The Bible mentions adultery once in a while, and Jesus says that if you look at a woman and have lust in your heart, you commit adultery.  This seems logical to me IF you or the lady are married.  If not, isn't it fornication?  Or is it classified as adultery?  This affected me personally quite heavily, and now I'd just like to do the right thing, but it doesn't seem clear.  Would marrying someone that has already slept with a couple of people but not gotten married be adultery?  Thanks for considering.

Sincerely,
Wedlock Wondering

Dear Wedlock Wondering,

In order for adultery to happen, there has to be a marriage.  There are two terms used in your question: ‘adultery’ and ‘fornication’.  Both are similar, but not identical.  ‘Fornication’ is defined as ‘sexual immorality’.  The definition of ‘adultery’ is ‘an unlawful sex act committed by a married person’.  All adultery is fornication, but not all fornication is adultery.  The only people that can commit adultery are people that are married (hence the word ‘adultery’… you are adulterating the marriage).  All fornication is a sin (1 Cor 6:18) and should be avoided at all costs – whether you are married or not.  However, technically speaking, an unmarried person cannot commit adultery.

Do you think in the case of forced or arranged marriages you are really married in God’s eyes, especially if you did not want to marry that person in the first place?

Sincerely,
My Parents Made Me

Dear My Parents Made Me,

If you made a vow, even one you regret… you are bound to it (Eccl 5:4-5).  What we here at AYP think doesn’t matter; what matters is what the Scriptures say on the issue.  Jesus says that our ‘yes’ should be ‘yes’, and our ‘no’ should be ‘no’ (Matt 5:37).  Christianity is about living as people of truth, and that includes telling the truth.  If you made a promise to remain married to someone, then you are married.

I recently had sex without being married.  Can I be forgiven, and will I still go to heaven?

Sincerely,
Worried

Dear Worried,

Yes, you can be forgiven… but you need to change your lifestyle.  For a christian to be forgiven of a sin, they need to confess their sins (1 Jn 1:8-10) and then repent (Acts 3:19).  ‘Repent’ means ‘to change your mind’.  Part of true repentance is fleeing from future fornication (1 Cor 6:18).  You need to make sure that this single act doesn’t become a lifestyle.  Sincere confession and repentance are all that a christian needs to do to receive forgiveness – however, if you are not yet a christian, you also need to be baptized to receive salvation (1 Pet 3:21, Mk 16:16, Acts 2:38).  If you would like help finding a faithful church to attend where you can start a new life with the hope of heaven, e-mail us at askyourpreacher@mvchurchofchrist.org, and we will help you locate a group of God-fearing believers in your area.

     I love someone who has the same gender as me, and we're both Christians.  Is this wrong?  We love God above all.  Our preacher preached about this and made me scared because I do not want to go to hell, neither does my partner.  I do not want her to be in any trouble.  I love her so much, and I do not want to let her go.  Please help me.  Is loving someone the same gender as yours a sin?  Help me please.

Sincerely,
In Love

Dear In Love,

Homosexuality is definitely a sin (Rom 1:26-27).  Any sexual activity outside of God’s plan for marriage is fornication.  Homosexual behavior, pre-marital sex, adultery, etc. are all sinful and Jesus condemned them all when He taught the right way for men and women to behave.  God doesn’t force anyone to act upon same-sex attractions, just like God doesn’t force an alcoholic to the bottle or a wrathful husband to strike his wife.  How we act is a choice, not a genetic equation.  There is a lot of debate over why some people have same-sex attractions, but at the end of the day, your temptations need to be mastered.  When Cain was angry, God told Cain to rule over sin or it would devour him (Gen 4:7).  Same-sex attractions are a temptation that stems from within a person, just like anger, unhealthy opposite-sex attractions, and a thousand other temptations (Jas 1:13-14).  The key is that there is always a way of escape from those unhealthy desires (1 Cor 10:13).  You and this other woman need to flee the fornication of homosexuality (1 Cor 6:18).

What does it mean to be a high-maintenance believer?  I need help with understanding all this.  I just read about falling away from God in Heb 5:12-13.  Could I be spiritually dry/dull?  Help… thanks.

Sincerely,
Running On Premium

Dear Running On Premium,

Every believer is high-maintenance (it took the blood of God’s Son to save us… we’re pretty sure that counts as being high-maintenance)… but falling away from the faith goes beyond maintenance – it means someone is once again lost and dead in their sins.  Heb 6:4-6 says that those who continue to live sinful lifestyles (or return to sinful lifestyles) after receiving salvation, re-crucify Christ.  Heb 6:7-8 goes on to state that christians are supposed to take the blessings of salvation and change their lives for the better.  God sent His Son, so we could be free from sin, not revel in it (Rom 6:1-2).  We should present our lives and bodies as instruments of righteousness and service to God (Rom 6:11-13).  Heb 5:12-13 makes it clear that we should press forward and grow from being babes in Christ to full-grown and mature adult christians.