I WANT TO DIVORCE MY HUSBAND; HE HIT ME TONIGHT FOR THE FIRST TIME, AND HE IS VERY HOTHEADED WHILE BEING A POLICE OFFICER. WILL THE LORD FORGIVE ME FOR DIVORCE DUE TO PHYSICAL ABUSE???????

Sincerely,
Angry In All Caps

Dear Angry In All Caps,

We cannot imagine the emotional turmoil, anger, hurt, sorrow, and frustration that you are feeling right now.  Any husband that hurts his wife physically or verbally is not showing love or treating her "as his own body" as the Scriptures say he should (Eph 5:28).  He is sinning, but don't compound that sin by sinning yourself by divorcing him.  The only Biblical reason for divorce is fornication (Matt 19:9).  You have every right to separate from him, but if you do, you are still married - just separated.  You can move out, and if you don't feel safe - you should.  Your marriage needs counseling, and we recommend you find a Biblical counselor in your area that will help you and your husband through these trials.  Find a counselor that does not view divorce as an option - we would be happy to help with that if you would like.  May God give you peace in this time of trial.

I feel like I am struggling to be the person God wants me to be; I ask Him for guidance and to help me make sure I’m going down the path He wants me to.  My future still seems so uncertain.  I’m watching my grandfather die slowly, and I’m struggling through a relationship with a girl I care a lot about but don’t know if we are right for each other.  I also have a fear for her faithfulness even though she, to my knowledge, has never done anything she shouldn’t have.  I don’t remember ever feeling so lost even though I think my relationship with God is as strong as ever.  Admittedly, I don’t go to church; I haven’t been for years.  I tell myself that what is important is my relationship with God.  I feel guilty for complaining about my life knowing that there are people out there who have it much worse than I do.  I’m healthy, fed; I mean, I have a pretty decent life.

In short - am I being selfish?  Why do I feel lost and not know the right thing to do?  How do you know what is best for you?  Would I be a better christian/person if I went to church?

I don’t expect you to answer this or reply, but guidance would be appreciated.

Sincerely,
Without A Compass

Dear Without A Compass,

Solomon once said that to fear God and keep His commandments is the whole of man (Eccl 12:13).  Right now, you aren’t feeling whole because you aren’t paying attention to all of His commandments.  The sum of God’s Word is truth (Ps 119:160).  We cannot find peace and salvation without embracing all of God’s teachings and humbly allowing the Master to guide our lives.  Heb 10:24-25 makes it clear that you cannot serve God without assembling with christians on a regular basis.  He also teaches that we must take the Lord’s Supper regularly (every Sunday – Acts 20:7) with other christians (1 Cor 11:20-26).  No man is an island; christians are meant to gather together with others who can help them through the trials of life (like watching your grandfather die) and the difficult decisions (like how to proceed with your girlfriend).  The church is made up of many individuals, and it is designed to build all of us up together in Christ (Eph 4:12-16).  You won’t be a whole person until you begin working with a church and attending services.

We caution you that it is important to find a church that will teach and instruct you only in the Scriptures.  Not all congregations are alike.  There are many religious groups that warp and pervert the Scriptures (1 Jhn 4:1) – and they will only make your situation worse.  If you would like help finding a faithful and Biblical congregation in your area, please feel free to e-mail us at askyourpreacher@mvchurchofchrist.org, and we will do our best to put you in contact with a trustworthy congregation near you.

I was told recently by my pastor that an elder should always put his congregation first, even before his wife.  I believe that to be incorrect.  I always thought that we should all place God first, our spouses second, and our children third, and that is the model for a christian family.  I believe that to be one of the most significant examples to your congregation.  Am I correct, or am I wrong about this?

Sincerely,
Ducks In A Row

Dear Ducks In A Row,

You are right.  The Scriptures are clear that being an elder is a voluntary position (1 Tim 3:1).  A man can resign from the eldership, but he can’t resign from his marriage or his family.  God makes it clear that when a man marries, a large portion of his life becomes dedicated to caring for his wife’s needs (1 Cor 7:32-34).  Furthermore, husbands are clearly told that they must care for their wives as much as they care for their own bodies (Eph 5:28).  A man is a husband for life; he is an elder by choice for a time.

His relationship with his children is also not optional.  A father has various responsibilities to his offspring (Eph 6:4, Col 3:21, Heb 12:9, etc.).

Please refresh my memory regarding Nazirites.  First of all, does this word simply mean "separated", or does the word have something to do with the city of Nazareth?

What lessons can we learn from those who lived under this vow, and for what purpose did God place an importance upon those He raised up as such?(Amos 2:11)

We know that Samson and Samuel lived their lives as Nazirites, but could John the Baptist also have lived under this vow according to Luke 1:15?

Then in Lamentations 4:7, I am confused as to who is being referred to here.

Lastly, (sorry for so many questions regarding this!) it appears to me that a person could choose to be a Nazirite for a "set amount of time".  Is it possible that Jesus ever took this vow?  Obviously not when He instituted the Lord's Supper, but I am just curious.  Thank you so much.  This is a wonderful website!

Sincerely,
I’d Like To Buy A Vow

Dear I’d Like To Buy A Vow,

Nazirite does indeed mean ‘separated’ or ‘consecrated’.  A Nazirite was someone who had taken a vow to serve God by abstaining from various things for a specified period of time.  The list of things involved with being a Nazirite can be seen in Num 6:1-9.  The most notable traits of a Nazirite were that they wouldn’t cut their hair, and they abstained from all grape products.

Nazirites were people who were voluntarily, deeply committed to serving God and made great sacrifices to put God first in their lives.  There is little we know about the life of a Nazirite.  Their vow to abstain from certain things seems similar to the idea of fasting – when you give something up for God, it is a sign of your commitment and dedication, and it helps to keep you focused on your spiritual goals.  Amos 2:11-12 is addressing how much God loved and appreciated Nazirites, and it contrasts that love with how Israel abused them.

Samson was a lifelong Nazirite (Judg 13:5), and Hannah consecrated Samuel as a Nazirite from birth (1 Sam 1:11).  We don’t know for sure whether John the Baptist was a Nazirite… but Lk 1:15 certainly lends toward it.

Lamentations is an entire book dedicated to Jeremiah’s sorrow over the fall of Jerusalem.  Lam 4:7 is part of that lament.  The nobles/Nazirites (depending on your translation) are the consecrated and faithful that used to populate the streets and faithfully serve God.  With wistful sorrow, Jeremiah remembers the days when people were faithful and godly in Jerusalem.

And lastly, it is not likely that Jesus was ever a Nazirite.  The reason for this is that He had a reputation for being the exact opposite of John the Baptist (Lk 7:33-34).  Since it is likely John the Baptist was a Nazirite, Jesus wouldn’t have ever been one.

My question is: when a pregnant woman gets baptized in water, how does that baptism affect the unborn fetus "spiritually"… considering that the Bible states that the soul is created upon conception, not birth?  So technically, is the unborn baby getting baptized also?

Sincerely,
Wet Womb

Dear Wet Womb,

The baptism wouldn’t affect the child at all.  Baptism doesn’t mean anything unless the person is believing (Mk 16:16) and repentant (Acts 2:38).  Since it is impossible for an infant to believe or repent… the child would not be affected by the baptism in a spiritual way.  On top of that, a child doesn’t need to be saved – which is the purpose of baptism (1 Pet 3:21).  Feel free to read “What About The Children?” for further details on the spiritual condition of children.