When family members have passed, can they hear us or see us from heaven?  Do they remember us?

Sincerely,
Still Here

Dear Still Here,

Within Hades, there are two areas where people wait for the final judgment. All of the faithful who die wait in the good part of Hades called ‘Paradise’ (2 Cor 12:4, Lk 23:43). All of the wicked who die wait in a part of Hades known only as ‘torments’ (Lk 16:23). We cannot say with entire certainty whether people can look down on the affairs of Earth while in Hades, but the story of the rich man and Lazarus implies that they can’t. When the rich man died, he was in the ‘torments’ of Hades. He then began to inquire about his brothers in a way that leads us to believe he couldn’t see what was going on in their lives (Lk 16:27-31).  However, the rich man remembered remembered his brothers, even though he couldn’t see what they were doing.

     I understand the reasons and the potential good that can come from suffering, but why does God allow some to suffer more than others? Though none are completely innocent, there are many in the world who seem to suffer unfairly and undeservedly.

Sincerely,
Why Them?

Dear Why Them,

Some people suffer greatly, and others face relatively few problems.  There are several reasons that someone might have a greater portion of trials.

1. We reap what we sow (Gal 6:7-8).  The choices we make have consequences in this life – and in the next.  What you do affects you and those around you that you come in contact with.  When you behave godly, certain things happen; when you behave sinfully, other things happen.  That is a universal principle of life.  If a woman drinks while she is pregnant or a child is neglected and malnourished because of ungodly parents – they will suffer the consequences of the choices their parents make.  Some children face health issues that were totally avoidable if the parents had simply lived moral lives.  Satan is sowing disaster wherever he can and we are all affected by our own choices and the choices of others around us.
2. Sometimes bad things simply happen because they happen.  Job suffered greatly, and his children died, but it wasn’t his (or their) fault.  Job hadn’t done anything wrong, nor had his kids.  It all happened because Satan wanted to do evil (Job 1:6).  As long as we live in this world of sin, there will be troubles.  Sometimes, there isn’t anyone at fault… just time and chance wreaking havoc in a sinful world (Eccl 9:11).
3. Sometimes people suffer so that God can be glorified.  Jesus’ disciples asked Him why a certain man had been born blind, and Jesus answered, “So that God’s works might be revealed in him.” (Jhn 9:1-3)  This man’s ailment provided an opportunity for God to show His glory.  There are times that we suffer, so God can teach us and teach others through our pain (Eccl 7:2-3).

This world isn’t fair – if it were, it would be heaven.  Instead, we live in a fallen world where man has been exiled from paradise.  This world is not our home; christians await a better world (Heb 11:16).

     If a man has been christian for many years and starts to miss services for many months, should he be called on to say a pray when he comes to services for the first time and has not asked to be back in fellowship with the local church?  How should the elders approach him on this matter?

Sincerely,
Perplexed From The Pew

Dear Perplexed From The Pew,

The elders should approach him with wisdom – and not approaching him might be the wise thing to do as well.  The Bible tells us to be wise as serpents and harmless as doves (Matt 10:16).  When someone is struggling in their attendance, the elders, as watchers of the flock (Heb 13:17), have a responsibility to help them.  (Having said that, all christians have a responsibility to pull alongside those who are struggling – it is just that the elders have an increased responsibility).  How the elders deal with that person is completely a matter of wisdom, and it will vary from situation to situation.  For all you know, the elders already approached this man and have dealt with him privately – that certainly would be a biblical approach (Matt 18:15-17).  The best thing to do is to either talk to this man yourself if you are worried about him, or if you are simply worried about the image of the church… talk to the elders.

     I read so much about prayer, how to pray so that God hears you, how not to pray, what is right, what is wrong... I am so confused.  I am a christian and believe in God with all my heart.  Being European, I have a hard time getting into American churches and do not feel comfortable.  I’d rather read my Bible at home and pray in the solitude of my home.  I have been praying for so many years and cannot seem to get an answer.  It seems that my heart and soul doubt my own faith, and I am scared.  I prayed to God to lead the way, help me how to pray, and wish nothing more than to be happy again after many betrayals.  How can I pray right?  Is it not enough that my heart speaks to God, and He knows my pain?  I am in that storm, and I am sad almost every day.  I am blessed with two wonderful children and two grandchildren, but still I feel that I do not belong on this earth and slowly am losing my will to love.  Where is a chapter in the Bible that gives me hope?

Sincerely,
Dwindling Away

Dear Dwindling Away,

Sometimes the things we are most uncomfortable doing are the very things that are missing in our lives.  Nobody likes to get shots, but that needle is delivering needed medicine to the body.  You are comfortable praying, you are comfortable reading your Bible, but you say that you are uncomfortable going to church services.  You are losing your will to love… and God says that assembling with the saints is what provokes our love (Heb 10:24-25).  You feel alone, and it is the church that God uses to surround us and make us feel a part of something bigger than ourselves (Eph 4:16).  You feel like you don’t belong, and God says the church is what makes us part of a family (Eph 2:19).  God has already answered your prayer by showing you in His Word what will make you whole – join a faithful church.  Let us help you find a congregation in your area that will help you become the christian the Lord intends for you to be.  E-mail us at askyourpreacher@mvchurchofchrist.org, and we will be happy to help you meet with other people who love the Lord just like you do.

     I am a fifty-two-year-old christian mother.  My thirty-four-year-old son is dying of ALS.  I am furious with God right now… not only that my son is dying, but how horribly devastating this disease is.  He is married with three children.  Please, without the usual christian rhetoric that we all preach, please explain to me WHY God who loves us lets horrible things happen – not only to my son, but others.  Are we just rats in a cage to Him for His amusement?  Is He loving, or is that just a myth?  Are He, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit one?  I think no.  I think Jesus represents love, and I think God represents power, control, wrath, and arrogance.  Please help me to understand.

Sincerely,
Angry Mother

Dear Angry Mother,

Life here on this planet is full of heartaches, and we here at AYP cannot imagine how devastated you are right now.  This world is full of all sorts of disease, pain, violence, and strife – but God didn’t cause those things, sin did.  All bad things are a result of sin.  When God made the world, He placed mankind in the Garden of Eden and gave us a joyously blissful existence in that paradise.  Who caused the pain?  We did.  It is sin that has brought all of the death, disease, decay, pain, suffering, troubles, and heartaches into our world.  We all, in varying degrees, are reaping the benefits of a world with sin in it.  Sickness is a consequence of Adam and Eve’s sin in the Garden of Eden.  One of the curses of their sin was that we all must face our own mortality – life is finite.  Sickness, disease, and pain are a part of the human existence.  Sadly, this is true even for our children. When God gave us freewill, He gave us the right to cause problems for ourselves and others, and if He simply removed all the consequences for our actions, He would be removing our freedoms as well.

Sometimes bad things simply happen because they happen.  Job suffered greatly, and his children died, but it wasn’t his (or their) fault.  Job hadn’t done anything wrong, nor had his kids.  It all happened because Satan wanted to do evil (Job 1:6).  As long as we live in this world of sin, there will be troubles.  Sometimes, there isn’t anyone at fault… just time and chance wreaking havoc in a sinful world (Eccl 9:11).

Regardless of the reasons, your son’s illness is devastating to you – and rightfully so.  You have every right to be hurt, but don’t let that hurt cause you to turn your back on God who wants to save us all from this sinful world.  After all, God gave His Son’s life for us – He knows how painful this is for you and knows exactly how to give you comfort through this dark hour.