I made a horrible decision when I was eighteen.  I had an abortion even though I knew with every bit of my being that it was wrong.  I was weak, and I made a decision that has sickened me ever since.  The Bible says God will forgive anything if you are truly remorseful, and I am saved and have been baptized, but I struggle with the notion that I do not, and probably will never, feel like I am truly forgiven.  Maybe it's the fact that I am so horrified by what I did that I know I deserve hell.  I'm assuming I will feel that way for the rest of my life and rightfully so.  I'm scared of God's wrath and of hell's fire so much that I have an irrational fear of dying and facing God only to be turned away.  I don't want to seem like I have no faith in God's boundless mercy, but can I ever forgive myself?  Should I even forgive myself?  I just would like your opinion; I am too close to my preacher to bring it up; I'm so ashamed.  Thank you.

Sincerely,
Tortured

Dear Tortured,

What you are asking is one of the most difficult things in life ­– forgiving yourself.  Like all things, God is better at forgiveness than we are.  Many people hold on to the guilt and shame of sin far too keenly – you are not alone in this struggle.  God tells us that there are several things to remember:

1. Even if your heart condemns you, God keeps His promises.  On the Judgment Day, we will be judged by God’s standards, not whether or not we feel worthy (1 Jn 3:20).
2. We can reassure our own hearts that we have been forgiven when we study and live by the truth of the Bible (1 Jn 3:18-20).  The more we immerse ourselves in God’s teachings, the quicker we begin to realize that forgiveness isn’t about being worthy… but about having faith in the mercy of God.
3. Another way to look at your problem is to remember that saying, “I can’t believe God will forgive me” is the same as saying, “I don’t believe that Jesus’ sacrifice was enough”.  That may sound harsh, but our forgiveness is based upon Jesus’ blood (Col 2:14).  It is an act of faith in Jesus to accept our own forgiveness.

All in all, self-forgiveness takes time… just like all areas of growth.

How do you know if you are getting a dream from God, and not just you or the devil?

Sincerely,
A Dreamer

Dear A Dreamer,

The days of dreams and visions have passed.  In the past, God spoke to various people through dreams, visions, and prophecy, but today He speaks to us through His Son, Jesus Christ (Heb 1:1-2).  Now that we have the complete and perfect Bible – there is no need for God to give people individual dreams or visions.  It is through the Word of God that we learn how to live faithfully (Rom 10:17).

We are sure that your dreams mean something, but they don’t mean anything supernatural or prophetic.  What you had was not a vision.  Prophets have visions, and there are no more prophets since we have the perfect and complete Word of God (1 Cor 13:8-10).  The human mind is a complex and wondrous thing (Ps 139:14).  It is perfectly normal for our minds to make mental connections as we pray, study, sleep, etc.  Those mental images aren’t visions; they are just your own thoughts as your mind meditates upon what you have said, read, or heard.

    What do I do when life is hard and I want to turn to God, but I don't really know how?

Sincerely,
Making Every Effort

Dear Making Every Effort,

Rom 12:1-2 says that we renew our minds when we begin to mold our lives to imitate our Lord.  The more we change our behavior to match the Bible, the more our mind begins to match our new lifestyle.  There is an old saying: “Fake it to make it”.  When we begin to act the way we ought, our minds and characters begin to match our new behavior.  Positive thinking begins with positive life choices.  Sometimes the greatest act of Christian faith is to endure through the pain of trials until you get to the other side (1 Cor 10:13).  Endurance is a Christian virtue (Jas 5:11).  Sometimes all you can do is simply put one foot in front of the other, keep God’s commands, and it will be counted as faith (Rom 10:17).

     How do we tell if we are ready to be killed for our faith in God and automatically know that we will go to heaven?

Sincerely,
Martyr In Training

Dear Martyr In Training,

Though some Christians are placed in a position where they are killed for their faith, God doesn't command all Christians to die for Him – instead, He tells us to be living sacrifices (Rom 12:1).  We need to live our lives in a way that is faithful until death... not faithfully seeking death (Rev 2:10).  We are even told to pray for a quiet life of godliness if at all possible (1 Tim 2:2).  If we must forfeit our lives for Christ, so be it.  But we don't go seeking violence.

     There are some things that I can't comprehend.  I'm having to watch my mom slowly die of cancer.  Why would a loving God put my family through this?  If God is so great and powerful, why won't He heal her?  She is the only parent my siblings and I have ever had.  Please help me to make sense of it all.

Sincerely,
Child In Distress

Dear Child In Distress,

Life here on this planet is full of heartaches, and we here at AYP cannot imagine how devastated you are right now.  This world is full of all sorts of disease, pain, violence, and strife – but God didn’t cause those things, sin did.  All bad things are a result of sin.  When God made the world, He placed mankind in the Garden of Eden and gave us a joyously blissful existence in that paradise.  Who caused the pain?  We did.  It is sin that has brought all of the death, disease, decay, pain, suffering, troubles, and heartaches into our world.  We all, in varying degrees, are reaping the benefits of a world with sin in it.  Sickness is a consequence of Adam and Eve’s sin in the Garden of Eden.  One of the curses of their sin was that we all must face our own mortality – life is finite.  Sickness, disease, and pain are a part of the human existence.  Sadly, this is true even for our children. When God gave us freewill, He gave us the right to cause problems for ourselves and others, and if He simply removed all the consequences for our actions, He would be removing our freedoms as well.

Sometimes bad things simply happen because they happen.  Job suffered greatly, and his children died, but it wasn’t his (or their) fault.  Job hadn’t done anything wrong, nor had his kids.  It all happened because Satan wanted to do evil (Job 1:6).  As long as we live in this world of sin, there will be troubles.  Sometimes, there isn’t anyone at fault… just time and chance wreaking havoc in a sinful world (Eccl 9:11).

Regardless of the reasons, your mother’s illness is devastating to you – and rightfully so.  You have every right to be hurt, but don’t let that hurt cause you to turn your back on God who wants to save us all from this sinful world.  After all, God gave His Son’s life for us – He knows how painful this is for you and knows exactly how to give you comfort through this dark hour.