I often say things that hurt the people I love; for example, I said to my sister today that she should have not planted a tree so close to another, and it hurt her feelings because she worked hard and was proud of her achievement.  She told me I was cynical just like our mother.  This, in turn, hurt me deeply.  I don't want to be cynical; I want to be edifying.  I work on it through Christ, but nothing seems to change.  I see the works of Christ in other areas of my life, but this root seems to be at the core of my being.  How can I have lasting healing from this?

Sincerely,
Glass Half Empty

Dear Glass Half Empty,

There is no miracle pill that will make you become better at interacting with people; kind words and a gentle tongue are skills acquired through practice and time.  Since you say that you’ve seen improvements in other areas of your life, you know that growth takes time – but eventually bears wonderful results.  Here are some things to consider as you try and improve your speech.

1. What we say comes from our hearts (Mk 7:18-23).  How you feel about people matters.  Spend time trying to think of life from the other person’s perspective.  Jesus was the master of compassion.  Even though He had nothing in common with the sinners He preached to, He still had a deep-seated love for them (Mk 2:16-17)… and it came across in how He spoke.
2. Sometimes the kindest thing you can say to someone is nothing at all.  If in doubt, keep your mouth shut.  Even a fool looks wise when he remains silent (Pr 17:28).  Nobody is offended by a kind, generous (and silent) smile.
3. Remember that words have power.  The old saying that “sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me” is a lie.  The human tongue has the ability to set the world on fire (Jas 3:5-6).  Think before you speak; what you say makes a difference.
4. Remember that God is watching the words that we use.  He hears everything and is displeased when we use the same mouth to praise Him and to curse our brother (Jas 3:9-10).  Speak like He is listening.

We wish you the very best in your journey to improve your speech.  We all need to fight the good fight of controlling our tongues.

I'm thirty years old and have been through my share of trials over the past few years.  Just this year alone, I've spent a week in the hospital and was sick the rest of the month (February), my dad tried to commit suicide (March), my mama died on my 30^th birthday - suddenly (May), I was terminated from my job when I returned from her funeral (May), my black lab was poisoned (June)… but thankfully he lived, I've had a "chemical pregnancy" i.e. early miscarriage (October), and the stress caused me to fail two classes in school which disqualified me from the program I've worked so hard to get into.  I have to now wait another year.  We are struggling severely with our finances, and I'm scared that we are going to just slip further behind.  I've gained 40+ lbs. and feel like I'm eating because I deserve punishment for some reason.  My "issues" are causing a lot of grief, not only to me, but also to my family.

My question is: why, why, why does it seem that God allows so much pain to enter one person’s life but spares others?  This is affecting my faith, which I am trying desperately to hold onto.  I pray to God daily asking Him to guide me and mold me into what He wants from me.  I ask Him if for some reason I am doing something wrong to deserve so much pain, please help me correct it.  Please help me understand the need for all of this pain.

Sincerely,
Daily Sufferer

Dear Daily Sufferer,

We are so very sorry to hear of the difficulties you are facing.  If we were in your circumstances, we would feel exactly as you do.  The truth is, God does not desire anyone to suffer.  God made the world perfect, placed mankind in the Garden of Eden, and gave us a joyously blissful existence in that paradise.  Who caused the pain?  We did.  It is sin that has brought all of the death, disease, decay, pain, suffering, troubles, and heartaches into our world.  We all, in varying degrees, are reaping the benefits of a world with sin in it.

People suffer for various reasons:

1. Sometimes we suffer for our own sins (Gal 6:7-8)
2. Sometimes we suffer because of others’ choices (Like David's sufferings at the hands of Saul - 1 Sam 20:1)
3. Sometimes we suffer in order to glorify God through our suffering and recovery (Like the blind man - Jhn 9:2-3)

No matter what, God tells us that we can rejoice in tribulations (Rom 5:3) because eventually, if we suffer faithfully, our tribulations produce indestructible hope… a hope that cannot be taken away from us.  God causes all things to work together for good for those who love Him (Rom 8:28).  We cannot tell you how or when, but someday you will look back on this time and say, "I am better for having been through it."  Until that day, trust in the Lord, and He will see you through.

