My wife and I raised two wonderful God-fearing children who both married christian spouses.  My son, after several years of marriage and three small children, began to "cheat" on his wife and lie to us.  She divorced him on grounds of adultery and the church withdrew fellowship as he was unrepentant.  This was very painful for his mother and me to endure, especially as our unbelieving families could not understand the church’s (and our) take on discipline of the ungodly.  My son now wants to "normalize" relations with me as his father (which I desire as well), but continues to live in sin and proclaim his hatred for Christianity.  I have seen many christian parents ignore the instruction to withdraw from the ungodly when it is their adult-child being disciplined.  My son does not want me to compromise my faith, but wants me to accept his lifestyle and renew our father-son relationship.  What should I do?

 

Sincerely,
Hurting Father

Dear Hurting Father,

It appears that you have answered your own question at the end of your letter. We will point that out later, but first we will give some Bible teachings that might help you make the right decision.  Your letter explains a very difficult dilemma that some Christians have to face because we are commanded to “withdraw from” (2 Thess 3:6, 1 Cor 5:1-13) and “have no company with” an ungodly christian.  We are to do this for the sinner’s own good, hoping it will bring shame on them and they will repent (2 Thess 3:14). This, then, is really a loving thing to do even though it is a hurtful and sorrowful act for all people involved.  As we look at the other side of the coin, we have teachings concerning family relationships that do not apply when you deal with a non-family member.  We are to care for our own family (1 Tim 5:8).  Children are to honor their parents (Eph 6:2, Matt 15:4).  These are relevant passages when a parent is dealing with a young, ungodly child.  However, the passages do not seem to apply to you since you are the parent and since your son is no longer dependent on your care.

Now, back to your own comments. Here are some things we notice in your personal analysis of the problem that we think are significant.  You say your son is not interested in repentance but continues to live in sin and proclaim his hatred for Christianity.  You said he only wants to "normalize" relations with you as his father.  In other words, there is no sorrow or repentance involved – which is the very purpose of any “withdrawal” action.

You also expressed your true feelings when you said, “I have seen many Christian parents ignore instruction to withdraw from the ungodly when it is their adult-child being disciplined.”  Your statement shows that you believe you did what was right; therefore it would involve a conscience problem if you decide to do exactly the opposite (Rom. 14:22-23).  If you violate your conscience, you know that you are sinning.  Your last sentence is also very revealing and shows there will be a conscience problem.  You said, “My son does not want me to compromise my faith but wants me to accept his lifestyle.”  First, this is an impossibility, and second, it shows that you would be compromising your faith if you did so.

This is a painful situation, and we here at AYP express our sympathy for you and pray that you will make the right decision as you consider the Scriptures and your conscience on this matter.

My wife and I are struggling to make a difficult decision about our church.  Our pastor preached a series of messages about how the Lord speaks to us.  Each week, he talked about God's message to us through nature, literature, trials, situations, etc.  The particular week that has us concerned is the week he talked about how God speaks to us through movies and media.  At the end of the sermon, he showed a couple of clips from movies that had moved him in his life.  Schindler's List was one, and there were a few others.  My wife and I had never seen Schindler's List, so we rented it and were very disturbed by the fact that there was nudity in it.  (We braced ourselves for the horrific acts against the Jewish nation).  So, is there a place for a movie clip from a rated ‘R’ movie from the pulpit?  The movie clip was fitting for what the sermon dealt with, but if he'd seen the entire movie in order to see the final few minutes, he had to have known about the nudity.  I just don't think it's appropriate, no matter how moving the final scene is.  Please shed some light on this matter.  How do we approach our pastor?  We love our church and our family, but we feel so conflicted about this.  We don't want to leave, but we don't want to be attending a church that thinks being "culturally relevant" means showing rated ‘R’ movie clips.

 

Sincerely,
Rated ‘P’ for Pure

Dear Rated ‘P’ for Pure,

There is some debate to be had over seeing a ‘R’ rated movie that is rated that way for violence… but nudity is an entirely different matter.  At the very least, christians should be very, very cautious about viewing anything rated ‘R’.  According to the MPAA, a ‘R’ rating on a movie is received for one (or a combination) of five things:

1. Adult themes and activities.  This is a generic listing, but it is fair to say that this content almost always involves subject matter that is inappropriate for anyone with morals.  ‘Adult themes’ is almost always synonymous with ‘sinful behavior’.
2. Hard language
3. Intense or persistent violence
4. Sexually-oriented nudity
5. Drug Abuse

When a christian looks at that list (and at least one of those things MUST be present to receive an ‘R’ rating), it should explain why ‘R’ rated movies can be such a bad thing.  Christians are to dwell upon things that are pure, wholesome, good, and holy – not worldly filth (Php 4:8).  When we dwell upon evil things, like what is found in ‘R’ rated movies, we set ourselves up for spiritual failure and death.  Jesus Christ wasn’t “culturally relevant” in the sense of being like others.  Jesus abhorred worldliness.  The Bible tells us to flee immorality and instead to live soberly and righteously in this present world (Tit 2:12).

The Lord’s church is supposed to uphold the truth (1 Tim 3:15).  It does sound like the congregation you are a part of no longer takes that seriously.  The Lord speaks to us through His Word, not Hollywood.  The Bible is how He reminds us how to live faithfully (2 Pet 3:1).  The Bible is how He teaches us how to avoid sin (1 Jn 2:1).  The Bible is how He shows us how to make our joy full (1 Jn 1:4).  Anything that the world around us shows can only point to God, so that we are without excuse (Rom 1:20).  Salvation and life can only be found in His Word (Rom 1:16).  If a congregation fails to put God’s Word on a platform far above the teachings of the world… then a faithful person must go elsewhere.  See our posts “Finding The Church” and “Preacher Interrogation” for more details on the subject.  We would also be happy to assist you in finding a faithful congregation in your area; simply e-mail us at askyourpreacher@mvchurchofchrist.org.

