So you kind of went over this in your answer to the "Can I Lose My Salvation" question… but I was wondering about my own salvation. I fall into that other extreme where I feel like if I'm not perfect, I'm not saved. I've been praying for more trust in God and studying my Bible a lot more (which has been extremely helpful). However, I still feel even though I think that I will be saved (flaws and all) that I could be doing better. I fear that if I don't constantly keep this in mind and push myself to do better, I will be lost. I guess my question is this: is this a proper attitude, or do I need to work on my trust in God still when it comes to my salvation?  People always say you should be assured of your salvation, but how do you know if you are on the brink of being lost?  I guess I just wish there were definite parameters.

Sincerely, Confident, I think...

Dear Confident,

Your struggle is a normal one and is an issue of maturity over time. All christians begin their new lives with the fear of hell and God’s punishment (Pr 1:7)… this is a healthy thing. The church was encouraged to fear God, and they grew when they did (Acts 5:11, Acts 9:31). So fear isn’t a negative thing; it keeps us safe and spurs us to submit to God. But even though fear is the beginning of wisdom, it isn’t the end of it.

John states that fear begins to diminish as our relationship with God becomes more and more built upon love (1 John 4:18)… our love for Him and a growing appreciation of His love for us.

Yes, you must constantly push yourself to improve and grow (Heb 6:1-6). Remember, growing as a christian can become a joy and a pleasure (Matt 11:29). All parent/child relationships have an aspect of fear to them, but ultimately love is seen as the prevailing element in a healthy family dynamic. God is our father (Rom 8:15), and we are his children (1 John 3:1).

It takes maturity and time to appreciate the love of God. The greatest gift man has ever received was the sacrifice of God’s own Son (Jhn 3:16). It should not be any surprise that it takes time, study, and wisdom to appreciate how much God really wants you to spend eternity with Him. Don’t worry; even if you can’t decide whether you are going to heaven or not – it isn’t your decision anyway! Follow God’s commands to the best of your ability, and over time the confidence of your heart will grow, your confidence in your salvation will increase, and you will have more and more peace regarding your eternal home (1 John 3:18-20).

I'm getting to the age where I'm kind of interested in boys...at what age does the Bible say that it's okay to date?  Does it say?

Sincerely, Older By The Minute

Dear Older By The Minute,

No, the Bible doesn’t say how old you must be to date. The Bible does lay down principles regarding dating or courting. Take a look at our post on dating/courting to see more about that topic.

As far as age is concerned, the Bible doesn’t give a proper age. Everyone differs in maturity and readiness to begin looking for their future spouse. The first rule of thumb is to not rush it. Song of Solomon mentions quite a few times to not speed into the world of romance (Songs 2:7). Ecclesiastes says there is a time for love and to wait for that time (Eccl 3:8). Rushing into romance too early can be disastrous.

God puts children under the authority of parents for just such a reason. Eph 6:1-3 says there is a blessing when children obey their parents. Parents have a keen insight into their children and tend to know what is best for them. You would do well to talk to your parents about the subject (even though it may be difficult or embarrassing for you) and see what they have to say. Godly parents can really make a difference in preparing you for this new aspect of your life. Listen to them and you will be blessed.

5 minutes a day 5 days a week All the New Testament in a year

When we are told to confess our sins; what all does that entail? Does that just mean confessing to God in prayer, or do I need to be making an effort to tell other christians of all my struggles?

Sincerely, Tongue Tied

We must confess all of our sins to God (1 John 1:9) and be prepared to get help with our faults from other christians (Jas 5:16). When James talks about confessing sins to each other, he is talking in the context of prayer. His point is that when someone prays for you as you struggle with sin, that prayer will make an immense difference. He is not stating that you have to announce every single sin you have ever committed to each and every christian you meet.

There are definitely times to tell another person about your sin.

1. If you have sinned against them, you must admit it and ask for forgiveness (Lk 17:3-4).
2. If you believe the knowledge of your previous sin will help them (1 Tim 1:15-16).
3. If you are struggling with a sin and need help (Jas 5:16, Eccl 4:9).
4. If it would be deceptive to not reveal the sin (1 Jhn 1:8).

All of those situations constitute an appropriate time to confess your sins to another person. God doesn’t call us to parade our past sins before all we meet, but there is a time to own up to our faults before both man and God.

5 minutes a day 5 days a week All the New Testament in a year