I was wondering, do the people that hurt you, lie to you, cheat on you ever hurt themselves?  I was in a relationship, and I really loved this person, and he really hurt me.  He played on my emotions and just destroyed my hope of falling in love again.  Thank you.

Sincerely,
Hurt To The Heart

Dear Hurt To The Heart,

Your situation, though vague, provides a real-life example of how sin hurts others.  When we live ungodly lives, we harm those around us.  One sinner will destroy much good (Eccl 9:18), but will that sinner suffer for their wrongdoing?

The answer is ‘yes’.  God tells us that we reap what we sow (Gal 6:7-8).  When we live selfish lives, we suffer the bitterness of those lifestyles.  God is not mocked, and vengeance belongs to Him (Rom 12:19).  Evil people will suffer eternally for their choices (Lk 16:25).  When we live sinful lives, we hurt no one more than ourselves.

I was saved, baptized, and had accepted Jesus Christ as my lord and savior when I was about twelve or thirteen.  I have been addicted to porn and all kinds of sexual sins and impure thoughts.  I have been praying a lot and asking God for forgiveness of my sins and to cleanse me of my sins.  I am terrified I have lost my salvation and that I’m going to hell.  I have been reading the Bible a lot.  Please help me.

Sincerely,
Off The Path

Dear Off The Path,

You can be forgiven of all sin, no matter how lurid, if you repent.  David is a great example of this.  David slept with a married woman, killed her husband, and lied to cover it all up (2 Sam 11:2-4).  However, David eventually repented and was forgiven (2 Sam 12:13).  The key is that David changed the direction of his life.  David made a distinct effort to overcome his sin and live faithfully.  You must do the same.

At this point, you are probably thinking, “But I have made a distinct effort!  I have tried to live faithfully…”  We understand that you are trying.  We here at AYP want you to succeed.  The problem with sexual sins, pornography especially, is that they are addictive in nature.  Many sins have addictive qualities, but sexual sins are especially noted for being that way.  Chapter five of Proverbs highlights the enticing and alluring nature of the immoral woman and immoral sex.  Pr 5:3-4 points out that this type of sin is enticing, but it always ends with bitterness.  You are tasting that bitterness now.

Your only solution is to flee sin (1 Cor 6:18).  Take whatever steps are necessary to remove yourself from situations that might lead to fornication.  Get rid of your computer or internet connection (if you really need to use the internet, you can always go to the library – a very public access point).  Install ‘accountability software’ like CovenantEyes – which will send a copy of all your internet activity to a trusted friend or advisor.  Make specific plans to ATTACK this sin.  Get help.  Let other trusted individuals know about your problem (Eccl 4:9-10).  Admitting your faults is painful, but this is absolutely worth the sacrifice if it will save your soul – and it will (Matt 5:29-30).  Do not walk away from this sin.  RUN!

I'm taking care of my 93-year-old mother.  This morning she did not feel up to going to church.  I've had back surgery and often have to take medicine at night; I don't want to get behind the wheel.  We drive twenty miles to services.  Is it okay if we study together on Sunday and have the Lord’s Supper?

 

Sincerely,
Home Bound

Dear Home Bound,

The Scriptures are clear that we should not forsake the assembly of christians (Heb 10:24-25), but if you are unable to leave your house, you are unable to leave your house.  There are always individual cases with extenuating circumstances that don’t conform to the standard rule.  The average person is able to get out and attend services, but if you are sick, socked-in by a blizzard, in the military, etc. – then your situation isn’t average.  God only holds us accountable for what we are able to do (2 Cor 8:12).  If you are ready and prepared to attend services as normal, but health problems don’t permit you to fulfill the desires of your heart, God understands.  The key is that you aren’t making empty excuses or rationalizations to avoid going to services.  As long as your reason for missing is legitimate (and your case certainly sounds that way), you can in clear conscience know that you did your best.

