I WANT TO DIVORCE MY HUSBAND; HE HIT ME TONIGHT FOR THE FIRST TIME, AND HE IS VERY HOTHEADED WHILE BEING A POLICE OFFICER. WILL THE LORD FORGIVE ME FOR DIVORCE DUE TO PHYSICAL ABUSE???????

Sincerely,
Angry In All Caps

Dear Angry In All Caps,

We cannot imagine the emotional turmoil, anger, hurt, sorrow, and frustration that you are feeling right now.  Any husband that hurts his wife physically or verbally is not showing love or treating her "as his own body" as the Scriptures say he should (Eph 5:28).  He is sinning, but don't compound that sin by sinning yourself by divorcing him.  The only Biblical reason for divorce is fornication (Matt 19:9).  You have every right to separate from him, but if you do, you are still married - just separated.  You can move out, and if you don't feel safe - you should.  Your marriage needs counseling, and we recommend you find a Biblical counselor in your area that will help you and your husband through these trials.  Find a counselor that does not view divorce as an option - we would be happy to help with that if you would like.  May God give you peace in this time of trial.

I feel like I am struggling to be the person God wants me to be; I ask Him for guidance and to help me make sure I’m going down the path He wants me to.  My future still seems so uncertain.  I’m watching my grandfather die slowly, and I’m struggling through a relationship with a girl I care a lot about but don’t know if we are right for each other.  I also have a fear for her faithfulness even though she, to my knowledge, has never done anything she shouldn’t have.  I don’t remember ever feeling so lost even though I think my relationship with God is as strong as ever.  Admittedly, I don’t go to church; I haven’t been for years.  I tell myself that what is important is my relationship with God.  I feel guilty for complaining about my life knowing that there are people out there who have it much worse than I do.  I’m healthy, fed; I mean, I have a pretty decent life.

In short - am I being selfish?  Why do I feel lost and not know the right thing to do?  How do you know what is best for you?  Would I be a better christian/person if I went to church?

I don’t expect you to answer this or reply, but guidance would be appreciated.

Sincerely,
Without A Compass

Dear Without A Compass,

Solomon once said that to fear God and keep His commandments is the whole of man (Eccl 12:13).  Right now, you aren’t feeling whole because you aren’t paying attention to all of His commandments.  The sum of God’s Word is truth (Ps 119:160).  We cannot find peace and salvation without embracing all of God’s teachings and humbly allowing the Master to guide our lives.  Heb 10:24-25 makes it clear that you cannot serve God without assembling with christians on a regular basis.  He also teaches that we must take the Lord’s Supper regularly (every Sunday – Acts 20:7) with other christians (1 Cor 11:20-26).  No man is an island; christians are meant to gather together with others who can help them through the trials of life (like watching your grandfather die) and the difficult decisions (like how to proceed with your girlfriend).  The church is made up of many individuals, and it is designed to build all of us up together in Christ (Eph 4:12-16).  You won’t be a whole person until you begin working with a church and attending services.

We caution you that it is important to find a church that will teach and instruct you only in the Scriptures.  Not all congregations are alike.  There are many religious groups that warp and pervert the Scriptures (1 Jhn 4:1) – and they will only make your situation worse.  If you would like help finding a faithful and Biblical congregation in your area, please feel free to e-mail us at askyourpreacher@mvchurchofchrist.org, and we will do our best to put you in contact with a trustworthy congregation near you.

I was told recently by my pastor that an elder should always put his congregation first, even before his wife.  I believe that to be incorrect.  I always thought that we should all place God first, our spouses second, and our children third, and that is the model for a christian family.  I believe that to be one of the most significant examples to your congregation.  Am I correct, or am I wrong about this?

Sincerely,
Ducks In A Row

Dear Ducks In A Row,

You are right.  The Scriptures are clear that being an elder is a voluntary position (1 Tim 3:1).  A man can resign from the eldership, but he can’t resign from his marriage or his family.  God makes it clear that when a man marries, a large portion of his life becomes dedicated to caring for his wife’s needs (1 Cor 7:32-34).  Furthermore, husbands are clearly told that they must care for their wives as much as they care for their own bodies (Eph 5:28).  A man is a husband for life; he is an elder by choice for a time.

His relationship with his children is also not optional.  A father has various responsibilities to his offspring (Eph 6:4, Col 3:21, Heb 12:9, etc.).

My question is: when a pregnant woman gets baptized in water, how does that baptism affect the unborn fetus "spiritually"… considering that the Bible states that the soul is created upon conception, not birth?  So technically, is the unborn baby getting baptized also?

Sincerely,
Wet Womb

Dear Wet Womb,

The baptism wouldn’t affect the child at all.  Baptism doesn’t mean anything unless the person is believing (Mk 16:16) and repentant (Acts 2:38).  Since it is impossible for an infant to believe or repent… the child would not be affected by the baptism in a spiritual way.  On top of that, a child doesn’t need to be saved – which is the purpose of baptism (1 Pet 3:21).  Feel free to read “What About The Children?” for further details on the spiritual condition of children.

My 46-year-old sister has been caught up in a group of new age shamans.  She has taken all the classes and is now involved in some things they call “soul retrieval” and “journeying”.  Both delve into the spirit world.  She claims to talk to spirits and my deceased mother.  Whenever I see her, I get a very uneasy creepy feeling.  I am at the point where I can’t stand to be around her or look at her.  I want to be a good sister and christian, but I don't know what I should do.  She knows that I think what she is involved in is wrong and thinks it is funny.  She says she believes in God, but I feel what she is involved in is not right.  Not sure how to handle this anymore.  Any suggestions?  Thank you.

Sincerely,
My Soul Doesn’t Need Retrieving

Dear My Soul Doesn’t Need Retrieving,

If she thinks your religious differences are funny, religion is not something she is taking very seriously at this stage of her life.  Jesus said, “I am the way, the truth, and the life; no one comes to the Father except through Me” (Jhn 14:6).  Jesus is an exclusive Savior; He leaves no room for other gods or forms of worship.  Your sister needs be only mildly interested in spiritual things to recognize the differences between the Bible and her occult practices.  The fact that she is amused by your discomfort makes it clear that she is not interested in discussing the topic with you.  Unfortunately, the only option you have is to back off and “not throw your pearls before swine” (Matt 7:6).  Maybe someday she will change her attitude and be more receptive to God’s Word.  Until then, be cordial but as distant as you need to be to feel that you are keeping “good company” (1 Cor 15:33).