Two years ago, I was divorced from an abusive marriage.  I have been dating a christian man for about a year and a half.  I'm forty-six; he is fifty-three.  About six months, into our relationship we became intimate.  We have been having sex now for about a year.  We are very committed to each other (not sure about marriage).  He introduced me to a wonderful church, and I have become "spirit filled".  Jesus is my Lord and Savior.  Recently, I went through a class called "Freedom in Christ".  I had to ask forgiveness for my sexual immorality and pledge to myself and Christ that I will remain pure until marriage.  My boyfriend is in Alaska for two months; when he returns, how do I approach this?  What if he wants to end our relationship?  I had no problem jumping into the sack with him before he left, and now when he comes back, I don’t know how to approach this with him.  Please help.

Sincerely,
Fresh Start

Dear Fresh Start,

If in doubt, be honest.  You’ve made a decision to put Christ first in your life and are hoping that your boyfriend will respect that.  If he does, then you know what kind of man he is and can move forward in a moral courtship.  If he doesn’t respect that, he isn’t the kind of man the Lord would want you to be yoked to (2 Cor 6:14).  The truth has a freeing effect upon our lives (Jhn 8:32).  Be honest, be forthright, and be firm.  No matter what happens – fleeing sexual immorality is the right decision (1 Cor 6:18).  May you continue your journey to serve the Lord and seek truth (Eph 4:15); we applaud you for taking this very important step.

I've lost my job and I have a family to take care of. What are God's promises about my financial situation?

Sincerely,
At A Loss

Dear At A Loss,

We are so sorry for what you are going through.  Here are some verses we have taken comfort in during times of great stress, loss, or financial difficulty:

• I have been young, and now am old; yet have I not seen the righteous forsaken, nor his seed begging bread. (Ps 37:25)
• And we know that to them that love God all things work together for good, even to them that are called according to his purpose. (Rom 8:28)
• Therefore do not be anxious, saying, What shall we eat? or What shall we drink? or What shall we wear? For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. (Matt 6:31-33)

God guarantees that He will care for His own.  All we need to do is remain faithful to Him through the waiting.

Should a Christian do everything possible to maintain life during a health crisis, or accept physical wasting as a blessing and prepare to meet God?

Sincerely,
The Tough Choices

Dear The Tough Choices,

The act of purposefully taking your own life is definitely wrong, but refusing to prolong a terminal illness is a much murkier area.  There is no doubt that suicide is sinful (read “Victim Was The Assailant” for further details), but when someone doesn’t accept surgery, chemotherapy, life-support, etc. – that isn’t suicide.  ‘Do not resuscitate’ orders, living wills, and other such decisions are a matter of wisdom and conscience.

God very clearly teaches that we should be people who value life.  It isn’t our right to presumptuously choose the moment of our death (Eccl 8:8).  Just because we are suffering isn’t necessarily a reason to stop fighting for life.  Suffering can be a very important part of our life here (Eccl 7:14).  The general rule should be to seek to preserve life – even our consciences tell us this.  It is called the “survival instinct”.

On the other hand, there comes a point when continuing to poke, prod, and prolong the life of a body that is obviously dying can offend our conscience as well.  This is where wisdom comes in.  God tells us to ask Him for wisdom (Jas 1:5) and to make conscientious decisions (1 Tim 3:9).  There is no magic answer to your question – only principles to follow in a very difficult time.

When is all the misery going to go away?

Sincerely,
In Anguish

Dear In Anguish,

When we get home.  Some questions that we receive here at AYP really do break our hearts – perhaps none more than this one.  Suffering is one of the most poignant experiences of human existence, and all the great men and women of the Bible faced it.  David said that his bed swam with tears many nights (Ps 6:6-7).  He also said that his sorrow was continually before him (Ps 38:17).  Isa 53:3 calls Jesus the “Man of Sorrows”.  Suffering is a constant reminder that this world is not our home and that our spirits will someday rise upward to meet our God (Eccl 3:19-21).  All of God’s faithful are strangers and pilgrims on this planet (Heb 11:13).

We cannot imagine what you are going through; you alone know your heart’s grief (Pr 14:10).  There is hope.  Trials can make us stronger if we reach out to the Lord (Rom 5:3-5).  If there is anything we can do, or if we can put you in contact with a faithful congregation that could buoy you up and prepare you for heaven, please e-mail us at askyourpreacher@mvchurchofchrist.org.

Is it a curse word when someone uses the words “By God” in a slang way?

Sincerely,
Word For Word

Dear Word For Word,

Using the Lord’s name in vain (Deu 5:11) is a matter of context and attitude.  God’s name is supposed to be treated with reverence (Heb 12:28).  Just like our earthly parents, our heavenly Father is deserving of respect (Heb 12:9).  We should only use His name when referring to something appropriate and when speaking with the utmost sincerity and seriousness.  God should be feared (Ps 111:10).  We are told to watch our lips and words (Ps 141:3).  Slang is typically used when we are speaking loosely and casually.  God’s name deserves more reverence than that.