I have been going through a lot lately, and for the most part, it’s my fault.  I recently lost my job, and I had to move out of my apartment into a cheaper one (which I still don’t know how I’m going to pay for because I still haven’t found another job).  I’m starting to feel depressed and lonely; the sad part is that I still haven’t even told my family about the job loss.  I really don’t want anyone judging me.  I have two questions I would like to ask.  First question: does God forgive you for making the same mistake over and over again even when you know it’s wrong?  I know that I shouldn’t do certain things, but I do anyway; that’s what gets me into trouble.  Second question: I feel really horrible about the things I have done, and I just don’t know what to do with myself; am I supposed to feel this way?  I just want to start fresh and make things right with God, so I may live a happy and blessed life.

Sincerely,
Want A Do-Over

Dear Want A Do-Over,

There are two pieces to the puzzle of repetitive sins:

1. How many times can I ask for forgiveness for the same sin?
2. How do I remove this sin from my life, so I can start living without guilt, fear, and pain?

The answer to the first part is simple. You can ask for forgiveness an innumerable amount of times. Christ told Peter that we should forgive ‘seventy times seven’ (Matt 18:21-22). Paul was forgiven of his sins even after killing christians and actively persecuting the church (1 Tim 1:16). As often as we truly repent, God is ready to forgive (Lk 17:4). It is quite possible to truly repent of something and then find yourself doing that same thing not minutes later. It happens in arguments all the time! You say something mean, apologize, then find yourself upset again, and again use rash words. The repeating of the cycle is not necessarily an indication of false sorrow.

However, the second part of your question deals with stopping this cycle. God will forgive you for stumbling again into the same sin, but only if you are truly attempting to change your mind. Paul reminds us that we are to do everything we can to flee from the slavery to sin (Rom 6:1-2, Rom 6:12-13). Without knowing what sin you are caught up in, I can’t give specific advice, but I recommend getting help if it is as consuming as you say. Many sins can become addictions that are very hard to break. Here are some things to consider:

1. Are you trying to change all on your own? God says two are stronger than one (Eccl 4:9-10). In the case of sin like pornography, many people try and struggle through it alone without seeking help because of the shame involved in it becoming known. This rarely, if ever, works. Telling someone, even just one trusted friend, and using things like Covenant Eyes accountability software can make all the difference in such circumstances.
2. Are you putting yourself in compromising situations? People with drug and alcohol addictions are often tempted back into their old habits by drinking buddies or parties where drugs are made available. You may need to cut off certain people and habits from your life in order to escape that sort of sin. Remember, Christ said it would be better to remove even your own hand if it would free you from a sin (Matt 5:30).

Removing sin from our lives is a constant struggle. God is ready to forgive you ‘seventy times seven’ as you fight to defeat sin, but you must look yourself in the mirror and make sure you are taking the steps necessary to change your life.

I had asked you a few months ago, basically, how many times someone can ask for forgiveness.

Well, now I am asking you a different question.

I got diagnosed this year with cancer.  They also think there might be a tumor in my brain (which they are currently diagnosing).  Sometimes, when I allow myself to feel, I feel like I can't seem to keep things together.  I am at a loss.  I am not scared to die, but I am scared of dying without completing my purpose.  I am so scared of dying without feeling like I helped others or have done something with my life.

On one side, I am grateful to have a timeline and to have time to somehow do the most I can with it.  On the other side, I am still going through the processes of grief (denial, anger, depression, etc.).  Some days it seems like I'm fine, and other days I just want to break down and cry.

I am so grateful for the time to appreciate my loved ones and life and very, very appreciative of the time to further my spiritual belief… while at other times, I feel lost.  I feel completely alone.  I cannot burden those around me with my thoughts and feelings.  The only thing that's kept me alive through all my suffering has been the thought that I had this great purpose, this life-changing purpose.  And to be told that I will die soon, I feel as though I fooled myself.  I never achieved anything, only failed.  I feel like a complete failure.  I know God hasn't deserted me, but yet, I feel like I have failed.  I have failed in everything, and now I am dying.  It's my worst fear, to die without a purpose.  Please help me.  I have no one else.  Thank you.

Sincerely,
Near The End

Dear Near The End,

The apostle Paul once said that God sets the seasons of our lives and the boundaries of our habitation on this planet (Acts 17:26).  Life is finite for all of us, but when we read of struggles like yours, it makes that knowledge fresh again.  Thank you for having the courage to share your heartache and struggles with us.

