I'm twenty-seven-years-old, and I want to know what my responsibilities are to 'honor' and 'respect' my christian parents.  I'm a christian, too, but my parents still control nearly every aspect of my life - pulling out Bible verses for everything they think I'm doing wrong.  How do I live my own life and work on my relationship with God without feeling so pressured and controlled by my parents?  Or is my christian duty to always obey my parents as long as their teachings are 'Biblical'?

 

Sincerely,
Honor Bound

Dear Honor Bound,

You must always do what the Bible says – if you are living a way that is unscriptural and your parents are pointing that out, you should change.  However, it sounds like you are talking more about issues of opinion that you and your parents are disagreeing over.  This becomes a trickier issue.  The Bible does not require grown children to obey their parents, but it does require them to honor their parents (Lk 18:19-20)… there is a difference.  ‘Honor’ means ‘to place in a position of esteem’ or ‘to highly value’.  Grown children can highly value their parents without obeying everything they say.  Adult children honor their parents by valuing their advice (Job 12:12), respecting their age (1 Tim 5:1), caring for their parents in their old age (Mk 7:10-12), etc.

There is great debate over exactly what age parents begin to relinquish their authority over their children.  Some say eighteen; others say at marriage; still others say when you leave the house; suffice it to say, twenty-seven would typically be deemed an appropriate age to transition from childhood to adulthood.

The Bible says that Jesus said, "No one gets to the Father except through me", which I have been taught means if you don't believe God is the Father and Jesus is His Son, you don't/won't go to heaven.

My question is: does this mean that three quarters of the world's population (non-christians, Jews, Mormons, the Dalai Lama, etc.) who don't believe that Jesus is the Son of God aren't going to heaven?  It doesn't seem to me that the God I believe in would let this happen.

Sincerely,
Sympathy For The Masses

Dear Sympathy For The Masses,

The verse you are referring to is Jhn 14:6.  Here is a great example of a fork in the road for christians.  Will we take the Bible at face value and accept what God says, or will we ignore certain verses in order to mold God into an image that is more suitable for us?  You are absolutely right; there is no mistaking the implications of Jhn 14:6.  All that do not follow Christ will not be saved.  In fact, there are other verses that re-emphasize this message.  Jesus said that the way to salvation was narrow, and the way to destruction was wide (Matt 7:13).  He also says that many people will erroneously claim to have served God and will be turned away on the Judgment Day (Matt 7:22-23).

These verses do exclude large swaths of mankind from heaven.  However, if we believe the Bible to be God’s infallible Word (and we here at AYP do – read “Who Wrote The Bible” to see why we are so convinced), then we must accept that the same loving God who would send His own Son to die for our sins has a very good reason for being so picky about who goes to heaven.  Remember, God doesn’t condemn people to hell; it is our sinful choices that does that (Rom 6:23).  Jehovah offers us salvation through His Son, even though we deserve death (Jhn 3:16).

I have a question about singing in church.  I like going to church, but I do not like to sing.  Is this wrong of me, or is this okay?  I do stand with everybody, but I just do not like singing.  I like to hear people sing because some people have such great voices, but is it a sin for me not to sing also?  Thanks for your time!

Sincerely,
Mums The Word

Dear Mums The Word,

Singing hymns to God is indeed a commandment (Col 3:16).  You do need to sing as part of your worship to God.  Singing isn’t about listening; it is about sending and giving God praise and honor.  It is the gift of your lips to Him.

Having said that, take heart, God doesn’t care how you sound.  The only melody He cares about is the melody in your heart (Eph 5:19).  Far too often, we worry about how we sound – God doesn’t care one wit about that.  So sing out and let God know how thankful you are for all He gives you.

We have been attending the same church for seven or eight years.  We are not members but participate in all activities.  We contribute to the love offering, are called when we have prayer chains, and help provide food for a family if someone passes away.  We are included just like a church member, but when our grandson and father passed away, the church didn't provide us with a meal after the service as we do with everyone else.  We aren't members, but I don't think that is the problem because we have provided meals for the non-members that have lost family members.  We feel hurt that we have been overlooked twice.  We thought we were part of this church family; we provide services: i.e. our time to help with the grounds keeping, painting, planting, etc. out of our pocket to help our church out.  We don't ask for repayment or even tell what we do at times.  We do it to feel connected to the church.  Am I wrong in feeling like others have a problem with us, and should we find another church or stay and continue to worship God and do His will?

Sincerely,
Persona Non Grata

Dear Persona Non Grata,

You should definitely always do God’s will, but you will have to decide whether staying where you are is, in fact, fulfilling God’s commands.  What does God say that we should do when others hurt our feelings?   If you really feel offended by someone, you should go and talk to them and, if at all possible, reconcile (Matt 5:23-24).  What you are talking about doesn’t sound like a Bible doctrine disagreement, but a personal (though legitimate) frustration.

However, we have to admit we are confused by the fact that you are so dedicated to this church and yet are not a member… is there something unscriptural about how the church is behaving?  Are they somehow failing to match up with God’s criteria for what the church should be (See “Finding the Church” and “Preacher Interrogation” to look at some of those criteria)?  If your reason for not placing your membership with this church is a Bible reason – then you should leave and find a faithful church to be a part of.  If the reason isn’t Biblical, then you should place your membership there.  There are no examples of christians in the Bible that weren’t members of a local church.  Even the apostle Paul, with all of his traveling, was a member of the church in Antioch (Acts 11:25-26).  Find a faithful group and commit to serving God with them.

Is it possible to be a Christian and not spank your children?  Doesn't the Bible tell us that if we spare the rod, we hate our children?

 

Sincerely,
A-Rod

Dear A-Rod,

The verse you are referring to is Pr 13:24.  It is true that parents must discipline their children.  It is also true that the Bible has absolutely no problem whatsoever with spanking (Pr 22:15).  Spanking won’t kill your child, nor will it hurt their little psyches, no matter what today’s current psychological theorists might say (Pr 23:13).  So if you spank your children, you are making a perfectly sound Biblical choice.

However, your question didn’t deal with those who spank their kids; it dealt with those who don’t.  We wouldn’t use any of the previously cited verses to say that you must spank your child to discipline them.  Proverbs teaches general principles, not specific techniques.  If we use those verses for specific techniques, then we would have to say spanking with anything but a rod was unbiblical.  The principle of Proverbs is that children need discipline – sometimes firm discipline.  It is a parent’s job to train their child for the way that they should live (Pr 22:6).  Each individual parent must decide on the specific techniques needed to reach the goal of properly disciplining and training their children up in the Lord.