5 minutes a day 5 days a week - a year of Bible Wisdom

My sister recently lost her son (a twenty-five-year-old) to a bad car accident.  He was in the height of his life, recently engaged to be married, and doing well at his job.  Her grief has steadily increased.  She wants answers.  Why would God do this?  Why would He take such a good person?  Is He punishing her for her sins?

I am exhausted trying to find Bible verses or words of comfort for her.  Please help.

Sincerely,
Forlorn Aunt

Dear Forlorn Aunt,

This is a great question… which is why thousands of books have been written on the subject of grief. When Jacob heard of his son’s death and when he contemplated the loss of a second son, he said, “My gray hair will go down to Sheol” (Gen 37:35, Gen 42:38). That emotion is a normal one. When one learns of the death of a spouse or child, their first reaction is so painful and the grief is so deep that they feel they will never have another happy moment on this earth. Jacob’s first reaction was normal in this respect. Jacob later received the good news that his son was alive, so he didn’t have to go to his grave in pain.

But your question is about your sister today. How do we handle grief, so that we will be able to recover and find happiness again? This process of handling grief is called “Healing Grief.” It means we go through the grieving process in the right way, so we can heal. This is where those thousands of books come in, and I suggest your sister read many of them. Also, one of our AYP writers has an entire audio sermon series on grieving that he wrote when his wife died; that series can be found here.  Some of the major things most people need to do are:

1. Go ahead and cry your eyes out. Don’t be ashamed to express your pain by crying. (Ps 6:6-7)
2. If you have a friend who will listen, talk, talk, talk. Crying and talking are very therapeutic. Don’t hold it in! Cry and talk. (Eccl 4:10)
3. Cry out to God in prayer and listen to God as He speaks to you through His Bible, especially the book of Psalms (Phil 4:6; 1 Pet 5:6-7).
4. This next one sounds funny to someone who has not been through this experience, but those who have will know what I am saying. After a few months, you will realize that you don’t want to let go of your loved one. You don’t want them forgotten. You actually hope they might, in some way, come back. At this stage, you must accept the fact that they are gone. This is not easy, but it is a big step that is necessary to healing. (2 Sam 12:22-23)

When this acceptance actually comes into her life, she will begin the final period called ‘recovery’. It is at this time that hope will come back into her life, and she will find happiness again. She is going through a grieving process God built within us humans who are made in His image… so encourage her to not give up. Even Jesus Himself experienced this emotion (John 11:35).

5 minutes a day 5 days a week - a year of Bible Wisdom

This may be a dumb question, but why do we sin even if we know it’s wrong, and we hate even the thought of it?

Sincerely,
Selfishly Annoyed

Dear Selfishly Annoyed,

There is a constant struggle among our soul, our fleshly body, and our mind (Rom 7:14).  Sin is tempting to our physical bodies – even when we know that it damages our souls.  Sin has the power of instant gratification even though the long-term consequences are spiritual death (Rom 6:23).  Sin is alluring and enticing and plays upon our most basic physical desires (Jas 1:14).  Sin appeals to the eyes, flesh, and our pride (1 Jhn 2:16).  The devil knows all of our fundamental physical desires and exploits them to get us to do things that have major spiritual consequences.  He is tricky (Eph 6:11) and fools us unless we guard ourselves against his lies (Jhn 8:44).

I need help with guidance.  I have lately been doubting the power of God.  I need help gaining a religion to belong to.  In my family, there are many different and conflicting religions, and some have no religion at all.  I have gone to many churches, but I have never really belonged to one.  I worry about going to hell for my uncertainty.  Can you please help me?

Sincerely,
Looking For A Home

Dear Looking For A Home,

The problem with much of religion today is that it is confusing and contradictory!  Some churches teach one thing while others teach the exact opposite… yet, they all call themselves christians.  The confusion has occurred because most religion is built around people’s opinions and preferences, instead of the foundation of Scripture.  God’s Word isn’t confusing (1 Cor 14:33), but people sure have a way of muddying the waters, and the more confusing religion is, the easier it is to just want to give up trying.

The denomination world teaches that how you act and worship are matters of opinion, but Jesus said that how you act and worship are matters of truth (Jhn 4:24).  The only way to avoid denominationalism is to find a congregation that simply teaches what the Bible says – no creeds, no opinions, no personal agendas.  If we truly love Christ, we will follow His commandments (1 Jn 5:2).

Everything a church does (worship, membership, how they teach to be saved, how they spend their money, even their name) needs to have Bible verses backing them up (1 Tim 3:15).  A church needs to be able to explain the reasons for why they do what they do (1 Pet 3:15).

Our congregation here in Monroe goes by the name ‘Monroe Valley church of Christ’ because ‘church of Christ’ is a Biblical name for a congregation (Rom 16:16).  We worship by singing (Col 3:16), studying the Bible (1 Tim 4:13), praying (2 Thess 3:1), taking communion (only on Sundays – Acts 20:7), and taking up a collection (also only on Sundays – 1 Cor 16:1-2).  We teach that you must hear God’s Word (Rom 10:17), believe God’s Word (Jhn 3:16), repent of your sins (Mk 6:12), confess Jesus as your Savior (Lk 12:8), and be baptized to be saved (Acts 2:38, 1 Pet 3:21).  We do all these things because they are practices found in the Bible.  As you said, you don’t want to go to a church that offers their own thoughts – you want God’s thoughts.

There are other congregations like ours scattered across the country and the world.  Most of them use the name ‘church of Christ’, but then again, many churches that use that name aren’t faithful.  A Bible name for a church isn’t enough to make it faithful.  We have helped others, like yourself, looking for New Testament Christianity find faithful congregations in their area by contacting other preachers and christians that we know.  We’d be happy to do the same for you.  If you feel comfortable, just let us know what general area you live in, and we will try and get you in touch with a congregation that lives like your Bible reads (our e-mail is askyourpreacher@mvchurchofchrist.org).  It is frustrating, confusing, and exasperating to deal with denominationalism and it does lead to a sense of uncertainty.  Thanks be to God that there is a better option!