Hi, I'm 13, and I've got a lot of friends at my school.  Most of them are christian. However, there is one that is a mormon and one that is an athiest. Is it wrong to be friends with them?

Sincerely, Choosing Carefully

Dear Choosing Carefully,

There is a difference between a friend and a close intimate friend. Not all friendships are equal. David and Jonathan’s friendship was so close they were like brothers (1 Sam 18:1). Jesus was close to all his apostles- but especially to Peter, James, and John (Mk 5:37). Jesus also was kind and friendly to the tax collectors and sinners (Mk 2:15-16), but there wasn’t a great amount of depth to His relationship with them unless they converted. Best friends, friends, and casual friends are all friends, but not all are equal.

As you choose your friends you will need to make an assessment of how deep the friendship should be. Do they have the same values as you? Are they good people? Do they help you to be a better person? Are you their friend because they need you or vice versa? There isn’t anything wrong with being friends with people who aren’t exactly like you, but it is important to make sure that they aren’t leading you away from God. Any friend that influences you to compromise your morals or mocks you for being such a ‘goodie-goodie’ is not really a friend at all. However, if your mormon and atheist friends are willing to accept you as you are, then let your light shine. Maybe you will win them to Christ! Letting unbelievers see your life is one of the most important parts of being a christian (Matt 5:16).

Don’t shy away from people just because they aren’t christians, but be careful that your deepest, closest friendships are with people who have the same values as you. Always be aware of the danger of being corrupted by the world when you are choosing your closest friends (1 Cor 15:33).

So you kind of went over this in your answer to the "Can I Lose My Salvation" question… but I was wondering about my own salvation. I fall into that other extreme where I feel like if I'm not perfect, I'm not saved. I've been praying for more trust in God and studying my Bible a lot more (which has been extremely helpful). However, I still feel even though I think that I will be saved (flaws and all) that I could be doing better. I fear that if I don't constantly keep this in mind and push myself to do better, I will be lost. I guess my question is this: is this a proper attitude, or do I need to work on my trust in God still when it comes to my salvation?  People always say you should be assured of your salvation, but how do you know if you are on the brink of being lost?  I guess I just wish there were definite parameters.

Sincerely, Confident, I think...

Dear Confident,

Your struggle is a normal one and is an issue of maturity over time. All christians begin their new lives with the fear of hell and God’s punishment (Pr 1:7)… this is a healthy thing. The church was encouraged to fear God, and they grew when they did (Acts 5:11, Acts 9:31). So fear isn’t a negative thing; it keeps us safe and spurs us to submit to God. But even though fear is the beginning of wisdom, it isn’t the end of it.

John states that fear begins to diminish as our relationship with God becomes more and more built upon love (1 John 4:18)… our love for Him and a growing appreciation of His love for us.

Yes, you must constantly push yourself to improve and grow (Heb 6:1-6). Remember, growing as a christian can become a joy and a pleasure (Matt 11:29). All parent/child relationships have an aspect of fear to them, but ultimately love is seen as the prevailing element in a healthy family dynamic. God is our father (Rom 8:15), and we are his children (1 John 3:1).

It takes maturity and time to appreciate the love of God. The greatest gift man has ever received was the sacrifice of God’s own Son (Jhn 3:16). It should not be any surprise that it takes time, study, and wisdom to appreciate how much God really wants you to spend eternity with Him. Don’t worry; even if you can’t decide whether you are going to heaven or not – it isn’t your decision anyway! Follow God’s commands to the best of your ability, and over time the confidence of your heart will grow, your confidence in your salvation will increase, and you will have more and more peace regarding your eternal home (1 John 3:18-20).

I'm getting to the age where I'm kind of interested in boys...at what age does the Bible say that it's okay to date?  Does it say?

Sincerely, Older By The Minute

Dear Older By The Minute,

No, the Bible doesn’t say how old you must be to date. The Bible does lay down principles regarding dating or courting. Take a look at our post on dating/courting to see more about that topic.

As far as age is concerned, the Bible doesn’t give a proper age. Everyone differs in maturity and readiness to begin looking for their future spouse. The first rule of thumb is to not rush it. Song of Solomon mentions quite a few times to not speed into the world of romance (Songs 2:7). Ecclesiastes says there is a time for love and to wait for that time (Eccl 3:8). Rushing into romance too early can be disastrous.

God puts children under the authority of parents for just such a reason. Eph 6:1-3 says there is a blessing when children obey their parents. Parents have a keen insight into their children and tend to know what is best for them. You would do well to talk to your parents about the subject (even though it may be difficult or embarrassing for you) and see what they have to say. Godly parents can really make a difference in preparing you for this new aspect of your life. Listen to them and you will be blessed.

When we are told to confess our sins; what all does that entail? Does that just mean confessing to God in prayer, or do I need to be making an effort to tell other christians of all my struggles?

Sincerely, Tongue Tied

We must confess all of our sins to God (1 John 1:9) and be prepared to get help with our faults from other christians (Jas 5:16). When James talks about confessing sins to each other, he is talking in the context of prayer. His point is that when someone prays for you as you struggle with sin, that prayer will make an immense difference. He is not stating that you have to announce every single sin you have ever committed to each and every christian you meet.

There are definitely times to tell another person about your sin.

1. If you have sinned against them, you must admit it and ask for forgiveness (Lk 17:3-4).
2. If you believe the knowledge of your previous sin will help them (1 Tim 1:15-16).
3. If you are struggling with a sin and need help (Jas 5:16, Eccl 4:9).
4. If it would be deceptive to not reveal the sin (1 Jhn 1:8).

All of those situations constitute an appropriate time to confess your sins to another person. God doesn’t call us to parade our past sins before all we meet, but there is a time to own up to our faults before both man and God.

I am the only Christian in my family and among most of my friends. I feel like I have a responsibility to let the ones I love know about God's Word, but I don't know how to do it without pushing it or feeling like an annoyance. The thought that my friends and family aren't going to heaven because I didn't bring it up breaks my heart. I also don't know how to tell them that Christ's church is different from other churches.

Sincerely, Letting My Light Shine

Dear Letting My Light Shine,

With some relationships, there isn’t much you can say; it is how you live that makes the impact. Even Jesus had struggles converting His family. His brothers initially mocked him for His teachings (Jhn 7:3-5). Jesus didn’t argue with them; He just kept on being Himself, and eventually his brother James, his brother Jude, and his mother are recorded as having been converted.

The problem with family is that they have seen you at your youngest and most immature. Your words don’t have the same impact with a parent that has changed your diapers. No matter how logical and right you might be, all they can think is, “This is my child” or “This is my kid brother/sister”. Jesus said that even a prophet doesn’t have respect in his hometown (Lk 4:24). Those who knew you before you became a christian will be very skeptical of anything you say. They will need to see the change in your life first.

Converting your family is very similar to converting a spouse. God says that if you have an unbelieving husband or wife, you should live with them and let your influence do the talking (1 Cor 7:12-16). Never compromise your morals and always stand up for what you believe in, but don’t force it upon them. Let time and influence do the work.

As for telling them the differences between Christ’s church and other churches? Your life, convictions, and consistency will show the difference. Remember, your loved ones know you better than anyone – they are watching to see if this new person you say you are is the real deal. You know it, and over time they will to.