My question is about asking forgiveness of sins.  Is it okay to simply say, "Please forgive me of my sins" and leave it at that when praying, or do I need to list each sin out specifically?  Do I only need to mention the big ones by name, or is it okay to lump them all together generically?

Sincerely,
Taking My Lumps

Dear Taking My Lumps,

It certainly isn’t wrong to list all of your sins out specifically, but a more generic statement is also acceptable.  Jesus taught His disciples to pray, “And forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors” (Matt 6:12).  That is a generic way to ask for forgiveness.  Moses mentioned in the Psalms that we have “secret sins” (Ps 90:8).  In reality, you can’t list all of your sins in prayer because you don’t even know all of the different sins you commit.  There is nothing wrong with generalizing in your prayers, as long as it is still sincere.

While having a discussion, someone said that if you ask for forgiveness for your sins and transgressions, God will only forgive you one time.  My belief is that even if you live your whole life sinning – and at the end, if you ask and believe, God will forgive you, and you will go to heaven.  Who's right?

Sincerely,
Limitless Forgiveness

Dear Limitless Forgiveness,

God will forgive you more than one time.  John says that as we walk in the light, we have fellowship with Jesus, and He cleanses us from all sin (1 Jn 1:7).  The apostle John also said that if we confess our sins, we will be forgiven (1 Jn 1:9).  The number of times a christian will do that in their lifetime is without number.  Of course, these verses apply to those who already have become christians.  If you have not yet become a christian, there is more to it than simply confessing your sins.

In the book of Acts, we see what it takes to become a christian.  When Peter was asked by the Jews what they needed to do to be saved (Acts 2:37), Peter told them they needed to repent and be baptized (Acts 2:38).  Everyone who wants to become a christian must be baptized to be saved (Mk 16:16, 1 Pet 3:21).  After repenting of your sins (‘repent’ means ‘change your mind’), the lost person is fully immersed in water and buried with Christ through baptism (Rom 6:4).  Once someone is baptized for forgiveness of their sins, they are a christian.  Then the continual cleansing described in First John would apply.

I am reading about John the Baptist in Luke 1:15.  In this verse, it explains that the angel of the Lord tells Zacharias that his son, John, will be "filled with the Holy Spirit, even from his mother's womb."

This made me wonder if during this time in history, both Jesus (God's Son) and the Holy Spirit were present upon the earth at the same time, leaving the Lord Father in Heaven alone, or does the idea of "omnipresent" fit in here?

Pardon me if this seems silly to ask, but when reading the Bible, I was lead to believe that in the beginning, God the Father walked upon the earth with Adam and Eve and spoke directly to them, but then, after mankind became so corrupt, He stepped away, and His Son, Jesus, came and walked among men.  Finally, now that we are under the New Testament, the perfect has come, the Bible and the Holy Spirit, which is our comfort in today's world.  So would it be correct to assume that the Scriptures show exceptions, such as in this case?  Thank you for your time.

Sincerely,
Looking For God

Dear Looking For God,

Yes, the idea of omnipresent is probably the answer in this case.  There is no doubt that The Father, The Son, and the Holy Spirit are distinct entities.  A great example of Their distinctness is seen at Jesus’ baptism.  The Father spoke from heaven, the Son came out of the water, and the Holy Spirit descended as a dove (Lk 3:21-22).  However, it is only the Son who took on permanent, finite, human form (Php 2:5-8).  The Father and the Holy Spirit are still completely omnipresent and omnipotent.

In fact, the Holy Spirit’s omnipresent ability is how He could fill John the Baptist with the Holy Spirit while also filling Jesus simultaneously.  He eventually also filled the apostles and many of the first century christians.  The Scriptures do say that the Holy Spirit was sent after Jesus’ ascension (Jhn 16:7).  However, we also know that even though the Holy Spirit is here, He is also in heaven making intercession for us as we pray (Rom 8:26-27).

Everything you said about the Father walking with Adam and Eve, Jesus walking among mankind, and the Holy Spirit being our Comforter is true, but that doesn’t mean that the other two Deity were excluded during those times.  The details of what God can do and where He goes are simply beyond us.  How God can be in all places at all times is a concept that is too much for us to comprehend.