I was wondering: if I stay with a man, and we sleep in the same bed but do not have sex, is that fornication?

Sincerely,
Super Sleepy

Dear Super Sleepy,

Would you be okay with your daughter doing that?!  Christianity isn’t about how close we can get to sin, it is about living lives that are striving for purity in all areas (Rom 6:1-2, Jas 4:8).  God commands us to “flee fornication” (1 Cor 6:18).  Sleeping in the same bed as a man that you are not married to is not “fleeing” by any stretch of the imagination.

When we play with fire, we tend to get burned.  Sleeping in the same bed is dangerous, bad for your reputation (1 Tim 6:14), not honorable in the sight of man (Rom 12:17), and sets your relationship up for failure because it will be built upon physical intimacy instead of one another’s character (1 Pet 3:4).  If this man truly cares about you – he will happily wait for that level of intimacy until you are married (1 Cor 7:2).

My question is: some people say that when you get married, your vow before God is what matters most.  I know of a husband and wife that exchanged vows before God with no pastor or witnesses.  They said that in about a year, they are going to have a public and legal wedding.  They believe that since they vowed it before God, He sees them as married now, and the ceremony is only something they want for legal, family, and tradition’s sake.  Is it true that God sees them as married?  I know they both believe that vows are holy before God.  Thank you.

Sincerely,
Wedding Wonderer

Dear Wedding Wonderer,

The problem with that kind of arrangement is that:

1. There is really no Biblical precedent for being "married before God" and not married before the law and family.  Christians are supposed to obey the laws of the land (Rom 13:1-3).
2. The couple is putting themselves in a position where they look like they are living together without being married.  This means that they are sending the wrong message to mankind.  Christians are supposed to shine as lights in the world (Matt 5:16) and live a "good manner of life in Christ" that they may put to shame those who revile the name of Christ (1 Pet 3:16)
3. They are setting themselves up to be deceptive.  When they file for taxes, are they going to say they weren't married?  If great aunt Elma asks when they were married... what will they say?  There are lots of problems with this arrangement.

No matter how you slice it - it is better and Biblical to be up front and legal before God and man.

I'm thirty years old and have been through my share of trials over the past few years.  Just this year alone, I've spent a week in the hospital and was sick the rest of the month (February), my dad tried to commit suicide (March), my mama died on my 30^th birthday - suddenly (May), I was terminated from my job when I returned from her funeral (May), my black lab was poisoned (June)… but thankfully he lived, I've had a "chemical pregnancy" i.e. early miscarriage (October), and the stress caused me to fail two classes in school which disqualified me from the program I've worked so hard to get into.  I have to now wait another year.  We are struggling severely with our finances, and I'm scared that we are going to just slip further behind.  I've gained 40+ lbs. and feel like I'm eating because I deserve punishment for some reason.  My "issues" are causing a lot of grief, not only to me, but also to my family.

My question is: why, why, why does it seem that God allows so much pain to enter one person’s life but spares others?  This is affecting my faith, which I am trying desperately to hold onto.  I pray to God daily asking Him to guide me and mold me into what He wants from me.  I ask Him if for some reason I am doing something wrong to deserve so much pain, please help me correct it.  Please help me understand the need for all of this pain.

Sincerely,
Daily Sufferer

Dear Daily Sufferer,

We are so very sorry to hear of the difficulties you are facing.  If we were in your circumstances, we would feel exactly as you do.  The truth is, God does not desire anyone to suffer.  God made the world perfect, placed mankind in the Garden of Eden, and gave us a joyously blissful existence in that paradise.  Who caused the pain?  We did.  It is sin that has brought all of the death, disease, decay, pain, suffering, troubles, and heartaches into our world.  We all, in varying degrees, are reaping the benefits of a world with sin in it.

People suffer for various reasons:

1. Sometimes we suffer for our own sins (Gal 6:7-8)
2. Sometimes we suffer because of others’ choices (Like David's sufferings at the hands of Saul - 1 Sam 20:1)
3. Sometimes we suffer in order to glorify God through our suffering and recovery (Like the blind man - Jhn 9:2-3)

No matter what, God tells us that we can rejoice in tribulations (Rom 5:3) because eventually, if we suffer faithfully, our tribulations produce indestructible hope… a hope that cannot be taken away from us.  God causes all things to work together for good for those who love Him (Rom 8:28).  We cannot tell you how or when, but someday you will look back on this time and say, "I am better for having been through it."  Until that day, trust in the Lord, and He will see you through.

What does it mean when you are asked, "Is the yoke uneven?"

Sincerely,
Huh?

Dear Huh,

The verse being referred to is 2 Cor 6:14.  A ‘yoke’ is a ‘harness used to tie oxen together, so that they can pull a plow or cart’.  When God tells us not to be “unequally yoked” to an unbeliever, He is warning us not to put ourselves in a position where we are committed and tied to someone who doesn’t share our values.  The most poignant example of this is marriage.

If you are a Christian and you are married to someone who is not a Christian… you are going to have MAJOR problems.  Your life is going one way, and their’s is going another.  It is hard to pull a plow if the oxen don’t both go the same direction!  This is why God tells Christians to only marry other Christians (1 Cor 7:39).  So when someone asks you, “Is the yoke uneven?”, they are probably asking whether you are married to a Christian.

I consider myself a Christian because I believe the Bible, and I believe that God sent His Son, Jesus, to die on the cross for our sins.  In John 3:16, it says, “For God so loved the world He gave His only begotten Son that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have everlasting life.” Since I believe in this, doesn’t this mean that I will go to heaven?  I ask this because I have not been baptized, and since I believe all this, does not being baptized affect me from getting into heaven even though I believe Jesus is God’s Son?

Sincerely,
Bone Dry

Dear Bone Dry,

Jhn 3:16 is a spectacular verse, but it is important to look at all the verses regarding salvation in order to understand what God says on the subject.  Ps 119:160 says that the "sum of God's Word is truth".  No one verse is more, or less, valuable than any other.

We must believe in God to be saved, but belief is not enough on its own.  Jas 2:19 states that the demons believe in God, but that isn't enough to save them.  We must confess Christ as Savior to be saved (Matt 10:32-33).  We must also repent of our sins to be saved (Acts 3:19).  'Repent' means 'change your mind'; we must change the way we think and act in the future, submitting our lives to God.  We must also be baptized to be saved (Acts 2:38, Mk 16:16, 1 Pet 3:21).  'Baptize' means 'immerse'; it is a burial in water that washes away our sins and gives us a new life in Christ (Rom 6:4).  After that, you must become part of a local congregation that is faithful to God and teaches His Word (Heb 10:24-25)

Yes, you must be baptized to become a Christian and go to heaven.  If you are looking for a congregation in your area that will teach you more on this subject and help you to become a Christian, we would be happy to assist you in finding one.  Simply e-mail us here at askyourpreacher@mvchurchofchrist.org