5 minutes a day 5 days a week All the New Testament in a year

Paul told the first century christians in Rome, Corinth, and Thessalonica to greet each other with a “holy kiss” (Rom 16:16, 1 Cor 16:20, 2 Cor 13:12, 1 Thess 5:26).  Is this a command applicable to all christians in all eras?  I don’t see anyone observing this practice today.

When studying God’s word, how do we differentiate among commands, suggestions, traditions, and cultural issues that don’t apply to us today?

Sincerely, Never Been (Holy) Kissed

Dear Never Been (Holy) Kissed,

Your radar is correct in thinking that the ‘kiss’ part of the command is cultural. Just like modern Europeans, a kiss upon the cheek was a normal greeting for the people of the East. The key is that Paul was instructing them to greet one another with a HOLY kiss. Holy means ‘pure’, ‘sanctified’, ‘godly’. Their greetings to one another were to be pure and sincere… a greeting for brothers and friends. This is why the command for a holy kiss is preceded by Paul’s instruction to the Corinthians to be of one mind and to live in peace with each other (2 Cor 13:11-12). A modern equivalent would be to tell the christians to greet one another with a holy handshake or a holy hug – those being the typical greetings of our modern American era.

The bigger issue that you bring up is how to differentiate among cultural traditions, suggestions, and commands of God. In general, context becomes the guide for this.

A suggestion will be stated as a suggestion, like when Paul explained the pros and cons of marriage (1 Cor 7:32-38). If in doubt, treat Bible teachings as commands unless they are explicitly stated as matters of suggestion or opinion.

Cultural traditions typically stand out by the context as well – although having a historical perspective tends to help. Some examples of cultural issues are:

1. Kissing as a greeting
2. The church meeting in the upper room (all houses were designed with a large upstairs open-air porch)
3. Washing of feet (a gesture of service done to guests as they entered a house because their feet were dirty from wearing sandals)

All three of these examples can be placed under the category of culture and not command. An understanding of the first century world helps to illuminate what was and wasn’t commanded by God. If the practice was a common one for all people of the day (i.e. kissing, feet washing, large groups meeting upstairs), then it makes sense that God wasn’t commanding them to do something that everyone already did!

My former girlfriend and I had premarital sex, and she broke up with me because of it.  She felt guilty and said she betrayed her faith.  We never had an in-depth conversation about her beliefs until this. She says there is no way we can redeem ourselves in God's eyes, so she broke up with me.  Doesn't God forgive us for our sins? Isn't it possible for us to have a strong, healthy relationship as long as we don't have intercourse again until marriage? I regret having sex now because it completely derailed our relationship.  I am prepared to work on starting a new relationship with her based on faith.  I believe it will help the both of us in the long run.

Sincerely, Wanting Another Chance

Dear Wanting Another Chance,

You were wrong in having sex before marriage. She is wrong that you can’t be redeemed and forgiven. You are right in wanting to start a new relationship based on faith.

Unfortunately, you have both learned the hard way that doing things without God can cause an immense amount of pain, trouble, guilt, shame, and suffering. Premarital sex isn’t all the ‘fun’ that our society pretends it to be.

I applaud your desire to start over with a new foundation to your relationship. That means starting over with a new foundation to your life. How important is it to you to serve Christ? Are you willing to do what He says (Jhn 15:14)?

Becoming a christian is a new life (Gal. 2:20) built around the concept that God knows best, and His Word (the Bible) will guide your life. You must be willing to repent of your old life (Acts 17:30), confess Him as Savior (Matt 10:32), and be baptized in His name (1 Pet 3:21). Once you are baptized, you will be forgiven of ALL your sins - including this one (Acts 2:38). At that point, you are ready to start growing in a new life lived by faith through His Word (Rom 10:17, 1 Pet 2:2).

I highly recommend that whether or not she takes you back, you seek out a congregation in your area that teaches these things. If it is important enough to do this with your girlfriend, it’s important enough to do by yourself. There are many denominations out there – don’t fall for them. You want to find a congregation that lives, breathes, sleeps, and eats Bible... a congregation that looks just like the ones you see in the New Testament. If you email us at askyourpreacher@mvchurchofchrist.org, we would be happy to help you find such a congregation.

5 minutes a day 5 days a week All the New Testament in a year

5 minutes a day 5 days a week All the New Testament in a year