Today, many older people cannot afford to marry due to funds they get  each month for different reasons.  They will lose part of their money.  What does a christian do about this problem?  Thank you.

Sincerely,
Social Insecurity

Dear Social Insecurity,

There is a reason that the marriage vows include the words “for richer or for poorer”.  We can certainly sympathize with difficult financial circumstances, but money problems aren’t an excuse for living together outside of wedlock.  Young and old alike have financial considerations to factor in when getting married.  God promises that if we trust Him and do what is right, He will always take care of us (Rom 8:28).  If two people truly love each other and want to get married, then they should both count the cost and just say, “I do”.  No matter what, it would be ungodly to have sexual relations outside of marriage (1 Cor 7:2).

Is it a sin to wear pants?

Sincerely,
One Leg At A Time

Dear One Leg At A Time,

We are guessing that your question has to do with women wearing pants.  The Old Testament gives us the principle that women are to dress like women, and men are to dress like men (Deu 22:5).  This concept of men avoiding looking effeminate and women looking feminine is reiterated in the New Testament (1 Cor 6:9, 1 Tim 2:9).  In some cultures and time periods, only men wore/wear pants… other cultures have pants that are specifically tailored for women, and it would be quite noticeable and disturbing if men wore them!  The key is that men are to dress like men, and women are to dress like women.  Men should never look effeminate, and women aren’t to look masculine.  Culture and current fashion will dictate the specifics of what we wear, but the principle remains the same throughout all ages.

Sometimes I feel like the harder I try to keep my thoughts and my actions pure, the harder the devil works to try to put road blocks in the way.  I was raised in a christian home in which sex or any idea related to the naked human body was not discussed.  I have tried to do a better job of preparing my children for what they will be faced with as adults, but I really don't want to expose them to too much.  I guess that I'm finding that the relationship between a man and a woman doesn't seem to be a sacred relationship anymore.  Even some of my best "christian" friends make jokes or comments that seem offensive to me even around my children.  I guess my question: am I too uptight about this type of open discussion because of my upbringing, or is this type of banter something that we as christians should steer clear of?

Sincerely,
Mother Hoverer

Dear Mother Hoverer,

You aren’t crazy; the world and culture that we live in doesn’t treat the male and female relationship with respect, and that culture has bled into the church.  God warns christians against any sort of lewd jokes, crass language, or irreverent speech (Eph 4:29, Tit 2:7-8).  Heb 13:4 says that we should all hold the marriage relationship in a place of honor.  If anything that we say or do treats marriage as crass, common, or cheap – that is wrong.  We can’t tell you exactly where the line is between humorous banter and crass joking… but it is there, and we need to avoid that line.

The second part of your question deals with raising children.  You are wise to not expose your children to too much too quickly.  God tells us to train up our children in the way they should go (Pr 22:6).  Whenever you train someone, you start small and slowly introduce them to more complex issues as they learn.  That is how God would have us treat children – someday they will have to face all of these issues themselves, but until they are ready, parents are to be the filter through which they are introduced to the ethics and issues of life.

Should you shoot somebody in self-defense?

Sincerely,
Trigger Unhappy

Dear Trigger Unhappy,

When the Bible commands us to not kill, the word used for ‘kill’ is the word that we would use for ‘murder’.  Some of the most faithful men in the Bible were soldiers and had to kill people in the defense of their country.  David was a man after God’s own heart (1 Sam 13:14), and yet David killed many people as a soldier.  Jesus marveled at the faith of a centurion soldier (Matt 8:8-10).  The first Gentile convert was Cornelius, a well-known Roman soldier (Acts 10:22).  When a group of soldiers asked John the Baptist what they needed to do to live a faithful life, he told them to be honest and faithful… but he never told them to stop serving in the military (Lk 3:14).  These are all examples of the difference between murder and self-defense (or war-time killing).

In the Old Testament, God made specific rules that allowed an individual to kill if they were defending their home or family (Ex 22:2).  In Lk 22:35-39, Jesus tells His disciples that persecution will begin after He leaves and that they ought to “buy a sword” – this is certainly an endorsement of self-defense.  All of these point to the fact that God distinguishes between defensive force and vigilante murder.

I was wondering if it should be counted as wrong if you are a christian and believe in heaven but use words that are considered bad on Earth.  I'm just confused because some of my christian friends use those words.

Sincerely,
Higher Vocabulary

Dear Higher Vocabulary,

Your friends are wrong for using foul language, and just because they call themselves christians doesn’t mean they can say whatever they want.  Eph 4:29 tells us to avoid all corrupt speech.  We need to avoid any and all language that sounds filthy or derogatory – this would include all swear words.