As a Christian, if someone thinks I have done them wrong, and they tell me I own them an apology, and I tell them I have nothing to be sorry for – at first, I thought I had done wrong, but others said I didn't do wrong; this person refuses to put it in the past and let it go without an apology.  I am a young Christian and now feel I did nothing wrong, and I refuse to apologize.  Am I wrong in doing this?

Sincerely,
Where’s The Wrong?

Dear Where’s The Wrong,

With all do respect, your refusal to offer any type of apology is probably showing your youth.  Paul tells us to “as much as it depends on us” seek peace (Rom 12:18).  Jesus says that we should turn the other cheek and go the extra mile (Matt 5:39-41).  Whether you actually did something wrong is irrelevant; you can still apologize for having hurt the person’s feelings.  Being the bigger person isn’t easy, but it is part of the lifestyle Christ has called us to.  Jesus tells us to love even our enemies (Lk 6:35).  Who knows… maybe your kindness and olive branch of peace will soften the heart of the other person (Rom 12:20).

I have a friend who always wants to talk about religion but doesn't understand my beliefs. I am a christian, and when I try to explain to her that the Bible is literally interpreted, she doesn't understand and replies with, "Well, that’s your and your church's interpretation of the Bible" and "The same literal verse can mean different things to different people."  What verses or explanation can I use as examples of how the Bible should be interpreted and why?  Thank you.

Sincerely,
Literally Puzzled

Dear Literally Puzzled,

What you are trying to do is prove to your friend that the Bible is God’s literal word and that God intends for it to be understood in a definite fashion.  Here are a couple of different ways to try and get this concept across to your friend:

1. Peter said that the Bible is not a matter of our own private interpretation (2 Pet 1:20-21).  When God spoke, He didn’t mean for His Words to be interpreted how we wished.  In fact, the apostle Paul condemns our own interpretation as “perverting” God’s Word (Gal 1:6-7).  There is a right and a wrong way to read the Scriptures.
2. If there is more than one correct way to interpret the Scriptures, it would be impossible to have unity.  Unity can only happen if we agree on the same standards.  If people each have their own personal interpretation of the Scriptures, there is no common standard to build unity upon.  God is not the author of confusion (1 Cor 14:33).  God commands us to have unity, and that there is only one faith (Eph 4:3-6).  Show your friend Ephesians chapter four and explain that unity cannot happen without a single standard.
3. God purposely made sure that every word of the Bible was exactly as He intended it to be (Matt 5:18).  Everything that the prophets wrote was directly from the mind of God (1 Cor 2:12-13).  If God put that much effort into preserving the accuracy and detail of the Bible, we cannot disregard that.  We must be as accurate in our reading of the Bible as God was in writing it.
4. Jesus believed there was a right and a wrong way to read the Bible.  He accused the Pharisees of disregarding God’s teachings (Matt 21:42).  He also told the Sadducees that they didn’t understand the Scriptures (Matt 22:29).  If Jesus says there is a right and a wrong way to view the Scriptures, then we must make sure we are rightly discerning God’s Word.

There is no guarantee any of these things will work with your friend, but we wish you the very best as you try and share the Gospel.  Hopefully, she will be willing to listen with an open and honest heart.

I lost a friend who is not a Christian.  I know they weren't saved and they won’t be in heaven, but is there anything the Bible says that can bring any comfort?

Sincerely,
Grieving The Lost

Dear Grieving The Lost,

The sorrow we feel when we lose a loved one is, at times, almost unbearable.  That pain can be amplified when we do not have hope of someday seeing that person in heaven.

God says that He finds no pleasure in the death of the wicked (Ezek 33:11).  That tells you that God will not send anyone to hell by accident, spite, or malicious intent.  Anyone who ends up in hell really, truly belongs there.  When your friend faces God on the Day of Judgment, God will make the right decision concerning their fate.  There is some comfort in knowing that God will not make any mistakes.

God has a deeper, more complete understanding of eternity than you or I do.  He is completely loving (1 Jn 4:8).  If your friend goes to hell, it will be because the most loving and wise God of all creation knew that was where they chose to be.

How do you forgive someone if they have not asked for forgiveness and/or if they act as though they are not in error?  I've heard some say you should simply be ready to forgive.  I know I should not have ill will or resentful feelings, but how can I forgive if forgiveness has not been requested?  We are only forgiven by God when we request it....

 

Sincerely,
Apology Acceptor

Dear Apology Acceptor,

Depending on the situation, you may or may not forgive the person (more on this further down), but no matter what: you can’t, absolutely CAN’T, treat the person poorly or allow bitterness to engulf you.  Whether you forgive someone or not, we are all to love even our enemies (Lk 6:27) and treat them with kindness and love.  Furthermore, bitterness of heart is a disease that is like drinking poison and expecting someone else to suffer (Heb 12:15).

With that said, here are some things to consider with forgiveness.  You have to forgive all christians (Matt 18:35).  If they are good enough for God to forgive, they are good enough for you to forgive.  If the person is not a christian, you may find that they are purposefully continuing to harm you and abuse you.  If this is the case, it is fair to say that you do not need to forgive them, but you do still need to love them.  God is willing to forgive when we repent, but ready to forgive is different than actually forgiving (Ps 86:5).  Another factor to consider is that Jesus asked God to forgive people who were crucifying Him.  “Forgive them for they know not what they do”(Lk 23:34) is a very powerful statement.  Jesus made it clear that oftentimes people do the wrong thing out of ignorance.  If they had only known, they would have acted differently.  It is always a good idea to give people the benefit of the doubt.   If in doubt, forgiveness is always a better option.

I got baptized nine years ago at some church where my boyfriend was going.  A couple days ago, someone pointed out to me that I wasn't baptized for the forgiveness of my sins.  I just got baptized again.  I haven't really told anyone yet.  I feel kinda dumb for not knowing all those years and thinking that I was going to heaven.  Am I lying by not saying something?

 

Sincerely,
Back To The Beginning

Dear Back To The Beginning,

The willingness to change when confronted with the truth is the mark of an intelligent and honest person.  You have nothing to be ashamed of.  You aren’t required to tell everyone you meet, but don’t avoid the subject.  The fact that you are concerned that you are lying is a sign that your conscience is bothering you.  If there are people that you specifically avoid the subject with, and it is bothering your conscience, then you may need to go out of your way to tell them.  It is very important that christians always try and keep a clean conscience (Acts 24:16).

On top of that, you have nothing to be ashamed of; being baptized is a joyous event and an opportunity to let your light shine (Matt 5:16).  You are a christian now.  Christians have a responsibility to confess Christ to the rest of mankind (Matt 10:32-33).  Let those around you know how happy you are.