By all means, stay home and care for your elderly mother.  When you can make it to services, do so… but don’t feel bad when your or her health prevents you.  There is no need to take the Lord’s Supper when you can’t attend services.  The Lord’s Supper is taken by the church when they assemble together (1 Cor 11:20-21).  It is an act of the group to partake together in unity, not individually (1 Cor 11:33).  Because you are unable to leave your home to be with the church, it is not a sin for you to not take the Lord’s Supper.

I've had trouble in my past with the law.  I'm sorry for what I did and have changed.  Why do I still have to deal with all this?  Is there something obvious I can do or something to show people that I'm not the same?  I've tried wearing long sleeves to cover up my tattoos and wearing a cross, and all that didn't work.  Is there, like, a saying or something that I can say?  Or something else I can wear?

 

Sincerely,
Reformed Citizen

Dear Reformed Citizen,

There are two areas of our life that our sins effect – the spiritual part of our life and the physical part of our life.  When you are baptized, the spiritual consequences for your sins are removed.  Our sins bring spiritual death (Rom 6:23), and baptism brings a new life in Christ (Rom 6:3-4).  The spiritual consequences for our sins are the most important because they are eternal consequences.  Even if all of mankind hates us, if God loves us, we are safe (Matt 10:28).  Forgiveness of your sins does not remove the physical consequences though – just the spiritual ones.

God tells us that we “reap what we sow” (Gal 6:7).  The physical consequences of our sins will be with us our entire life.  If we lose our temper and strike someone, then we must deal with the effects of that choice… even if God forgives us.  If I am an unfaithful steward and spend all the money God gives me on worthless things, God’s forgiveness will not miraculously remove my poverty.  God wants us to learn the lessons from our sins, and He disciplines us when we are disobedient (Heb 12:9-10).  There is no magic pill, incantation, or jewelry that will remove the consequences of your choices in this life.  All you can do is begin to humbly serve God (Mic 6:8).  As you make better choices – over time – you will find that people begin to treat you differently.  Let your humble, repentant, and gentle spirit shine through.  You know that you are a different person; in time everyone else will, too.

My question is what happens when the answer you were expecting doesn't come to pass?  I know the heavenly Father is beyond time, but my circumstances and I are not, and time has run out.  I am in danger of losing my job, I won’t be able to attend school this semester...again, and I don't have any money to pay my rent.  I know there are people in far worse situations, but if God would put me in a position to help others, I would.  Why was life designed this way?  Why do we have to go through misery?  If a person makes up his/her mind to serve God and be on the side of righteousness, why should we have to continue to go through the heartache and evil of this world?  Everything has finally come to a head, and, like I said, I am in a state of despair.  I don't know how much longer I can endure this life.  I want to thank you for taking the time to set up a website like this for people who seek answers.  Thank you in advance, sir.

 

Sincerely,
Suffering Servant

Dear Suffering Servant,

If becoming a christian instantly removed all of life’s problems, everyone would obey the gospel for that reason alone.  Solomon said it best, “All this have I seen in my days of vanity: there is a righteous man that perishes in his righteousness, and there is a wicked man that prolongs his life in his evil-doing.”

(Eccl 7:15).  This life doesn’t always favor the godly.  Sometimes, the bad guy does finish first, yet Solomon also said that “it shall be well with them that fear God” (Eccl 8:12) and “it shall not be well with the wicked” (Eccl 8:13).

Many times people suffer for being christians; the apostle Paul said it was mandatory that christians go through trials (Acts 14:22).  In fact, Paul said that we should rejoice in tribulation because trials bring the best out of God’s people, making us stronger; trials strengthen our hope and trust in God (Rom 5:3-5).  Like the sun softens butter and hardens clay, trials soften humble hearts and harden selfish souls.  Christianity is about relinquishing control of our lives and trusting in the Lord (Pr 3:5).  Our hearts go out to you as you suffer through various trials of no small degree – suffering is never pleasant.  Yet, you can know that the Lord will care for His people (Ps 37:25), and there is much to learn from the trials this life brings (Heb 12:11).