The elders at the church I go to are on my case.  I don't think my family needs to go to church all day on Sunday.  God says I'm in charge of my own family.  What verse can I use to remind them that it's my right to decide?

 

Sincerely,
Head Of My House

Dear Head Of My House,

If it is a question of what is your right – just explain to them that you have freewill like every human since Adam and Eve, and nobody can make you do anything you don’t want to do.  However, I think your real question is if there are any verses that explain that your family doesn’t need to go to services all day on Sunday.  That is a slightly different question.

Every congregation must decide for itself how often and how long it will meet.  This is an issue of expediency and wisdom.  Some congregations may choose to meet only once on a Sunday; others may choose to meet twice… or even more!  The Bible does not give any specific guidelines.  It does, however, provide some principles that must be contemplated by every individual and every congregation.

1. Sunday is “The Lord’s Day” (Rev 1:10).  Though there is some debate over what the apostle John meant by using the term ‘the Lord’s Day’, most commentators (including some of the earliest church writers) agree that the term ‘the Lord’s Day’ refers to ‘Sunday’.  Sunday is intended to be a day dedicated and set aside by christians for the worship and service of God.  If we only meet for 45 to 60 minutes in the morning, can we fairly say that we treated the whole day as belonging to the Lord?
2. The Old Testament Sabbath example.  We no longer have the Sabbath in the New Testament (no matter what the Seventh Day Adventists say).  However, the Sabbath does teach a principle.  God, in His infinite wisdom, thought it was important for the Jews to set aside one entire day every week to rest, reflect, and worship God.  Even though we are not bound by the Sabbath laws, that practice was given to us as an example to teach us something about the spiritual needs of mankind (1 Cor 10:11).  How much of our time are we setting aside for the pure and undistracted worship of God?
3. The assembly and worship service is not merely a duty; it is an essential tool God has given us to protect our souls.  When christians forsake the assembly, they are headed down a path that leads to destruction (Heb 10:25-27).  When we assemble together on a regular basis, we provoke one another to love and good works (Heb 10:24).  When christians come together to sing songs to God, they admonish each other as a side-effect (Col 3:16).  The church doesn’t just need you; you need the church.

When the elders of a congregation set the meeting times, they should be considering these principles for the health of the congregation.  There is no hard and fast rule for how much time to set aside, but it is important to consider whether we are devoting enough time to worshipping God.  In general, we here at AYP err on the side of liberality.  We would rather hear, “You worshipped more than was needed” than “You didn’t worship enough” on the Day of Judgment.

Does it say anything in the Bible about what clothes to wear to church?  My boyfriend refuses to spend money right now on a suit, and I don't even own a dress, but our clothes are decent and would be clean and pressed.  We enjoy your website and wondered what your thoughts are on this subject.  Thank You.

 

Sincerely,
Wearing Our Best

Dear Wearing Our Best,

Go to services and worship God.  There are only two Biblical teachings on what we should wear to services.

1. Dress modestly (1 Tim 2:9).  We should always dress modestly.  The word ‘modest’ means ‘appropriate’.  In your case, you are going to worship God and you are wearing the best clothes you have – that is appropriate.  If you had fine suits and fancy dresses and instead of wearing them you showed up in a t-shirt and holey jeans, it wouldn’t be appropriate, but you are trying your best to show God that you value Him and value the time you have to worship Him by wearing the best you own.  Your best is ALWAYS acceptable.
2. The second teaching is actually for everyone else.  God says that we shouldn’t be respecters of persons.  We shouldn’t treat the rich brother better than the poor brother (Jas 2:2-4).  As christians, we can’t afford to judge people by their wealth or lack of wealth.  If someone comes to services, tries their best to act and dress respectfully, and honestly is trying to seek God – they deserve our time and kindness.

So go to services this Sunday, and if you are trying to find a faithful church to attend, feel free to read “Finding A Church” and “Preacher Interrogation” to help you find God’s people in your area.  You can also contact us here at askyourpreacher@mvchurchofchrist.org, and we will do our best to help you find a faithful congregation.

Why are there so many churches on the earth today?  Shouldn’t we all be unified and agree on what Christ said we should do?

 

Sincerely,
Unity Matters

Dear Unity Matters,

There was only one church in the first century, and today there are well over 33,000 different denominations all professing to belong to Christ.  This is not only tragic, it’s wrong.  Christ died for one church, and He gave us one doctrine (Eph 4:4-6).  Christianity can only be preserved in the “unity of the Spirit” (Eph. 4:3).  This means that the only way we can have unity is to use the standard the Holy Spirit has given us – the Bible.

All the denominations have their own creed books, statements of faith, organizational structures, and opinions.  Christ’s church has none of those.  It has one book, the Bible, as its rule and standard for all behavior.  It is our guide for all things that pertain to life and godliness (2 Pet 1:3).  It is the book that was handed down once and for all to the saints (Jude 3).  We cannot have faith without hearing this Word (Rom 10:17), and we cannot please God without obeying its commandments (Jhn 15:14).

The Catholics trust their Vatican leadership, the Protestants reform a broken system, and the community churches pledge loyalty to their communities and social programs.  The only solution to the religious confusion is a radical step… restoration of Bible-only principles.  Let us go back to the Bible for everything that we do, and if we cannot find Bible authority for something… we must refuse to practice it.  A church that finds its roadmap and structure in the Bible alone is the real solution to the division that exists in the religious world.  When the Bible speaks, let us speak – and when it is silent, let us be silent.