(This question is a follow-up to “The Last Straw”)

I read your answer to my question. Yes, he did put himself in bad company which put him in the position to do the things he did.  He sees his mistakes by befriending these people and wants to become friends with the Lord.  I believe people can put themselves in situations for which they later have to suffer the consequences... and the consequences of this are a loss of trust and respect from me that he will have to show and earn back.  I also think that God can take anything from a person if they allow Him in their heart, and I feel that he wants this to happen.  It says in the Bible that good things can come of evil; could it be that the evil that was done was meant for not only him but me to become better friends with God?  I mean, we all make mistakes, and none of us are perfect, but does this mean we should throw people away for a wrong doing?  Before we became engaged, we seemed to have the same values, but somewhere around these bad people, he got lost in it.  People lose sight of God and lose their relationship with Him, but these same people can find their way back, right?

Yes, he would have to show me he can be trusted and prove that he would do right, and this will take time.  I, myself, am a recovering addict, and for eighteen years now, with God’s help, I have never looked back.  Shouldn’t I at the least allow him the chance to prove he can be strong enough to allow God to help him do the same for him?  Sometimes people only learn and grow through mistakes.  Thank you very much for giving me some Scriptures to help me.  I sometimes have a hard time finding my answers, but I pray, and that is how I ended up finding this website.

Sincerely,
Down With Drugs

Dear Down With Drugs,

There is nothing wrong with giving your fiancée a second chance as long as you realize the risk and the need to be careful before entering into marriage.  We do all make mistakes, and God constantly gives us second chances (Matt 18:21-22)… as long as you are aware that marriage isn’t a relationship that should begin until trust has been restored (remember, you know you can trust someone when their lifestyle has shown the fruits of change – Matt 7:16-20).  It is an admirable quality that you desire to help him and give him opportunity to start over.  It may very well be your kindness that helps him stay clean (Jas 5:20)… as long as you never forget that change is ultimately up to him (Php 2:12).

5 minutes a day 5 days a week - a year of Bible Wisdom

My fiancée is a recovering addict; he had been clean for a long time.  He used money to take care of responsibilities and also stole for the two weeks he went back to his addiction.  He moved back to his mother's house and has been gone a month.  He is asking to come home, and I am not sure of what to do.  I am trying to forgive him, but does forgiving him mean continuing letting him be a part of my life, or does forgiving him mean to just let it go as well as him?

Sincerely,
Down With Drugs

Dear Down With Drugs,

Forgiveness is not the same as trust.  We can forgive someone without trusting them.  You must also consider the fact that God tells us to avoid bad company because it will corrupt us (1 Cor 15:33).  Also, God doesn't want people to get married to someone who doesn't have the same values or standards because they will become unequally yoked to them (2 Cor 6:14).  Thirdly, it is important to remember that sometimes the loving thing to do for someone is to let them suffer the consequences of their choices.  It would be wrong for you to seek vengeance (Rom 12:19), but there is nothing wrong with letting people realize that their bad choices have consequences... such as a loss of trust, and in this case, the destruction of your engagement.

One final thing, we may have misunderstood you when you said he is "asking to come home", but if that means that he is wanting to live with you before you are married... that is always wrong and should be avoided as well (1 Cor 6:18).

5 minutes a day 5 days a week - a year of Bible Wisdom

Is it possible to live a christian life when you cut off all ties to parents and keep their grandbaby from them?  My parents have never seen their first grandbaby.  This decision was mutual between my husband and I.  My parents ignore my husband; they pretend he doesn't exist.

Sincerely,
Discouraged Daughter

Dear Discouraged Daughter,

If you cut ties for moral reasons, yes... but not if you just got tired of dealing with family.  God emphasizes the need and importance of honoring parents (Ex 20:12, Matt 19:19, Matt 15:4, Mk 10:19, Eph 6:2).  Showing respect and kindness toward those who gave you the gift of life is deeply important.  The only time that it would be appropriate to sever that relationship would be if your parents were stopping you from serving the Lord (Matt 10:37).  Our relationship with our spiritual Father is more important than our relationship with our physical parents (Matt 19:29).  God understands that sometimes, for the sake of living a pure life, lines must be drawn between family members (Matt 10:35-36).  However, if at all possible, this should be avoided.  As much as it depends on you, be at peace with all men (Rom 12:18).