Lately, I have been feeling like I have not been the best christian that I ought to be.  I try to be excited that I'm going to heaven and how blessed I am to know God and living how Christ would have me to, but sometimes I get so upset thinking about all those (including family) that won’t be there with me.  I try to always be positive, hoping that others may come to repentance, but for some, I know there is no chance they will follow Christ.  Why do I keep lingering on these thoughts?

Sincerely,
Disheartened

Dear Disheartened,

You are facing a normal and healthy part of the christian growth process.  It is a sign of compassion when that you look at those who are lost in this world, and it wrenches your heart.  It is okay to be hurt by the vastness of those who have chosen the wide path to destruction (Matt 7:13).  Jesus wept over His kinsman in Jerusalem that turned their back on the truth and rejected the gift of salvation (Lk 19:41-42).  When Paul thought about his lost fellow countryman, it grieved him deeply… so much so that he wished he could trade places with their souls, so they might be saved (Rom 9:1-3).  Paul’s heart’s desire was that his beloved kinsman would be saved (Rom 10:1-2), but he also knew that it was their choice, not his.  You are having the same emotions that Paul and Jesus dealt with – take it as a sign of spiritual maturity and growth.

The important thing to remember is that the greatest help you can be to the lost is to be that shining light and preserving salt that Christ exhorted us to become (Matt 5:13-15).  You can’t save everyone from their own choices, but, as Paul said, we try and live so that we can save some (Rom 11:13-14).

What should I do when people don't listen?

Sincerely,
Frustrated

Dear Frustrated,

When people won’t listen there are two options – stop talking or change your tactic.  Before giving up on someone, ask yourself the question, “Are my words seasoned with grace?”  God tells us that what we say must always be thoughtfully chosen (Col 4:6).  Having said that, sometimes people have simply hardened their hearts to God’s Word, and Jesus says in such cases to “not throw your pearl’s before swine” (Matt 7:6).

I need some advice, please.  In our congregation, we begin midweek Bible class by taking prayer requests; after which, a prayer is offered by one of the men.  I am becoming increasingly uncomfortable with some of the prayers that are being requested and offered.  Some of the members request prayers for family and friends who are unbelievers and experiencing issues such as surgeries, pregnancy complications, injuries, illness, financial difficulties, etc.  One member has asked several times that her mom, who has shown no interest whatsoever in coming to church, might find a job and for her sister whose baby was born premature to be able to deal with the stress and worry.  However, this is the second baby her sister has born out of wedlock with two different men.  She frequents the local bars and continues live with her boyfriend who fathered this most recent baby.  My question is: should we be offering prayers for unbelievers other than that they repent and turn from their sins?  I am really uncomfortable about the prayers being offered that ask God to heal, comfort, and "be with" these family members and friends who continue to live in sin.  Praying for the health of a baby or child is one thing, but praying for grown adults who give no indication they are interested in repenting and getting the sin out of their life...?  Privately, I pray that the trials these people are having will cause them to draw closer to God and change their lives.  But how do I handle this situation where public prayer is being offered?  Do I pray – or pretend to pray – with the group when I feel like we are praying for something displeasing to God?  As a single woman, I don't know how to go about expressing my concerns without coming off as being critical or unsubmissive to the men's leadership.  One complication is that several of the members requesting these prayers are young adults and recent converts.  However, some, including the men offering prayers, have been in the church for years and appear to be okay with it all.  Am I way off base, and if I'm not, how do I handle this?  Please help.

