My girlfriend is a fairly new christian. She is wonderful!!! How can I encourage her to pray more often and think more on godly things without pressuring her and pushing her away? It seems that I am always the one who is bringing those things up, and I don't want to force things on her.

Sincerely, Forcefully Concerned

Dear Forcefully Concerned,

Gentle patience is the key to helping her grow. Paul told the young Thessalonian church that he was as patient and gentle as a mother (1 Thess 2:7-8). Don’t expect her to know everything right away- nor to remember everything the first time she learns it. Christianity is a huge change in someone’s life, and everyone grows in different areas and at different paces. Kindness and brotherly love will work wonders in helping her grow (Rom 12:10). Make sure you remain a humble servant and not a condescending overlord (1 Pet 5:5)

After you have mentally prepared, make some consistent opportunities to talk about spiritual things. The church is told that consistency is a large part of what makes healthy christians (Heb. 10:24-25). Regular involvement in praying together, going to services together, etc. provides opportunity for dialogue. She needs to be taking Bible classes (so do you!), and committing to take some classes together will help her grow without placing undo pressure on her. Christian growth isn’t about speed… but endurance. Babies grow slowly and steadily; if they grew fast, it would be unhealthy! Talk to her about taking some useful ‘beginner’ Bible classes together, and she will start to grow from the milk of the Word (1 Pet 2:2).

I am reaching a point with my girlfriend where I am beginning to consider that she is ‘the one’ for me.  I really love her, and she challenges my faith and challenges me to be a better and more compassionate person.  I really think I want to marry her.  The problem is that she is Catholic (I am a christian).  We've talked about this and prayed over it, and we're both against converting because we know that we'd be doing it for the other person and not necessarily for faith.

Is this a problem?  What is the Bible's approach in regard to inter-faith marriages?

Sincerely, Future In The Balance

Dear Future In The Balance,

‘Inter-faith’ marriages have disastrous results, an awful track record, and God warns against them. The Bible’s most notorious example of this is Solomon. Solomon’s idolatrous wives turned the heart of the wisest man on the planet away from God (1 Kgs 11:4). If Solomon in all of his wisdom couldn’t resist the pull of a false religion, we should consider ourselves just as vulnerable. There is too much at stake. If your heart is turned away from God, your soul will be eternally destroyed (Heb 3:12).

No matter how much you love each other, there are only four possible outcomes for your marriage, and only one of them is good:

1. She eventually converts and obeys the gospel, becomes a christian, and is saved (GOOD).
2. You eventually convert and obey the Catholic church, and you are both lost (BAD).
3. You both make compromises in your beliefs, and you no longer fully serve the Lord (BAD).
4. You both eventually renounce both of your belief systems, and are both lost (BAD).

The only positive outcome is the first one, and that isn’t any more likely to happen after you are married than before. Either she will eventually convert, or she won’t – getting married won’t increase the odds.

God warns against being ‘unequally yoked’ to someone with different values than you (2 Cor 6:14-16). Once you get married, you are ‘yoked’ to that person with a lifetime agreement. A godly marriage is designed around unity (Gen 2:24). If you aren’t unified on your core belief system, then everything else will be affected. Where will your children go to church? How much money will you contribute to the Catholic church vs. God’s church? What happens when she wants to put up Catholic emblems around the house? These are just a few of the thousands of day-to-day problems you will run into. God tells us that a christian should marry someone ‘in the Lord’ (1 Cor 7:39). If she really does love the Lord as much as she loves you, her honesty and humility will guide her to accept the truth. If not, you are both better off knowing before entering into a heartbreaking marriage.

What is the role of elders?  Can women be elders?  Why or why not?

Sincerely, Quality Control

Dear Quality Control,

Elders are the superintendents of a local congregation, and they are always men. The word elder is one title to describe the leaders of a local church. Other titles include 'overseer/bishop' (depending on translation – 1 Tim 3:1) and 'pastor' (Eph 4:11). The title of the job explains their role. They have the oversight of God’s people. That oversight only extends to one congregation (1 Pet 5:2), the local congregation that they are among. Each congregation has elders appointed in it (Acts 14:23).

Elders must meet strict requirements before they are appointed. Those qualifications can be found in 1 Tim 3:1-7 and Titus 1:5-9. Elders are always referred to by the pronouns 'he' and 'him' – thus making them men. Also, one of the qualifications is that they be 'a husband of one wife' (Titus 1:6) which makes it pretty clear we are talking about men. Elders also never serve alone.  All the churches in the Bible had multiple elders. Elders serve an important role of protecting, leading, and guiding the direction of a congregation. They will give an account for every christian in their congregation (Heb 13:17). A congregation should never take lightly the responsibility of appointing only completely qualified elders.

Is addiction a sin?

Sincerely, Habitually Curious

It really depends on what the addiction is. Some addictions are good; some addictions are bad. The dictionary gives two basic definitions for the word ‘addicted’:

1. physically and mentally dependent on a particular substance, and unable to stop taking it without adverse effects (i.e. she became addicted to alcohol and diet pills.)
2. enthusiastically devoted to a particular thing or activity (i.e. he’s addicted to computers.)

Normally, we think of addiction in terms of the first definition. Addiction to drugs, alcohol, etc. is always wrong. God says drunkenness or insobriety is always a sin (Rom 13:13).

Using the second definition, we can have both good and bad addictions. I can be ‘enthusiastically devoted’ to reading my Bible, or I could be ‘enthusiastically devoted’ to stealing watches. Here are some examples of good addictions:

1. Praying (1 Thess 5:17).
2. Being hospitable (Rom 12:13).
3. Attending church services (Heb 10:25).
4. Teaching others (Acts 17:2)

There are many positive addictions. The addictions to beware of are the outright sinful ones and the ones that distract us from serving God (2 Tim 2:4). Video games, work, socializing, and other such things are not overtly wrong, but if they distract us from the ultimate purpose of our lives (getting to heaven), then they become wrong. Our lives will be devoted to something – the key is to pick the right things to be addicted to.

Does God have a plan for me?  How can I know what it is, and how can I follow my calling?

Sincerely, Searching For Purpose

Dear Searching For Purpose,

Yes, God does have a plan for you. Your job isn’t to find it... but to prepare for whatever that calling might be. God seems to continuously be preparing people for specific times and jobs. Joseph was brought to Egypt to save his family (Gen 45:4-7). Esther was raised up to save Israel from Haman (Esther 4:14). Paul was chosen to preach to the Gentiles (Acts 9:15). All of these people had one thing in common – preparation.

Joseph, Esther, and Paul were only useful to God since they had been improving themselves in the years preceding. Paul emphasized this with his protégé, Timothy, in his final letters to him (2 Tim 2:20-21). Spend your life becoming a vessel prepared for every good work because you never know what good work you will be called to do. Chances are that you will be surprised by the twists and turns your life takes, but a prepared christian who knows their Bible and has fashioned their character after that Word will be ready for whatever tasks lay ahead.