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I have a question in regards to speaking in tongues.  A co-worker of mine (who states she is a christian) and I have many talks about biblical topics.  She told me the other day that she has spoken in tongues before.  She also said that she was filled with the Holy Spirit prior to her baptism.  She believes that since she is filled with the Holy Spirit, she is able to speak in tongues.  I know this ability was for the apostles and we do not have this gift today... but how do I go about teaching her this from the New Testament?  I know we all have gifts, but I want to show her this is not a gift that we are bestowed with today.  Help please!

Sincerely,
English Please

Dear English Please,

The easiest way to handle someone who says they have spoken in tongues is to simply ask, “Oh, what tongue did you speak in?”  Invariably, they will be tongue-tied because they will have no clue what you are talking about.  At this point, you can begin to explain that the Bible says speaking in tongues was a miraculous ability that allowed someone to speak in REAL languages that they had never learned (Acts 2:7-11).  The charismatic and Pentecostal churches teach that speaking in tongues is a “hidden” or “secret” language that can only be understood by the angelic beings unless an interpreter is present.  That is hogwash.

The whole purpose of speaking in tongues was to allow the gospel to be spread rapidly.  The gift of speaking in tongues was only useful if it allowed someone to teach another person God’s prophetic word (1 Cor 14:6-9).  Unless your friend was miraculously able to speak another real language that allowed her to teach a real person the gospel – then she will have to realize what she did wasn’t from God.  Then you can begin to teach her that miracles no longer happen (miracles being defined as things that break the natural laws of this world), and they are no longer needed because we have the complete Word of God.  See the posts, “I Dreamed A Dream” and “Three Cheers For Miracles!” for further details on how to explain this concept to your friend.

I have a VERY good friend, my closest friend ever, and she doesn't have a religion. She told me her parents are letting her choose for herself. I am trying to teach her about Christianity and the Bible.  I have done as much as I can to try and lead her on the right path, including taking her to the christian-based camp my parents are directors of.  She has done pretty well, but I am scared that she, in the end, won't make the right decision.  I don't know what else I can keep doing to help save her. Do you have advice?

Sincerely, Being A Friend

Dear Being A Friend,

Everything that can be done, you are doing. You are open about your beliefs, you stand by your morals, you answer her questions, and you involve her in things that help influence her in a positive way. The rest is up to her.

When God made us, He made us in His image and gave us free will (Gen 1:27). That means that everyone has the right to choose the path of their life. You get to choose for yourself… and so does your friend. You can’t make her become a christian; all you can do is light the way (Matt 5:14). Your friendship is the most important friendship in her life because you are the one showing her how to get to heaven. She may listen to you; she may not… but either way, you are doing the right thing. Keep doing what you are doing. The only other thing you could do is pray for and about her, and then trust that God will take care of everything (Mk 11:24).

As long as she is happy to be your friend (and doesn’t try and force you to stop living a moral life), then be her friend. Some people take a long time to obey God. Paul was really stubborn (1 Tim 1:16), Peter was scared (Mk 14:67-68), and Thomas doubted (Jhn 20:24-25). Eventually, all three of them came around and did the right thing. Maybe your friend will be the same way.

How do you feel about letting the Pastor know that some people he has in leadership - worship leading and youth group - are drinking alcohol on the side while posting their publicly drunken pictures on the internet? Would it be wrong to bring this to his attention? I might add that this couple is in the "Pastor’s clique." This has been something breaking my soul, knowing that these people have been on stage lifting their hands, praising God on Sunday, and teaching impressionable teens who have access to these pictures -- then they are in bars and at parties on Saturday night. Am I sinning knowing it's happening and saying nothing? Pastors shouldn't even have "circles or cliques", right? Please pray and help. I am broken.

Sincerely, Caught In The Middle

Dear Caught In The Middle,

Yes, you must say something about it. For the sake of addressing the main purpose of your question and not getting distracted, we aren’t going to deal with the issue that your congregation is led by a single pastor, but we recommend you read “Elders” to better understand the problem of a congregation being led by one man. After that, ask your pastor where in the Bible he can find an example of a congregation being led by a single pastor.