Sincerely,
Keeping My Head Down

Dear Keeping My Head Down,

Your concerns are valid, and praying for unbelievers is also valid.  The verses that will answer your concerns are 1 Tim 2:1-4.  Those four verses lay out God’s attitude toward praying for unbelievers.  First and foremost, we are told to pray for all men (1 Tim 2:1).  That is a very clear verse on the subject.  It is appropriate, necessary, and godly to pray for all human beings.  1 Tim 2:2 says that we are even to pray for politicians!  It may be a little tongue-in-cheek to say, but most folks don’t think much of the lifestyles and attitudes of politicians, and yet, we are told to pray for their well-being and success.  God is so adamant that prayers ought to be offered on behalf of all men that 1 Tim 2:3 specifically says, “This is good and acceptable in the sight of God our Savior”.  So take comfort, praying for unbelievers is the right thing to do, and you can comfortably join in the congregational prayers offered on their behalf.

Now, we also said that your concerns are valid – that is where 1 Tim 2:4 comes in.  1 Tim 2:4 points out that the ultimate goal is to save souls.  If everyone is blessed with creature comforts, but their souls are lost in the end – it was a waste (Matt 16:26).  Sometimes people need catastrophes to bring them closer to God, and sometimes people convert because they knew the church was praying for them, and that prayer was answered.  So how do we know who and what to pray for?!  One option is to only pray for the people that we feel are “worthy”… but that sure puts us in the position of being judge and jury, doesn’t it (Jas 4:10-12)?  The other option is to pray for all and always remember to have the attitude of “Lord willing”.  Jas 4:13-15 says that whatever we do, we should pray that the Lord’s will would come first.  It is good to pray for all people, but we should also always have the attitude that God’s will should supersede our own desires.  If at some point the congregation isn’t showing that attitude of humility in the congregational prayers, you will have a problem, but if we always remember that the goal is to save souls and the Lord knows best, it is a wonderful thing to pray for all men.

My boyfriend calls me ‘Satan’ sometimes when he is angry with me.  He also calls his mom ‘Lucifer’ because she has a mental condition and sometimes curses for no reason.  So he said she is Lucifer for acting that way.  I'm called Satan because I may say something that does not appeal to him, but I'm not cursing or name-calling.  We are both christians so… I'm confused that he feels it is acceptable in the eyes of God that it is okay to freely use the word Satan towards my character.  In the Bible, where can I find it that we should refrain from name-calling?

Thank you for your time.

Sincerely,
Disgruntled Girlfriend

Dear Disgruntled Girlfriend,

We feel pretty comfortable in saying that your boyfriend needs an attitude check – that is not the way to talk to people.  God tells us to make sure our speech is “seasoned with grace” (Col 4:6).  We are told to avoid all corrupt speech and to only say things that will edify the hearers (Eph 4:29).  The apostle Peter commanded us to “refrain our tongues from evil” and “speak without guile” (1 Pet 3:10).  Name-calling (especially referring to someone as the most evil being in existence!) is totally inappropriate.  There is only one reference in the Bible to calling someone Satan, and that is Mk 8:33 when Jesus rebuked Peter by saying, “Get behind Me, Satan”.  This was because Peter was commanding Jesus to not sacrifice Himself on the cross – a direct contradiction to God’s will (Mk 8:31-32).  If the Son of God only used the term in the most extreme circumstance… we should be vary wary of ever using that sort of strong language.

Is lying for your own safety still a sin?

Sincerely,
On The Defense

Dear On The Defense,

God hates lying (Pr 6:16-17), but you don’t have to tell everyone everything about your life.  Even Jesus ignored His brothers’ request to know His comings and goings on occasion (Jhn 7:8-10).  Jesus never lied (Tit 1:2, Heb 4:15), but He did deflect their question because what He did (or didn’t do) wasn’t any of their business.  In a life-or-death situation, you have every right to deflect someone from the truth in order to preserve life.

It is worth noting that good christians are of mixed opinions on this issue.  Some believe it would be perfectly appropriate to deceive or deflect because you would be protecting human life – preserving human life is of great importance (the Egyptian midwives of Ex 1:15-22 are often cited as an example of this)  Other christians believe that it would be better to die and go face God.  Both sides have good arguments, and in such extreme circumstances, each person would need to choose what they believed was the most faithful and godly option.