What does the Bible say about two people sleeping in the same bed together if they aren't married but aren't having sex either?

Sincerely, Two In The Bed

Dear Two In The Bed,

If you are talking about two people of opposite gender who aren’t related to each other – you’ve got a problem. For the sake of brevity, I’m going to assume you aren’t talking about two brothers sharing a bed at Grandma’s house, or Great Aunt Bessie sharing a queen sized bed with Great Aunt Marge during a family reunion weekend. Everyone feels comfortable with those circumstances.

I’m guessing that you are asking whether or not two people who are of similar age and opposite gender can sleep (but not have intercourse) together. That situation isn’t honorable. God wants us to do that which is honorable in the sight of all men (Rom 12:17, 2 Cor 8:21). He also wants us to avoid all forms, which literally means ‘appearances’, of evil (1 Thess 5:22).

God tells us to treat young women as sisters and young men as brothers (1 Tim 5:1-2). Let me ask you...

1. Would you want a man sleeping in the same bed as your sister before they were married?
2. Would you advise your brother to sleep in the same bed as his girlfriend before they were married?
3. Would you want your son or daughter to sleep in the same bed with someone before they were married?

The advice we would give to our children and siblings is the same advice we should take ourselves. Flee immorality (1 Cor 6:18) and don’t put yourself in that situation.

I am a christian and have a hard-earned doctorate in a prestigious field.  My peers and colleagues think that the idea of God is antiquated and ludicrous.  Meanwhile, christians at my church have little education, menial jobs, and minimal interest in esoteric matters.  This may sound cruel, but I would be embarrassed to bring my colleagues to services.  I am ashamed of my discomfort but am still unwilling to invite my professional friends to church.  Why can't christians seem smarter?

Sincerely, Between a PhD and a Hard Place

Dear Between a PhD and a Hard Place,

You are assuming God defines ‘smart’ the same way as you do. God doesn’t care about esoteric debates and controversial questions – in fact He mocks those who build their lives upon such things (1 Cor 1:20, 1 Tim 6:4).

God defines ‘smart’ as those honest and humble enough to seek Him (Lk 8:15). The intelligent person seeks the truth regardless of whether it is fashionable, impressive, or easy. The intelligent person makes sacrifices in this life, so they might have treasure in the next (Lk 9:23). The intelligent person confesses Christ openly, so Christ will confess him openly before God (Lk 12:8).

‘Smart’ is in the eyes of the beholder. Your colleagues know much more about the ways of this world and academia than the average person does. Yet, does this make them smart considering this world is passing away (2 Pet 3:10)? If I place all of my trust in the knowledge and power of man, will I not be considered a fool before God on the Day of Judgment? Is that not the message of the parable of the rich man (Lk 12:18-20)? It is not the brethren who are dumb but the overly-educated scholastics who deny the need for God.

God says that very few scholars of this age will obey the gospel (1 Cor 1:26)… this makes you a very rare and special gift to your colleagues. You are numbered among the few of academia that have realized the importance of eternal wisdom. This makes your responsibility to your peers all the more poignant. You have a rare opportunity to shine brightly for God’s Word in a world that tries to suppress it. Do not hide your light (Lk 11:33).

With the new law trying to be passed to make doctors unable to turn down someone that wants an abortion, what are you to do if the situation comes up?

Sincerely, Doing No Harm

Dear Doing No Harm,

Do what is right in God’s eyes and forsake man’s laws (Acts 4:19-20). It is a sad fact that our modern culture does not value life. The deaths of unborn children skyrockets every year, exemplifying our ever more selfish culture that refuses to care for its weakest and most innocent members. Who are we to decide what is and isn’t life? As a society degenerates, God’s people are more and more often persecuted for their beliefs.

• Lot lost everything to flee from Sodom and Gomorrah (Gen 19:29-30).
• Joseph was thrown in jail for fleeing fornication (Gen 39:12-20).
• Elijah was almost murdered by Jezebel (1 Kgs 19:1-2).
• Christ lost his life for doing good (Acts 3:14-15).
• Paul was stoned and left for dead (Acts 14:19).

