How do you think negative people can affect your life, and what should you do if someone you care about has become very negative?

Sincerely,
The Glass Is Half Full

Dear The Glass Is Half Full,

Bad company corrupts good morals (1 Cor 15:33).  Depending on the intensity of someone’s bad attitude or behavior, you may need to distance yourself.  Christians are constantly trying to strike the balance between being lights to the world (Matt 5:14) and keeping themselves pure and undefiled from the world’s influences (Jas 1:27).  As long as we live on this planet, we will have trials (Jhn 16:33).  It is a precarious balancing act between being an influence and being corrupted by the world.  There is no exact answer to your problem; you must apply these principles yourself.  If you can influence this person for good, then do so.  If they are corrupting you and keeping you from being the best christian you can be, begin to distance yourself.  You may even deem it appropriate to tell the person why you are distancing yourself.  Maybe, just maybe, they will change if they are made aware of what their choices are costing them.

I had a falling out with a childhood friend after decades of friendship.  I had been a support to this friend through a painful divorce, financial issues, and helping him find his way. In the end, this friendship turned out to be destructive.  I finally stood up for myself and told him that I just couldn't do this anymore. What I didn't expect was a profane and a rather violent verbal response. I was shocked!  Since this time, I have prayed to God for healing and understanding. I have come a long way in this process, but I have a question. You see, I've reached out to this person in forgiveness ... peace ... and attempted to understand where he is coming from.  I feel God wants us to live in PEACE and FORGIVENESS, so that is what I've tried to do.  My question is: what would God have us do when we reach out in peace and forgiveness, and it is only met with hostility and more anger?  I would like to know what it is that God expects of us when things like this happens in our lives.  I have forgiven him for the hatefulness and unkind words (even though he didn't ask for forgiveness)... but do I continue to seek out peace or let it go and just let God work on it?  Thank you.

Sincerely,
Mending Fences

Dear Mending Fences,

You do what you can, and then you let it go.  God says that “as much as it depends on you, be at peace with all men” (Rom 12:18).  You must do everything that you can to mend the wounds of your friendship, and then leave the rest to God.  “As much as depends on you” means that not everything does depend on you.  All relationships with other human beings are two-way streets.  If you have tried sincerely, honestly, and completely to do your part to make things work… you’ve done your part.

     My husband has a guy friend he rides bikes with; he can be a little strange at times, and he scares me.  He hangs out with some people that have bad reps, but my husband looks past that and says I should be nice to him even though he scares me.  Would my heavenly Father want me to do the same?  I am not mean to him or disrespectful; he just scares me with some of the things he has done in the past, but I will do whatever my Father says.

Sincerely,
Nervous

Dear Nervous,

You should always be nice to everyone, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t also be safe.  When you say that someone “scares” you, without being given further details, that makes us think there might be a safety issue around this individual.  You know the details; we don’t.

Having said that, there is no reason you can’t be nice.  God says that we should love even our enemies (Lk 6:27).  When Saul was trying to kill David, David didn’t trust him, but David did show him great kindness.  Read 1 Samuel 26’s account of David sparing Saul’s life as an example of showing kindness to even those you can’t trust.  We should do good to all of mankind (Gal 6:10).

A lot of my friends at school swear and try to pressure me into it, but I always tell them, “No.”  I don’t know how to kindly tell them I do not swear, and I don't want them to swear around me. Do you have any advice on this?

Sincerely, No Soap For My Mouth

Dear No Soap For My Mouth,

Good for you for standing up for God.It isn’t easy to do the right thing when everyone else is doing the wrong thing. The Bible says that a friend loves at all times (Pr 17:17). If someone is truly our friend, they won’t purposefully try and hurt us or make us do something that would upset our conscience. Tell your friends at school, “If you are really my friend, you won’t say things that upset me.You may be okay with swearing, but I’m not, and please be a friend and not swear around me.” If they are really your friends, they will stop (or at least try and stop). If they won’t, then they aren’t really what God calls a friend.

  I fell in love with my best friend, and we had sex once.  We were dating, and then she said she couldn’t have a sexual relationship with a woman; it’s against her beliefs.  We are the same sex.  Now she’s not talking to me but says she does love me.  I’m praying for God to bring her back in my life as my friend, but if she wants it to be more, that would be her choice.  Will she change her mind and still be my friend?

Sincerely,
Abandoned

Dear Abandoned,

We can’t tell you whether or not she will change her mind and be your friend again, but if we were advising you both, we would advise against a friendship after the trouble it has created for you.

God makes it clear that homosexual relationships are sinful (Rom 1:26-27).  The right thing to do is exactly what your friend did – flee fornication (1 Cor 6:18).  We are sorry you have lost a friend, but better to lose a friendship and start down a better path than to go to hell together (Matt 18:8).