type ‘what is Christmas’ into a search engine, Santa Claus is the first thing that is shown, not Jesus.  Congress was actually started on December 25^th, 1870, and America decided to make that the Christmas federal holiday.  Jesus was never born around December.  All my life, I have been told lies about Christmas.  Can someone out there tell me the truth about Christmas?

Sincerely,
The Grinch

Dear The Grinch,

Many people believe Christmas to be a spiritual holiday, but the Bible never commands us to celebrate Jesus’ birth on December 25^th (the truth is, no one knows when Jesus was born, but it was most likely in the spring or summer because the shepherds were out – Lk 2:15).  Christians are commanded to remember Jesus’ death every first day of the week (Acts 20:7, 1 Cor 11:24-25)… we are never commanded to remember His birth on an annual basis.  Christmas is not a biblical holiday.  There is nothing wrong with celebrating it as a family holiday, but it is wrong to teach that there is a biblical foundation to it.

Christmas can be traced back to the Roman pagan holiday of Winter Solstice (also known as ‘Saturnalia’ because it was in worship of the god, Saturn).  As Catholicism tried to integrate itself into a pagan Roman world, Christmas was instituted by Pope Julius I on December 25^th as a way to assimilate the pagans into a Catholic worldview.  In short, Christmas has never been a truly biblical holiday; it is a manmade tradition with no bearings upon your salvation.

(This question is a follow up to “The Pastor Problem”)

We have other ministers (who are women), and his [the pastor] feelings about women seem to be not ones of love.  Our church voted to ordain these women before he came, but he has blocked this.

Sincerely,
Not Feeling The Love

Dear Not Feeling The Love,

Just one more nail in the coffin for this congregation.  The role of women in the church is a very sensitive issue, which is why it is so important to carefully study the Scriptures on the topic.  Our behavior should always be guided by what God says, not by our personal agendas or emotions.  After clearly lambasting this “pastor” in the previous posts, we find ourselves in the odd position of agreeing with him.  Women should not be ministers.  1 Tim 2:12 very clearly states that women should not be preachers or ministers.  1 Cor 14:34-35 further clarifies that public teaching in the church is not a role for women.  Regardless of how politically incorrect that stance may be… that is what the Bible says.  The congregation you are attending is sinning by having women ministers.  It is time for you to find a faithful church because this church isn’t one.  We would be happy to help you find a congregation in your area – simply e-mail us at askyourpreacher@mvchurchofchrist.org, and we will help track down a scripturally sound, Bible-following, God-fearing congregation near you.

(This question is a follow-up to “Ungifted”.)

It's me again.  If you are not paying tithes, does the pastor have the right to stop you from serving on organizations?  If a deacon disagrees with his program, should the deacon be put off the deacon board?

Sincerely,
Under A Thumb

Dear Under A Thumb,

We’ll answer your question by asking a question: why is there only one pastor in this church?  The Lord never designed the church to be led by one man.  In every New Testament congregation, the church is led by a plurality of elders (also known as pastors).  Pastors lead the church together.  Paul wrote to the elders in Philippi (Php 1:1).  He met with the elders in Ephesus (Acts 20:17).  Every congregation had elders to lead them (Acts 14:23).  There is no example of a single elder/pastor leading the church.  Multiple pastors shepherding the church avoids all the power being placed in the hands of one man.  One man with too much authority can be corrupted… as your church is seeing.  This man is totally corrupted, power hungry, and greedy.  As you have mentioned in your previous questions, he has an unhealthy addiction to money.  This church has a problem with its leadership structure.  If you would like to start attending a congregation that won’t bleed you for every dollar you have AND is Scripturally sound AND will help you get to heaven instead of spreading false teaching, we would be happy to help you locate one in your area.  Our e-mail is askyourpreacher@mvchurchofchrist.org.