If a doctor is asked to kill a child by the United States legal system, he must refuse. He serves a greater law than America, and his treasures are stored in another place (Matt 6:20).

Paul told the first century christians in Rome, Corinth, and Thessalonica to greet each other with a “holy kiss” (Rom 16:16, 1 Cor 16:20, 2 Cor 13:12, 1 Thess 5:26).  Is this a command applicable to all christians in all eras?  I don’t see anyone observing this practice today.

When studying God’s word, how do we differentiate among commands, suggestions, traditions, and cultural issues that don’t apply to us today?

Sincerely, Never Been (Holy) Kissed

Dear Never Been (Holy) Kissed,

Your radar is correct in thinking that the ‘kiss’ part of the command is cultural. Just like modern Europeans, a kiss upon the cheek was a normal greeting for the people of the East. The key is that Paul was instructing them to greet one another with a HOLY kiss. Holy means ‘pure’, ‘sanctified’, ‘godly’. Their greetings to one another were to be pure and sincere… a greeting for brothers and friends. This is why the command for a holy kiss is preceded by Paul’s instruction to the Corinthians to be of one mind and to live in peace with each other (2 Cor 13:11-12). A modern equivalent would be to tell the christians to greet one another with a holy handshake or a holy hug – those being the typical greetings of our modern American era.

The bigger issue that you bring up is how to differentiate among cultural traditions, suggestions, and commands of God. In general, context becomes the guide for this.

A suggestion will be stated as a suggestion, like when Paul explained the pros and cons of marriage (1 Cor 7:32-38). If in doubt, treat Bible teachings as commands unless they are explicitly stated as matters of suggestion or opinion.

Cultural traditions typically stand out by the context as well – although having a historical perspective tends to help. Some examples of cultural issues are:

1. Kissing as a greeting
2. The church meeting in the upper room (all houses were designed with a large upstairs open-air porch)
3. Washing of feet (a gesture of service done to guests as they entered a house because their feet were dirty from wearing sandals)

All three of these examples can be placed under the category of culture and not command. An understanding of the first century world helps to illuminate what was and wasn’t commanded by God. If the practice was a common one for all people of the day (i.e. kissing, feet washing, large groups meeting upstairs), then it makes sense that God wasn’t commanding them to do something that everyone already did!

     I understand the limited responsibility of the local church in regard to benevolence.  My concern is this: our preacher has been presenting lessons about how we should be helping out the poor and that the Bible commands it.  The problem is:

1. I'm not exactly rich; in fact, I'm barely making ends meet.  But now I'm feeling sort of guilty after these sermons.
2. If I try to help the needy, how do I do it?  I mean, do I go out and try to find a poor person or give to the guy standing on the corner with a "Please Help Me Feed My Kids" sign?

I am a single woman with no retirement plan, no medical insurance, and a job that is "on call" and lucky if I get in a 32-hour work week.  I know our idea of poverty in this country doesn't come close to real poverty faced in other nations, but I'm feeling pretty strapped right now.  How do I fulfill my Christian responsibility to help the needy like our preacher says we should?

Sincerely,
Times Are Tight

Dear Times Are Tight,

In order to fulfill the command to help the poor, we must have both means and opportunity.  2 Cor 8:12 tells us that God only holds us accountable for what we are physically able to do.  You can’t give millions of dollars to charity if you don’t have millions of dollars to give!  So take comfort; God doesn’t expect you to give beyond your capabilities.
In fact, the story of the widow and the mites in Lk 21:1-4 makes it clear that amount isn’t important to God, but effort is.  As opportunities arise in your life to help those who are in need (needs can be physical, financial, emotional, etc.) – fulfill them.  After all, Jesus said that even a cup of cold water counts when it comes to helping His service (Matt 10:42).