A man in the community who does pressure washing told me on three different occasions that he would pressure wash a deck for me.  He never did honor what he said.  Was this wrong of him?

Sincerely,
Pressured Out

Dear Pressured Out,

Yes, it was wrong of him, but what you do about it is a separate issue.  God says that we should let our “yes be yes” and our “no be no” (Matt 5:37).  If we say we are going to do something, we should do it.  That is one reason why it is so important that we are careful with what we say (Jas 3:2).

Now, we would be remiss if we didn’t point out that the Scriptures say something else entirely when someone has defrauded or lied to you.  God tells us to never take our own vengeance (Rom 12:19).  Jesus says that when someone defrauds us, we should turn the other cheek (Matt 5:38-41).  It is unfortunate that this man never came through with his promise.  At least it gives you an opportunity to be the bigger person.

(This question is a follow-up to “Blasphemous Preaching”)

Thank you so very much for the quick response.  I left church early tonight and felt very guilty even taking communion to my Holy Father because I had to excuse myself right after communion, so I could leave.  I just had to get out of there.  The Sunday night service was worse than the morning.  I am beginning to think that my pastor has serious mental problems, and I don't know what to do about it.  I am teaching Sunday school, and I am able to teach one hour of truth, and I am able to sing worship songs to God.  But the preaching is making my nerves shaky.  He either tells news stories that he gets from the internet that are so far fetched it's like something from the Globe or the Enquirer, or he reads history books, or he shows videos on a big screen.  This morning, when he said what he did about Jesus, it was about the worst!  But nobody seems to mind.  If they do, I don't hear it.  I am wanting to get away and seek the Lord for wisdom as to whether or not to quit the church, but I am certain that the Lord has called me to work for Him.  I just don't know what to do about this preacher.  I e-mailed him the Scripture that proves that Mary and Joseph were married before Jesus was born, but he won't say anything about it.  Would you please pray that God will show me what His plan is and what His will is?  I need to sing, and I love teaching Sunday school.  Thank you.

Sincerely,
Horrified

Dear Horrified,

We appreciate your dedication to your congregation and your righteous indignation over false teaching.  May we offer some thoughts on the issue?  You have written to us on numerous occasions because of the unscriptural things that are coming from your church’s pulpit.  You are trying to balance your desire to work for Christ and your desire to avoid false teaching.  Have you considered that by leaving and going somewhere faithful, you would be doing both?  God says that a faithful congregation should be “a pillar and ground of the truth” (1 Tim 3:15).  In your own words, the church you are currently a part of isn’t – and the membership doesn’t seem to care about changing that.  Your labors (which you intended to offer to the Lord) are being used to support false teaching and unscriptural practices.  Since it seems clear that the congregation is at peace with their preacher’s sermons and teachings… you are now in the vast minority and propping up a sinking ship.  Looking at the character and honesty your letters have conveyed – you simply aren’t with a like-minded group of people.  We know of faithful, biblically-sound churches all across America… churches you could feel comfortable in, grow from the teaching of, and use your zeal and energy to support.  Would you consider letting us recommend one to you?  If so, e-mail us at askyourpreacher@mvchurchofchrist.org.

What does the Bible say about premarital sex?

Sincerely,
Waiting

Dear Waiting,

It is always sinful for people to lay with one another outside of marriage (1 Cor 7:1-4).  Sex outside of marriage is called ‘fornication’ – it is sinful and will bring you into judgment.  Marriage is a sacred institution, and the marriage bed is to be held in honor and left undefiled (Heb 13:4).  Sexual morality is very important, and we are warned that fornication puts the soul in jeopardy (Rev 21:8).

Why does life stink?  I try to believe in God, but life is full of misery.  If God is all-knowing, why did He even create us to be so miserable?  I would have preferred to be like a robot and have all in common with everyone instead of such ups and down.  Sorry, but I am really feeling that God is just a superstition.

Sincerely,
Miserable

Dear Miserable,

This life can be miserable because of sin, not because of God. God does not desire anyone to suffer.  God made the world perfect, placed mankind in the Garden of Eden, and gave us a joyously blissful existence in that paradise.  Who caused the pain?  We did.  It is sin that has brought all of the death, disease, decay, pain, suffering, troubles, and heartaches into our world.  We all, in varying degrees, are reaping the benefits of a world with sin in it.

People suffer for various reasons:

1. Sometimes we suffer for our own sins (Gal 6:7-8)
2. Sometimes we suffer because of others’ choices (Like David’s sufferings at the hands of Saul – 1 Sam 20:1)
3. Sometimes we suffer in order to glorify God through our suffering and recovery (Like the blind man – Jhn 9:2-3)

No matter what, God tells us that we can rejoice in tribulations (Rom 5:3) because eventually, if we suffer faithfully, our tribulations produce indestructible hope… a hope that cannot be taken away from us.  God causes all things to work together for good for those who love Him (Rom 8:28).  God isn’t a superstition; He is a very real and faithful Lord.  We recommend reading the post “Does God Exist?” for some of the evidence that proves God’s existence.

What can a physically abusive man do to stop his ways?  He loves Christ, but he gets mad and flips out; then he repents over and over.

Sincerely,
Hoping To Help Him

Dear Hoping To Help Him,

He can stop his ways whenever it is important to him.  Contrary to what he says, this abusive man isn’t out of control – he can stop being abusive whenever he wants to.  In fact, abusive spouses are in complete control of their behavior.  Saying they “lose control” is just an excuse to continue sinful behavior.  Consider that:

1. Abusers pick and choose whom they want to abuse.  Abusers don’t assault or threaten everyone in their lives, only the ones they claim to love and care about.  Abusers have enough self-control to safely interact with employers, grocery clerks, and a thousand other people.
2. Abusers carefully choose when and where to abuse.  Abusive spouses act appropriately in public but unleash their rage in private.  They have enough self-control to hide their behavior from society.
3. Abusers are able to stop when it benefits them (for example: when the police show up, their boss calls, etc.).
4. Worst of all, the most violent of domestic abusers are able to show enough control to aim their blows where they will be hidden from the public.  Many physically abusive adults specifically pick to leave marks only in places that won’t show.

In short, domestic violence isn’t uncontrollable – it is a choice.  All sin is something we have a say in, and it is our decision whether or not to let it be our master (Gen 4:7).  If you are in an abusive relationship, do not accept the lie that they can’t control their behavior.  Physical abuse is inexcusable.  God says that we should love our children (Tit 2:4) and love our spouses (Eph 5:28).  Domestic violence is the exact opposite of that command.