Back to the topic, though. Your specific question dealt with whether or not to say something when you know someone else is sinning. If you know there is sin in your congregation, you must address it. Paul condemned the Corinthians because they allowed someone to flagrantly live a life of sin and remain amongst them (1 Cor 5:1-2). God tells us that if our brother sins, we must confront him privately (Matt 18:15). If that doesn’t work, bring one or two others with you and confront him again (Matt 18:16). If that still doesn’t work – bring it to the leadership of the congregation, and if he still won’t repent, then the congregation is to withdraw from him (Matt 18:17). You have a responsibility to make the sin known for the sake of the person’s soul and for the sake of the spiritual health of the others that they influence.

Some sins we commit when we act the wrong way, and sometimes we sin because we failed to act. If you know someone is openly sinning (and especially if you have evidence, like in your case), you must act. God requires it of you, and if the congregation won’t act as God intends… I recommend reading “Finding A Church”.

A while back, we had been talking about forgiveness and how you should keep forgiving people. What if they keep doing the same things to you and really aren’t sorry. How are you supposed to forgive then?

Sincerely, Hard To Forget

Dear Hard To Forget,

It is true that christians must forgive all other christians, but there is a difference between forgiveness and trust. David forgave Saul for trying to kill him, but David didn’t trust Saul after multiple attempts on his life (1 Sam 26:21-25). When we forgive someone, we no longer hold the debt of their sin against them (Matt 6:12); this doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t use wisdom in our dealings with them (Matt 10:16).

Christians often forgive people for things they haven’t repented of yet. Stephen asked that God forgive the people that were stoning him (Acts 7:60). Jesus, our Lord, did the same thing as He hung on the cross (Lk 23:34). But in both cases, it is safe to say that the people they forgave weren’t trustworthy. Their forgiveness opened the way to the possibility of a healthy relationship over time. We must follow their example. You don’t know whether the person is truly sorry, whether they are trying to grow, or what problems or trials they are going through. God is the final judge of their character and faithfulness. You can and should always treat people with kindness and generosity no matter how they have treated you.

Continue to forgive and keep yourself from bitterness (Heb 12:15), but feel free to protect yourself from harmful relationships.

My grandchildren have told me several times that one of their friends uses some by-words that sound pretty bad. They also said that the parents use these words, so the friend thinks the words are okay. The words used also included a racial slur. Since these people are christians, and I am sure this is not appropriate language, what, if anything, can these young people say to their friend about the language without upsetting the parents?

Sincerely, Watch Your Mouth

Dear Watch Your Mouth,

By-words or euphemism are used today as “soft” swearing. Instead of actually using a four-letter word or the Lord’s name in vain, people will alter those words (often by only changing a letter or two) to expressions more socially acceptable. The problem is that the meaning still remains the same. It is very similar to when television stations bleep-out bad language – everyone still knows what was intended.

Christians are supposed to avoid all unwholesome speech and crass language (Eph 4:29). Our language should always edify and build up other people. This is exactly why euphemisms and by-words are bad for christians to use. The euphemisms have the same intent as the ‘swear’ words. We should always talk in such a way that we impart grace and goodness to those who listen (Col 4:6). Secondarily, euphemisms give enemies of the gospel an opportunity to condemn christians. When we use by-words, our enemies can argue that christians are only using a language loop-hole; the intent behind our words is the same. Paul tells us to carefully watch our language, so that we never give enemies of Christ the opportunity to condemn us (Tit 2:8).

As for what your grandchildren can say to their friend… not much can be said. They can always request that their friend not use words like that around them and then explain why. You can remind your grandchildren that a true friend won’t use words to purposefully offend. Even if the friend will stop out of respect for your grandchildren, it is a step in the right direction. Unfortunately, euphemisms are so common amongst God’s people that it will take a lot of teaching and time to rid christians of the habit.