Nobody is perfect, and it isn’t fair to measure your life by your failures… that isn’t how God does it.  Jesus was impressed by great faith, not perfect faith (Lk 7:9).  Jesus marveled at the humility of the woman that had the courage to reach out for help (Matt 15:25-28)… it wasn’t her perfect life; it was her humble plea for help that caught His attention.

Your purpose in life may not be what you thought it was, but God has a way of using us to do His work in the most unexpected ways (Esther is a good example of this – Esther 4:14).  This sickness may allow you to learn things and touch lives in ways you never imagined… you’ve certainly touched ours.  Be faithful, and the Lord will use you.  A life lived for the Lord, no matter how long, is never wasted.  You are in our thoughts and prayers.

Dear Readers,

Several days ago, we received a question that broke our hearts.  The individual asked for anonymity and to not reveal the details of their situation.  We wish to honor this person’s request, but we also believe their plight is faced by many of today’s youth.  This individual is so disheartened by their physical appearance and the bullying and ridicule they have received because they aren’t “pretty/handsome” that they are considering ending their own life.  With today’s culture of air-brushed models, plastic surgery, and Botox… is it any wonder that body image issues are so common and vicious in today’s youth?  With this issue in mind, we are posting our response to this suffering soul in the hope that others who are silently struggling may have a Bible answer to comfort their hearts through the awkward years.

Sincerely,
The AYP Team

Dear Hurting One,

Let us begin by saying that each heart has its own sorrow, and we will not pretend to know exactly how you feel – only you and the Lord know the depths of your pain (Pr 14:10).  Our hearts go out to you as you deal with the greatness of your bitterness and pain.  If we may, we would like to offer you a few verses to consider...

The apostle Paul had a physical infirmity that made him grotesque and despised by many (Gal 4:13-14).  Paul prayed and prayed for God to remove this illness (he called it his "thorn in the flesh" - 2 Cor 8:7), and God's answer was 'no' (2 Cor 12:8).  God told Paul that His grace was sufficient and that Paul would learn to be a better man because of his weakness (2 Cor 12:9).  In fact, Paul said that the things that God had for him to do in this life were so great that the thorn in the flesh kept him from becoming arrogant (2 Cor 12:7).

Have you ever considered that your physical appearance is a blessing disguised as a curse – that is what Paul found.  Because Paul wasn't “beautiful”, his character had a chance to shine brighter, and his message of salvation had opportunity to reach those who wanted the truth... not just those looking to listen to the next pretty face.  Even Jesus is described as being someone of unremarkable appearance (Isa 53:2).  Those who heard Jesus loved Him (Jhn 7:46), but His looks never converted a single soul.  We say all this to tell you that physical beauty isn't as important as you think – and it isn't important to God.  God treasures the inner character and beauty of a godly soul (1 Pet 3:3-4).  It is the hidden man that God desires to shine forth.

Nothing we have said removes your suffering, but it may give meaning to it.  All of us age, and our bodies decay, but it is our inward man that matters (2 Cor 4:16).  Every life is precious, including yours.  You are capable of great things if you are willing to have faith that your life is more than your looks.  If you end your life because of your physical appearance, the devil will have won and defeated another soul with his deceptive lies.  Be different and let your inward man shine forth.

I love my church, but there are things that have been brought to my attention that deal with young men sagging their pants. I feel the issue is important; we do need to be respectful to the women in the church and, most importantly, to God. These young men and I on occasion sag our pants; does that make me any more or less saved than the rest of the congregation? I understand there are guidelines, and I can’t go and do whatever I want, but whether I wear jeans to church or a suit, isn’t Jesus going to love me the same? It seems to me we can get too caught up on the outward appearances and miss God. Is all this judging good for the church as a whole? I think God will accept my baggy jeans and all, what about you, preacher?

Sincerely, How Low Can You Go

Dear How Low Can You Go,

The issue isn’t about dress code - but modesty. It is one thing to dress more casually or formally than others; it is another to show your underwear in public. Men sagging their pants are just as bad as women wearing low cut and revealing clothing. God tells us to dress modestly (1 Tim 2:9). It is shameful for a christian to not be fully clothed (Rev 3:18). It is important that we dress in a way that is honorable in the sight of all men (Rom 12:17). The way we dress is part of our reputation, and therefore we must be careful what message it sends. My kudos to you for caring. Hike up the pants.